Unutterably Silly The Case of the Rock and the Red, Decision at Dawn

[kindlekitten]

Originally Posted by Ralph Sir Edward

NOt that kind of Claymore....Talk to KindleKitten...

But I love the pictures...

big booms! with lots of shot! we need to plan BGD!

[badgoodDeb]

I'm just showin' you my pole vaulting skills! So's I can avoid those clay puppies....

[Rock Lobster]

I drove down to Alameda, taking as many back roads as I could find. I vowed that, from now on, I would only deal with cases in my own time frame. You ever try to get a '29 Model T up to speed on a freeway? And don't get me started on semis. After what I'd heard, I figured that some sort of fix was on, or Vivaldi would never be making book. Not that he doesn't have a larcenous heart, but his style was more the talk you out of your supper and while you're at it, could you lend me a couple grand? I knew that if they had stashed him in Riverside, that Alameda was the best bet, so to speak, for scoping out the action going down around Mr Harry the Horse.

I pulled up to the main gate and walked in just as the Third was getting the bell. Walking around, I didn't see anything more unusual than what you get at a race track in the middle of the night. There had to be something going on, so I just kept sauntering through the galleries. Too bad there isn't an Olympic event for sauntering, because with all the practice I was getting, I bet I could have made the team.

I passed a handsome couple who seemed to have problems of their own. "I swear to God, Vera! These hunches of yours are going to be the death of us! What made you think that he'd be here in this forsaken excuse of a time frame?" said the handsome man, who was wearing a slouch flight cap and a brown leather jacket.

"Have my hunches ever been wrong?" asked the pretty blonde wearing a large and garish ring with a yellow and red spiral in the cabuchet.

"No, but what would he be doing here? There aren't any Nazis or Imperial spies left around here! He'd be bored."

I walked on, hoping that the couple could patch up their differences. And find whoever it was they were looking for.

I was just about to give it up as a bad guess, when I saw what I'd been looking for. I hadn't known exactly what it would be, but I knew it would stick out like a talking chicken at a fox convention. They had tried hard to disguise themselves, what with one wearing a false handlebar moustache and the other a yellow trench coat, I'll give them that. But a sock in a disguise is till just a sock wearing something to make himself look silly.

"Hello, Hugo, Lefty. Trying out the ponies for your latest little scam?"

I'd run into these characters before. Hard cases, the both of them. There wasn't a swindle on the West Coast that didn't have their foot prints, so to speak on it. The situation with Vivaldi and book making was, all of a sudden, quite clear.

The socks jumped up in surprise and tried to make a run for it. They didn't get more than five feet away from the betting window they'd been pantomiming in front of before I put my foot down. Literally. Both of them tried fruitlessly to get away, but my size twelves were firmly planted on their cuffs and they were going nowhere.

[badgoodDeb]

Oh, we've got the whole crew here, huh? Vera and probably Harv; the sock boys; VR; bgDeb and KK ..... Wheeeee! Let's schedule a party for after the show! Meetcha last week at Marc's!

[Greg Anos]

On the way over, I figured out a way in. It wouldn't keep my good driver discount, and I think the insurance adjuster would faint. But...

I pulled up near the beach house, and put on my night goggles, gas mask, wrapped the rope around my mid section, and got out the Bowie Knife and the smoke bomb. Some jobs call for guns, some jobs call for knives. This was gonna be a knife job.

I pulled my SUV into one of these circular driveways in the house that was two houses over. I carefully pointed the nose of the SUV so it would graze the front of the beach house where VR was. I hunted around and found a paving stone I could use and put it on the floorboard. I opened the car door, hung on to the the door frame, an reached in to put the SUV in gear, it started trundling towards the beach house.

About 15 meters from the corner of the beach house, I dropped the paving stone on the gas pedal and jumped.

I rolled with the knife hand stuck out over my head. I didn't want to stab myself. The SUV roared across the front of the house and suddenly it was the Fourth of July. Claymores started goin' off like firecrackers, and the SUV was shredded. By the time it reached the end of the house it was burning merrily, and about another five meters on the gas tank let go with a huge WHOOMP, flipping it over and lighting up the sky.

I raced along the front of the house, pitchin' the smoke grenade through one of the shattered windows. Enough shrapnel had bounced off the SUV to knock out all the windows along the front of the house. I then ducked and crawled to the another window in the front of the house. Smoke was now starting to pour out of most of the windows. I used the Bowie knife to clear the glass out of the window frame and snuck into the house, goggles and all.

Now all I had to do was find VR, grab him, and go, before the Alameda cops got there. I'm certain the neighbor didn't appreciate flambe' de SUV in their neighborhood watch area...

[Greg Anos]

Looking through goggle in the smoke is a weird experience, sort of like looking at ghosts. Only there wasn't any ghosts.

