Rant of a Reader - Page 8

SleepyBob · 06-08-2018, 03:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by arjaybe

I guess sociable people can be forgiven for the initial intrusion, maybe even if it's inane, but then the onus is on them to be observant enough to to see it's unwanted. I repeat, the innocent victim should not have to suffer the stress of being rude.

This makes zero sense, though. If someone isn't observant enough to realize that you don't want to be bothered, how can the onus be on them to be observant enough to see it's unwanted. It literally can't, because they aren't observant enough.

If someone bothers you and doesn't stop, then you need to tell them to stop, not expect that somehow they are suddenly going to become more self-aware. If it continues after that, then it's on them.

DiapDealer · 06-08-2018, 04:29 PM

People only think their non-verbal hints are overt, loud and clear messages to everyone. That's why hints are the least effective form of delivering a message.

arjaybe · 06-08-2018, 04:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SleepyBob

This makes zero sense, though. If someone isn't observant enough to realize that you don't want to be bothered, how can the onus be on them to be observant enough to see it's unwanted. It literally can't, because they aren't observant enough.

If someone bothers you and doesn't stop, then you need to tell them to stop, not expect that somehow they are suddenly going to become more self-aware. If it continues after that, then it's on them.

Nope. I never said they were unobservant, only that the onus is on them to be observant, a basic social skill. If they fail in that responsibility, then they can't complain if the person they are, by now, harassing responds in a way that surprises them. This was after their initial gambit, remember. I said they could be forgiven for that.

Knowing when to leave someone alone is as great a social skill as initiating contact.

arjaybe · 06-08-2018, 09:31 PM

I was interested by the earlier comments that talked about how non-readers don't get why we read. As if we read to kill time and we'd be much happier if we had something more interesting to do. Like talk to an interesting person, for instance.

What is the likelihood that another reader would bother someone when they're reading?

4691mls · 06-08-2018, 11:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by arjaybe

I was interested by the earlier comments that talked about how non-readers don't get why we read. As if we read to kill time and we'd be much happier if we had something more interesting to do. Like talk to an interesting person, for instance.

What is the likelihood that another reader would bother someone when they're reading?

I guess non-readers feel about reading the way I feel about sports

One reader would interrupt another only to ask what they're reading. But unlike the situation in the initial post, it would be a serious question.

DiapDealer · 06-09-2018, 06:58 AM

I'd say a reader might want to interrupt (especially if they could see it was a book they'd read and enjoyed), but they probably wouldn't. At least not until the reader put the book/device down to scratch their nose, or adjust their glasses, or take a drink.

arjaybe · 06-09-2018, 08:34 PM

That's what I thought. I'd say it's true of writers, too.

pwalker8 · 06-10-2018, 06:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 4691mls

I guess non-readers feel about reading the way I feel about sports

One reader would interrupt another only to ask what they're reading. But unlike the situation in the initial post, it would be a serious question.

A very good analogy and why I generally don't like to go to watching parties. Many people like to chat during sports events and only watch when everyone else starts to cheer. I tend to be a lot more focused on the action.

arjaybe · 06-10-2018, 11:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pwalker8

A very good analogy and why I generally don't like to go to watching parties. Many people like to chat during sports events and only watch when everyone else starts to cheer. I tend to be a lot more focused on the action.

Only watching when everyone else starts to cheer would be like reading only the last page of each chapter. Maybe the last paragraph.

sealbeater · 06-11-2018, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DiapDealer

I'd say a reader might want to interrupt (especially if they could see it was a book they'd read and enjoyed), but they probably wouldn't. At least not until the reader put the book/device down to scratch their nose, or adjust their glasses, or take a drink.

I've been known to ask, mostly to let someone know they aren't the only reader around but I keep it politely short. What are you reading?, Oh I've read that/oh, that sounds good, I'm currently reading this, yada yada, ok I'll let you get back to your book, thanks for telling me about it.

Then we both go back to reading.

The problem is when people don't realize that an at the most 2 minute conversation is is all that is needed or desired.

QuantumIguana · 06-13-2018, 04:15 PM

You tell someone what you're reading, and there is often awkwardness where they realize they don't have the slightest interest in what you're reading, and both parties are looking for a diplomatic way out of this interaction. Yes, I'm reading a story about a zombie detective. And no, I don't expect it to interest you. Yes, you can feel free to escape.

