Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 86

poohbear_nc · 06-09-2010, 11:18 AM

Quote:

Dwarf shortage.

A_J_Lath · 06-09-2010, 11:21 AM

This one might only make sense if you live in the UK:

What did the slug say to the snail?

'Big Issue, sir?'

poohbear_nc · 06-09-2010, 11:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by A_J_Lath

This one might only make sense if you live in the UK:

What did the slug say to the snail?

'Big Issue, sir?'

This will need a translation for US readers!

A_J_Lath · 06-09-2010, 11:28 AM

^^Okay. 'Big Issue' is a magazine distributed almost exclusively by homeless people. It operates on a charity basis, although the distributors themselves effectively become self-employed: they keep a large portion of the profits, with the rest going to various other charites which help the homeless. It's actually a pretty good mag - bought a few of them over the years.

It was not a joke at the expense of the homeless, BTW - it was a joke at the expense of the slugs. And frankly, the slugs deserve it after what they did to those lettuces I attempted to grow many years ago!

poohbear_nc · 06-09-2010, 11:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by A_J_Lath

^^Okay. 'Big Issue' is a magazine distributed almost exclusively by homeless people. It operates on a charity basis, although the distributors themselves effectively become self-employed: they keep a large portion of the profits, with the rest going to various other charites which help the homeless. It's actually a pretty good mag - bought a few of them over the years.

It was not a joke at the expense of the homeless, BTW - it was a joke at the expense of the slugs. And frankly, the slugs deserve it after what they did to those lettuces I attempted to grow many years ago!

Ahh - now clear!

And yes - slugs ARE evil!

Lycoming · 06-10-2010, 12:02 PM

Has anybody read "The Cat's Revenge" by Claude Balls?

A shorter tale, but no less epic is "The nail in the bannister" by R. Stornoway.

poohbear_nc · 06-10-2010, 12:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycoming

Has anybody read "The Cat's Revenge" by Claude Balls?

A shorter tale, but no less epic is "The nail in the bannister" by R. Stornoway.

I had to say the 2nd one aloud in a fake British accent to get the joke!

rebarnmom · 06-10-2010, 12:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by poohbear_nc

I had to say the 2nd one aloud in a fake British accent to get the joke!

Thanks for the tip! I had to do that too to get the joke!

A_J_Lath · 06-11-2010, 05:34 AM

'Carribean Cooking' by Stu D Goat

(you need to imagine it in a Jamaican accent.)

pdurrant · 06-11-2010, 06:45 AM

http://xkcd.com/ — splendid stuff.

kennyc · 06-11-2010, 06:51 AM

I love xkcd.....here's another from a few days ago.....I'd call it Fox News in action:

http://xkcd.com/748/

Lycoming · 06-13-2010, 09:17 AM

A professor at Georgetown University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies last Wednesday.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?'

About 90 students raise their hands.

Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?'

About 40 students raise their hands.

That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'

About 15 students raise their hand.

Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?'

Three students raise their hands.

That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?'

Way in the back, masters degree student Ahmed Mohammad El-Mukfarthee raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses and says 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, No one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost.

You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'

The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.

When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Ahmed, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'

Ahmed replied, "Oh Sheet, Soooo sorry, Efendi. Sex with ghosts I don't know about. From way back there where I was sitting, I thought you asked about "sex with goats."

Lycoming · 06-14-2010, 03:16 PM

My neighbour found out that her dog ( a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the chemist and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.

The lady went to the chemist and bought some "Nair" hair remover. At the register, the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."

The lady said, "I'm not using it under my arms."

The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't shave for a couple of days."

The lady replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."

The pharmacist says, "Well stay off your bicycle for about a week."

Nate the great · 06-14-2010, 04:03 PM

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_xhH7F3Kzda...percantwin.jpg

yvanleterrible · 06-14-2010, 05:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nate the great

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_xhH7F3Kzda...percantwin.jpg

I can't remember the number of times I've thought something similar...

06-11-2010, 06:45 AM	#1285
pdurrant The Grand Mouse 高貴的老鼠 Posts: 74,053 Karma: 315160596 Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Norfolk, England Device: Kindle Oasis	Imposter http://xkcd.com/ — splendid stuff.

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06-09-2010, 11:21 AM	#1277
A_J_Lath Zealot Posts: 134 Karma: 200000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: UK Device: Computer	This one might only make sense if you live in the UK: What did the slug say to the snail? 'Big Issue, sir?'

06-09-2010, 11:28 AM	#1279
A_J_Lath Zealot Posts: 134 Karma: 200000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: UK Device: Computer	^^Okay. 'Big Issue' is a magazine distributed almost exclusively by homeless people. It operates on a charity basis, although the distributors themselves effectively become self-employed: they keep a large portion of the profits, with the rest going to various other charites which help the homeless. It's actually a pretty good mag - bought a few of them over the years. It was not a joke at the expense of the homeless, BTW - it was a joke at the expense of the slugs. And frankly, the slugs deserve it after what they did to those lettuces I attempted to grow many years ago!

06-10-2010, 12:02 PM	#1281
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	Has anybody read "The Cat's Revenge" by Claude Balls? A shorter tale, but no less epic is "The nail in the bannister" by R. Stornoway.

06-11-2010, 05:34 AM	#1284
A_J_Lath Zealot Posts: 134 Karma: 200000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: UK Device: Computer	'Carribean Cooking' by Stu D Goat (you need to imagine it in a Jamaican accent.)

06-11-2010, 06:51 AM	#1286
kennyc The Dank Side of the Moon Posts: 35,909 Karma: 119230421 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Denver, CO Device: Kindle2; Kindle Fire	I love xkcd.....here's another from a few days ago.....I'd call it Fox News in action: http://xkcd.com/748/

06-13-2010, 09:17 AM	#1287
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	A professor at Georgetown University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies last Wednesday. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?' About 90 students raise their hands. Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?' About 40 students raise their hands. That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?' About 15 students raise their hand. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?' Three students raise their hands. That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?' Way in the back, masters degree student Ahmed Mohammad El-Mukfarthee raises his hand. The professor takes off his glasses and says 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, No one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.' The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Ahmed, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?' Ahmed replied, "Oh Sheet, Soooo sorry, Efendi. Sex with ghosts I don't know about. From way back there where I was sitting, I thought you asked about "sex with goats."

06-14-2010, 03:16 PM	#1288
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	My neighbour found out that her dog ( a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the chemist and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month. The lady went to the chemist and bought some "Nair" hair remover. At the register, the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days." The lady said, "I'm not using it under my arms." The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't shave for a couple of days." The lady replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer." The pharmacist says, "Well stay off your bicycle for about a week."

06-14-2010, 04:03 PM	#1289
Nate the great Sir Penguin of Edinburgh Posts: 12,375 Karma: 23555235 Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: DC Metro area Device: Shake a stick plus 1	http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_xhH7F3Kzda...percantwin.jpg