I couldn't call VR because that would target me. I drifted from room to room, but found nobody.

Finally I got to the garage.

I opened the doors and suddenly stared at 3 John Roscoes and a shiv.

Harry the Horse said, "Why couldn't you have come in through the Garage, like a normal person? Look what you've done to my renter's policy."

Looking at the various armaments, I reminded myself that at least I wasn't getting banged on the head, like Rock.

I said, "Harry, mind if I surrender my knife to Jake the Shiv?"

Harry replied, "Just do it slow and careful."

I slowly reverse the grip and stuck out the knife, hilt first, to Jake. At least I figured it was Jake, holding his shiv.

He took it, and gave a quick check of the balance.

"Nice one."

"Take care of it."

"I'll do that."

I turned to Harry. "Now Harry, I figgered you'd reconnected the Claymores to the key as soon as Solly gave you a ring. Thus seemed like the safest way for me to knock on the door. After all, I wasn't selling encyclopedias."

"Solly called?"

"C'mon Harry. If I see you at a track and there's a boat race. I don't have to track the entire chain down to know you're behind it. Solly didn't have a car."

"So why are you sticking you beak in my business? It's not healthy."

"You're the one who dognapped VR, and tried to use me as a bagman. I thought you knew enough to pick a dumb bagman."

"Who's holding the guns, Redneck."

A smart man doesn't annoy people holding guns on him, so I let that pass.

"Besides, Red, I like to keep an eye on all the players. This way I could use you to get the money flowing, and not have you show up at an inopportune time. You have that habit."

"Speakin' of inopportune times, Harry, just how long do you figger it'll be before the cops and the fire trucks get here for the weiner roast out there."

"Not fast enough for you, Red..."

[badgoodDeb]

"Speakin' of inopportune times, Harry, just how long do you figger it'll be before the cops and the fire trucks get here for the weiner roast out there."

"Not fast enough for you, Red..."

Mebbe, mebbe not. But there are two broads on the way too..... At least I think that's where you directed us? I forget... My GPS will get us to wherever you told us to go.

[pshrynk]

I have had to deal with parental issues, ie having a new grandson, so Rock will need some time to work on his next segment. But it will be soon.

[badgoodDeb]

Oh, hey!! Babies!! Toss him this way; Xena can deal. She'd love to hold him for a while.

Actually, Xena might have issues. BGDeb would enjoy it!

[Greg Anos]

I put on my best friendly smile and said, "Ok, Harry, let's vamanose."

Harry sneered, "Who said you were going anywhere?"

"Now what kind of hospitality is that? I haven't had a chance to see VR yet."

I reached back and scratched my neck. And pull a little item from under my collar.

"Red, I'd like to stay and chat, but I think I hear sirens in the distance, and I just don't have time to discuss your funeral with you."

"Too bad. If you leave me behind, you'll just cry your eyes out."

A piece of metal made a rattling sound on the floor. Harry looked startled.

"You see, Harry, that was the safety pin on the deadman on this here little grenade. It's not H.E., or at least not much, It's just mil-spec tear gas. When my hand relaxes, it'll go off with a bang, and about one second later none of you will be able to see. Being caught cryin' over my corpse is a sure way to that life without parole. Assuming, of course, the Alameda cops don't get itchy. I won't care, either way. Now shall we go see VR."

Harry was just P.O.ed. "I'd like to make you eat that thing."

"Better not, I had beans last night."

"All right, get into the car."

"And try not to hit any bumps. My hand isn't as strong as it used to be."

[badgoodDeb]

Oh dear! Where's my silk tie when I need it.....

Watch out bad guys. I've just watched some vintage Get Smart, so I've got lots of tricks up my sleeve now!

[psockpuppet]

"Hugo?"

"Yeah, Lefty."

"Why are we like this?"

"Well, there are some who say that the Great Knitter, when she was contemplating sweaters, found that the need to have two sleeves was important, so she practiced first on socks, making us have an eternal pairing instinct. Others feel that duality, being the natural force of the universe, as in Yin and Yang, forces us to have this nature. Me, I think it's because having one foot naked is silly."

"No, I meant why did Mr Lobster roll us into one another and put a rubber band around us?"

"Oh. He can be a real jerk like that sometimes. I suppose he's trying to keep us from getting away while he drives over to find Red."

"I've been looking at the script and I think we're playing bad guys this time around."

"Just think of it as stretching yourself, Lefty."

"I tried that once, but didn't like having to ride around in the dryer over time to get back to normal shape."

"Just follow the script, Lefty."

"Okay."