That's a bit annoying, but not nearly so much as the person who isn't the slightest bit interested in what you're reading, and is just using that as a segue to whatever pitch they have. I gave at the office, I already have a religion and I have already picked out a candidate.

FizzyWater · 06-13-2018, 07:13 PM

I had one of those scary moments once tied to a "what are you reading?" query.

Before I totally converted to only digital books, I used to troll the used books stores on Friday nights. If I was dedicated to searching in my favorites sections only and not just randomly browsing, I could hit all 3 in town after work and have a wonderful stack of books to start on for the weekend.

Once, it turned out there was some kind of festival going on near the east-side store, and when I left the bookstore I realized I wasn't getting anywhere for awhile - traffic was bumper-to-bumper and pretty much stopped. So I stopped into the closest fast food restaurant for a meal in the hopes that afterwards the traffic would be better. (It was).

I got my meal, stacked my new purchases on the table, and started entering my them into my PDA tracker so I could ensure I didn't buy them again at the next store, but got distracted by one of the books and started reading. Hey, I'm a reader - we've all been there, right?

Two guys came in...Friday evening, two guys out looking for conquests, and I could tell they'd already tossed back a few. I suspect most women here would know what I mean when I say that one of them had a look about him that, well, said he wasn't a nice guy. Could have been cast for the Lifetime movie of the week about the guy who browbeat his wife and treated her like dirt. Wanted to prove he was top-dog by embarrassing and frightening someone else.

He wandered over my way while his friend took their trays to their table..."whatcha reading?"

I had a romance novel in my hand. It had one of those lurid covers that made it more than plain what it was. And I was a female, sitting alone. I'm not a pretty woman - men don't take one look at try to hit on me. This guy just wanted to stroke his ego by being a nickname-for-Richard.

I just looked up and gave a tight smile (and yes, I'm sure that smile looked snarky) - "a book". Then went back to reading it.

He reached over and tilted the book down to get my attention. "What's the book's name?"

The look in his eyes...I'll tell you, it scared me. I was afraid to leave the restaurant before they did. He continued to push until I gave him a few answers that made him feel like he "won" and he finally backed off and went away. And I sat there shaking like the veriest coward, afraid to leave and afraid to make a scene.

I don't understand people sometimes. This wasn't someone who wanted to share reading interests or was looking for someone to talk to and hoping I was only reading because I was bored.

cfrizz · 06-13-2018, 07:19 PM

What a nightmare Fizzy! I'm glad I read on my phone when I'm out in public. Everyone will simply assume I'm playing Angry Bird.

DNSB · 06-13-2018, 11:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by arjaybe

Only watching when everyone else starts to cheer would be like reading only the last page of each chapter. Maybe the last paragraph.

I suspect it's assuming the cheering means that something exciting has happened and you will be able to catch it on the replay.

leebase · 06-15-2018, 10:17 AM

Why do people believe in "signaling"? And then get mad if I (or someone else) isn't honoring those "clear" signals?

How hard is it to say "appreciate your friendliness, but I'm in the middle of a good book right now, thanks".

Or on a plane "I'm not in the mood for a conversation right now. But thanks for being friendly. Enjoy the flight"

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06-08-2018, 04:29 PM	#107
DiapDealer Grand Sorcerer Posts: 28,645 Karma: 204624552 Join Date: Jan 2010 Device: Nexus 7, Kindle Fire HD	People only think their non-verbal hints are overt, loud and clear messages to everyone. That's why hints are the least effective form of delivering a message.

06-08-2018, 09:31 PM	#109
arjaybe Wizard Posts: 1,072 Karma: 12500000 Join Date: Aug 2013 Location: Okanagan Device: Sony PRS-650, Kobo Clara	I was interested by the earlier comments that talked about how non-readers don't get why we read. As if we read to kill time and we'd be much happier if we had something more interesting to do. Like talk to an interesting person, for instance. What is the likelihood that another reader would bother someone when they're reading?

06-09-2018, 06:58 AM	#111
DiapDealer Grand Sorcerer Posts: 28,645 Karma: 204624552 Join Date: Jan 2010 Device: Nexus 7, Kindle Fire HD	I'd say a reader might want to interrupt (especially if they could see it was a book they'd read and enjoyed), but they probably wouldn't. At least not until the reader put the book/device down to scratch their nose, or adjust their glasses, or take a drink.

