Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 772

DNSB · 01-08-2022, 12:04 AM

My children treat me like a god.

They ignore my existence and only talk to me when they need something.

drjd · 01-08-2022, 05:49 AM

My six year old grand daughter went for a weekend trip with her grandparents. On the way home, we stopped at a country restaurant for lunch.

The little girl left the table to use the restroom by herself. A moment later she returned with a confused look on her face. She says, "Grandpa, am I a rooster or a hen?"

drjd · 01-09-2022, 04:30 AM

I found the meaning of life.

It’s on page 937 in the dictionary between the words lie and lifeboat.

DNSB · 01-09-2022, 03:51 PM

Cleanliness is only next to godliness if you have a severely abridged dictionary.

drjd · 01-10-2022, 10:13 AM

An Alaskan was on trial in Anchorage.
The prosecutor leaned menacingly toward him and asked, “Where were you on the night of October to April?”

drjd · 01-12-2022, 06:00 AM

The more I get to know people...

The more I realize why Noah let only animals on the boat.

DNSB · 01-12-2022, 05:23 PM

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence; then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"[

drjd · 01-14-2022, 04:58 AM

Why is a diet called a "diet"?
Because all the other 4-letter words were taken.

drjd · 01-15-2022, 05:02 AM

Why do Morris dancers wear bells?

So they can annoy blind people as well.

drjd · 01-22-2022, 05:04 AM

A woman phones up her husband at work for a chat...
Says He: "I'm sorry honey but I'm up to my neck in work today"
Says She: "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you dear."
Says He: "OK darling, but since I've got no time now, just give me the good news, OK?"
Says She: "Well, the air bag works..."

drjd · 01-28-2022, 06:02 AM

Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.

DNSB · 01-28-2022, 11:49 AM

King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world.
Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, “I’ll give you 100,000 dinars for it.”
The King protested, “But I paid a million dinars for it! Don’t you know who I am? I am the king!”
Croesus replied, “When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are.”

drjd · 01-30-2022, 05:47 AM

The condemned man was waiting for his execution, when the priest arrived.

"My son, I came to bring the word of God to you."

"No thanks, Father. I'm going to talk to Him in a little while, personally. Any message?"

DNSB · 01-30-2022, 10:04 PM

I was playing chess with a friend the other day. She said, 'Hey. let's make this interesting' So we stopped playing chess.

DNSB · 01-31-2022, 03:23 PM

The page said I needed an eight character password so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.

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01-08-2022, 12:04 AM	#11566
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,997 Karma: 169810634 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	My children treat me like a god. They ignore my existence and only talk to me when they need something.

01-08-2022, 05:49 AM	#11567
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	My six year old grand daughter went for a weekend trip with her grandparents. On the way home, we stopped at a country restaurant for lunch. The little girl left the table to use the restroom by herself. A moment later she returned with a confused look on her face. She says, "Grandpa, am I a rooster or a hen?"

01-09-2022, 04:30 AM	#11568
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	I found the meaning of life. It’s on page 937 in the dictionary between the words lie and lifeboat.

01-09-2022, 03:51 PM	#11569
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,997 Karma: 169810634 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Cleanliness is only next to godliness if you have a severely abridged dictionary.

01-10-2022, 10:13 AM	#11570
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	An Alaskan was on trial in Anchorage. The prosecutor leaned menacingly toward him and asked, “Where were you on the night of October to April?”

01-12-2022, 06:00 AM	#11571
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	The more I get to know people... The more I realize why Noah let only animals on the boat.

01-12-2022, 05:23 PM	#11572
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,997 Karma: 169810634 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"[

01-14-2022, 04:58 AM	#11573
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Why is a diet called a "diet"? Because all the other 4-letter words were taken.

01-15-2022, 05:02 AM	#11574
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Why do Morris dancers wear bells? So they can annoy blind people as well.

01-22-2022, 05:04 AM	#11575
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A woman phones up her husband at work for a chat... Says He: "I'm sorry honey but I'm up to my neck in work today" Says She: "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you dear." Says He: "OK darling, but since I've got no time now, just give me the good news, OK?" Says She: "Well, the air bag works..."

01-28-2022, 06:02 AM	#11576
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes? No one can eat just one potato ship.

01-28-2022, 11:49 AM	#11577
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,997 Karma: 169810634 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, “I’ll give you 100,000 dinars for it.” The King protested, “But I paid a million dinars for it! Don’t you know who I am? I am the king!” Croesus replied, “When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are.”

01-30-2022, 05:47 AM	#11578
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	The condemned man was waiting for his execution, when the priest arrived. "My son, I came to bring the word of God to you." "No thanks, Father. I'm going to talk to Him in a little while, personally. Any message?"

01-30-2022, 10:04 PM	#11579
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,997 Karma: 169810634 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	I was playing chess with a friend the other day. She said, 'Hey. let's make this interesting' So we stopped playing chess.

01-31-2022, 03:23 PM	#11580
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,997 Karma: 169810634 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	The page said I needed an eight character password so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.