[pshrynk]

Harv was beginning to question the wisdom of letting Vivaldi talk him into using Dr Montsnmags' Temporal Displacer while they were house sitting. Sure, going back to 1864 to see a play was fun, but he wasn't sure that letting that actor guy in the back door had turned out so well. Lefty had thought that the whole screaming and jumping from the balcony to the stage thing was part of the play, but Harv was pretty certain that it was a bit too much drama for a comedy.

Then there was that whole thing with the Archduke and that bomb thrower. Harv didn't recall any mention in the history books of the guy being helped out by a talking dog and a zombie named leTerrible.

And now, Vivaldi had turned up missing in this place that kept flopping back and forth between the thirties and a time that could only be described as "loud." Sure, Vera was as good a tracker as anyone could ever remember, but there were limits on how much a human could get from the hard concrete in front of a bowling alley. To top it off, the socks had been here just a minute ago, and now they, too, were turned up missing.

"I hate to think what this little trip is doing to the time continuum. I meant Montsnmags warned us that temporal displacement could lead to massive injury to the universe if the wrong things were messed with."

"Oh, don't be such a baby!" said Vera. "We are far too insignificant to have any real effect on the time stream!"

"I hope your're right. You know, I thought I saw Hugo and Lefty being carried away by that guy who looks like Bogey. Well, like Bogey after a long night of getting beat up by a chimpanzee."

"Well, we don't have any more leads here. Might as well try to tale that guy."

"We could really use Vivaldi's keen sense of smell here. Oh yeah! I forgot! We're down one talking dog, right now!"

"Listen, how was I to know that that little flea bag had the idea that his mother was in this time line when I allowed him to program the daft thing?"

[Rock Lobster]

As the socks tried pantomiming their absolute innocence, I started getting impatient. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm a firm believer in the whole "until proven guilty" thing, but innocent don't pay the rent. Nor does being a gumshoe, as it turns out. I rolled them up into a ball and put a rubber band around them. Like I said, I'd dealth with these two slippery rags before.

I fired up the flivver and eased out into the traffic stream. For some reason, guys in huge cars about two inches off the ground kept driving by and calling me Bogey. I met Bogey once. I'm far more handsome than he was, is, damn this temporal displacement language barrier!

As I plugged along on my way to Alameda, I noticed that I was being tailed. It wasn't hard to do, since some genius was driving a large sea plane like it was a car. You just can't miss that sort of thing, no matter how many times he pulls over to make it look like he's parking. I made a note to be cautious when the time came, but kept on driving. I had to get a certain pair of socks up next to a certain talking dog in order to get certain answers.

I drove up to the address that Tweedle Stupid had given Red and me just as the cops and fire department arrived on the scene. I recognized the bulking land freighter that Red had been driving, mostly from the color and the fact that it was large. Other than that, it no longer met the manufacturer's specs. It barely matched the specs of being "formerly a car."

I looked around carefully for the phantom head smacker before getting out. I may be slow, but at least I can learn after the second time. I walked up to one of the cops and asked what gave.

"Some paranoid meth heads rigged up their lab with some military mines and a rival gang tried to storm the castle. at least that's what my looie thinks. Usually the labs go sky as soon as the shooting starts, though. We have to clear a perimeter. You live here?"

"No. I was just coming to take some pictures for a client." I felt it best to look like the typical divorce consultant, rather than someone who had business with the former occupants of the burning bungalow across the street.

"You a landscape photographer?"

"Yeah. Looking to see the majestic mountains." I walked away before the cop could get the idea to ask me why I didn't have a camera. Although I suppose I cold have showed him the clucking compact and sworn that it was my camera. This time has crazier things going on. Just as the seaplane rounded the corner, it occurred to me that Red had said something about calling him if I needed anything. I decided I needed an idea of where he was, so I could get to the mutt before he did, just to get a better part of the pie.

I took out the clucking compact and pushed the buttons Red had shown me. I heard the ringer and then Red's voice.

"Yeah?"

"I got a couple socks that need laundering. Where are you?" The socks in my pocket started struggling again at the mention of the word laundry. Batting them down, I said, "Where can I meet you?"

"I'm a bit busy right now. But do you know where wells used to be?"

"In my day, they're still there. I'll meet up with you in the hills around two AM. Do I need to make a cake?"

"Yah. See you later." The line went dead. Great. Baking up a nice reception for whoever it was that Red had gotten attached to was going to take some maneuvering. Pushing random buttons on the compact eventually got me what I wanted.

"Yeah, BadGoodDeb? It's Rock. The one who shares office hallways with Red. Yes, the one who looks like Bogey. Listen, Red wants me to prepare a nice little reception in the hills above LA where the oilfield used to be. Could you meet me there about one AM? Thanks. Oh, and by the way, do you have anything that can shoot down an airplane? Naw, just a prop job. Good, bring that along, too. We may need it."

[badgoodDeb]

Oh good! Some real action is coming up. KK and I can hardly wait!