06-09-2018, 08:34 PM	#112
arjaybe Wizard Posts: 1,072 Karma: 12500000 Join Date: Aug 2013 Location: Okanagan Device: Sony PRS-650, Kobo Clara	That's what I thought. I'd say it's true of writers, too.

06-13-2018, 04:15 PM	#116
QuantumIguana Philosopher Posts: 2,034 Karma: 18736532 Join Date: Jan 2012 Device: Kindle Paperwhite 2 gen, Kindle Fire 1st Gen, Kindle Touch	You tell someone what you're reading, and there is often awkwardness where they realize they don't have the slightest interest in what you're reading, and both parties are looking for a diplomatic way out of this interaction. Yes, I'm reading a story about a zombie detective. And no, I don't expect it to interest you. Yes, you can feel free to escape. That's a bit annoying, but not nearly so much as the person who isn't the slightest bit interested in what you're reading, and is just using that as a segue to whatever pitch they have. I gave at the office, I already have a religion and I have already picked out a candidate.

06-13-2018, 07:13 PM	#117
FizzyWater You kids get off my lawn! Posts: 4,220 Karma: 73492664 Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Columbus, Ohio Device: Oasis 2 and Libra H2O and half a dozen older models I can't let go of	I had one of those scary moments once tied to a "what are you reading?" query. Before I totally converted to only digital books, I used to troll the used books stores on Friday nights. If I was dedicated to searching in my favorites sections only and not just randomly browsing, I could hit all 3 in town after work and have a wonderful stack of books to start on for the weekend. Once, it turned out there was some kind of festival going on near the east-side store, and when I left the bookstore I realized I wasn't getting anywhere for awhile - traffic was bumper-to-bumper and pretty much stopped. So I stopped into the closest fast food restaurant for a meal in the hopes that afterwards the traffic would be better. (It was). I got my meal, stacked my new purchases on the table, and started entering my them into my PDA tracker so I could ensure I didn't buy them again at the next store, but got distracted by one of the books and started reading. Hey, I'm a reader - we've all been there, right? Two guys came in...Friday evening, two guys out looking for conquests, and I could tell they'd already tossed back a few. I suspect most women here would know what I mean when I say that one of them had a look about him that, well, said he wasn't a nice guy. Could have been cast for the Lifetime movie of the week about the guy who browbeat his wife and treated her like dirt. Wanted to prove he was top-dog by embarrassing and frightening someone else. He wandered over my way while his friend took their trays to their table..."whatcha reading?" I had a romance novel in my hand. It had one of those lurid covers that made it more than plain what it was. And I was a female, sitting alone. I'm not a pretty woman - men don't take one look at try to hit on me. This guy just wanted to stroke his ego by being a nickname-for-Richard. I just looked up and gave a tight smile (and yes, I'm sure that smile looked snarky) - "a book". Then went back to reading it. He reached over and tilted the book down to get my attention. "What's the book's name?" The look in his eyes...I'll tell you, it scared me. I was afraid to leave the restaurant before they did. He continued to push until I gave him a few answers that made him feel like he "won" and he finally backed off and went away. And I sat there shaking like the veriest coward, afraid to leave and afraid to make a scene. I don't understand people sometimes. This wasn't someone who wanted to share reading interests or was looking for someone to talk to and hoping I was only reading because I was bored.

06-13-2018, 07:19 PM	#118
cfrizz Wizard Posts: 1,570 Karma: 36389706 Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Quincy, MA Device: Samsung 54A, Kobo Libra H2O, Samsung S6 Lite	What a nightmare Fizzy! I'm glad I read on my phone when I'm out in public. Everyone will simply assume I'm playing Angry Bird.

06-15-2018, 10:17 AM	#120
leebase Karma Kameleon Posts: 2,973 Karma: 26738313 Join Date: Aug 2009 Device: iPad Mini, iPhone X, Kindle Fire Tab HD 8, Walmart Onn	Why do people believe in "signaling"? And then get mad if I (or someone else) isn't honoring those "clear" signals? How hard is it to say "appreciate your friendliness, but I'm in the middle of a good book right now, thanks". Or on a plane "I'm not in the mood for a conversation right now. But thanks for being friendly. Enjoy the flight"

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