Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 773

PoP · 02-02-2022, 09:18 PM

When God said, “Let there be light!” Chuck said, “Say Please.”

Spoiler:

[EDIT 2022-02-03]

Spoiler:

DNSB · 02-03-2022, 02:20 PM

I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my siblings.

drjd · 02-06-2022, 05:10 AM

Do you enjoy yelling "What?" from the other room?

Then marriage might be for you.

DNSB · 02-06-2022, 02:35 PM

Marriage and bigamy are both defined as having one too many spouses.

drjd · 02-08-2022, 05:04 AM

What does "The Devil is in the details" mean?
It means the government just passed the budget.

DNSB · 02-08-2022, 01:41 PM

A senior citizen called her husband during his drive home, “Jimmy, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on Interstate 90, Please be careful!”

Jimmy said, “It’s not just one car. There’s hundreds of them!”

drjd · 02-09-2022, 04:33 AM

A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle.

"It's for my husband," she tells the clerk.

"Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk.

"Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn't even know that I'm going to shoot him!"

DNSB · 02-10-2022, 01:55 AM

A maestro is convicted of murdering his wife, and sentenced to die in the electric chair.

On the night of the execution, he is strapped into the chair and they pull the switch. Nothing happens.

Thinking it must be a power supply problem, they turn off all the lights in the prison and try again. Still nothing.

They turn out all the lights in the town and try again. Nothing.

So, they let him go because he was such a poor conductor.

drjd · 02-10-2022, 03:44 AM

Irony:
Hyphenated
Non-hyphenated

DNSB · 02-10-2022, 12:39 PM

Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favourite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

drjd · 02-11-2022, 04:59 AM

Any married man should forget his mistakes – it's no use two people remembering the same thing.

DNSB · 02-11-2022, 02:23 PM

The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why?”
“Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”

guanaco · 02-12-2022, 05:41 PM

My dad told me once: "Son, stay out of strip clubs or you might see something you shouldn't."

So, of course, I went and he was right.

I saw my dad.

drjd · 02-17-2022, 12:00 PM

An old couple were talking. The wife asked her husband, "How many women have you slept with?"

"Only you, Darling,” the man replied proudly. “With all the others I was wide awake."

drjd · 02-19-2022, 06:08 AM

A guy sees an advertisement in a pet-shop window: "Talking Centipede $100."

The guy goes in and buys it. He gets home, opens the box and asks the centipede if he wants to go for a beer.

The centipede doesn't answer, so the guy closes the lid, convinced he's been swindled. Thirty minutes later he decides to try again.

He raises his voice and shouts, "Do you want to go for a beer?"

The centipede pokes his head out of the box and says, "Pipe down! I heard you the first time. I'm putting on my shoes!"

02-02-2022, 09:18 PM	#11581
PoP curly᷂͓̫̙᷊̥̮̾ͯͤͭͬͦͨ ʎʌɹnɔ Posts: 3,018 Karma: 50506927 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: ♁ ᴺ₄₅°₃₀' ᵂ₇₃°₃₇' ±₆₀" Device: K3₃.₄.₃ PW3&4₅.₁₃.₃	When God said, “Let there be light!” Chuck said, “Say Please.” Spoiler: Him of course. [EDIT 2022-02-03] Spoiler: On the 7th day, God rested … Chuck Norris took over. Last edited by PoP; 02-04-2022 at 08:55 AM. Reason: to make it perfectly clear

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02-03-2022, 02:20 PM	#11582
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,929 Karma: 169810634 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my siblings.

02-06-2022, 05:10 AM	#11583
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Do you enjoy yelling "What?" from the other room? Then marriage might be for you.

02-06-2022, 02:35 PM	#11584
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,929 Karma: 169810634 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Marriage and bigamy are both defined as having one too many spouses.

02-08-2022, 05:04 AM	#11585
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	What does "The Devil is in the details" mean? It means the government just passed the budget.

02-08-2022, 01:41 PM	#11586
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,929 Karma: 169810634 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	A senior citizen called her husband during his drive home, “Jimmy, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on Interstate 90, Please be careful!” Jimmy said, “It’s not just one car. There’s hundreds of them!”

02-09-2022, 04:33 AM	#11587
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle. "It's for my husband," she tells the clerk. "Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk. "Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn't even know that I'm going to shoot him!"

02-10-2022, 01:55 AM	#11588
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,929 Karma: 169810634 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	A maestro is convicted of murdering his wife, and sentenced to die in the electric chair. On the night of the execution, he is strapped into the chair and they pull the switch. Nothing happens. Thinking it must be a power supply problem, they turn off all the lights in the prison and try again. Still nothing. They turn out all the lights in the town and try again. Nothing. So, they let him go because he was such a poor conductor.

02-10-2022, 03:44 AM	#11589
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Irony: Hyphenated Non-hyphenated

02-10-2022, 12:39 PM	#11590
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,929 Karma: 169810634 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favourite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

02-11-2022, 04:59 AM	#11591
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Any married man should forget his mistakes – it's no use two people remembering the same thing.

02-11-2022, 02:23 PM	#11592
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,929 Karma: 169810634 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?” “Why?” “Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”

02-12-2022, 05:41 PM	#11593
guanaco Recovering reader Posts: 226 Karma: 8008008 Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: México Device: iPad	My dad told me once: "Son, stay out of strip clubs or you might see something you shouldn't." So, of course, I went and he was right. I saw my dad.

02-17-2022, 12:00 PM	#11594
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	An old couple were talking. The wife asked her husband, "How many women have you slept with?" "Only you, Darling,” the man replied proudly. “With all the others I was wide awake."

02-19-2022, 06:08 AM	#11595
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A guy sees an advertisement in a pet-shop window: "Talking Centipede $100." The guy goes in and buys it. He gets home, opens the box and asks the centipede if he wants to go for a beer. The centipede doesn't answer, so the guy closes the lid, convinced he's been swindled. Thirty minutes later he decides to try again. He raises his voice and shouts, "Do you want to go for a beer?" The centipede pokes his head out of the box and says, "Pipe down! I heard you the first time. I'm putting on my shoes!"