Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 771

badgoodDeb · 12-17-2021, 10:02 PM

clap clap clap!!

DNSB · 12-19-2021, 01:48 AM

I had to tell my suitcase that due to COVID-19, my Christmas vacation travel plans were cancelled. Now I have emotional baggage.

drjd · 12-19-2021, 07:53 AM

I just burned 2000 calories in 20 minutes.
I forgot to take my brownies out of the oven.

guanaco · 12-19-2021, 01:34 PM

A certain airline invited 100 executives and their wives to fly to London and spend a weekend there to inaugurate that new route. A week later the wives received a message in which the line thanked them for their company and expressed its wish that they had enjoyed the trip. 90% of the wives answered: "Which trip?"

drjd · 12-21-2021, 06:49 AM

What do you call a priest that’s also a lawyer?
A father in law.

drjd · 12-27-2021, 04:25 AM

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

DNSB · 12-27-2021, 06:28 PM

When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

drjd · 12-29-2021, 05:35 AM

My grand daughter asked me if a punch bowl is a place where you keep names of people you want to punch...

I usually keep them in my head but, keeping them in a fancy crystal bowl seems classy.

drjd · 01-01-2022, 05:09 AM

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in...
A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.

Happy new year!

DNSB · 01-01-2022, 07:40 PM

The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds.
The pessimist fears it is true.

Happy New Year!

guanaco · 01-02-2022, 11:48 PM

I had to go to the doctor because I thought I broke my ankle when I tripped on a Kleenex box.

My doctor said me not to worry as it was just tissue damage.

drjd · 01-03-2022, 11:12 AM

A man giving a long-winded speech finally says, "I'm sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home."

A voice from the crowd says, "There's a calendar behind you."

DNSB · 01-04-2022, 05:25 PM

I was going to quit all my bad habits for the New Year, but then I that remembered no one likes a quitter!

drjd · 01-05-2022, 05:36 AM

Have you heard about the latest anonymous sperm bank being established by the State of Indiana?
It will be called "Hoosier Daddy!"

DNSB · 01-05-2022, 10:15 PM

Groan!

The mark of a good pun is that it has the audience rolling in the aisles towards the exit.

12-19-2021, 01:48 AM	#11552
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,960 Karma: 169810634 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	I had to tell my suitcase that due to COVID-19, my Christmas vacation travel plans were cancelled. Now I have emotional baggage. Last edited by DNSB; 12-19-2021 at 01:50 AM.

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12-17-2021, 10:02 PM	#11551
badgoodDeb Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,555 Karma: 64462893 Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Harrisburg outskirts Device: Palms, K1-4s, iPads, iPhones, KV, KO1	clap clap clap!!

12-19-2021, 07:53 AM	#11553
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	I just burned 2000 calories in 20 minutes. I forgot to take my brownies out of the oven.

12-19-2021, 01:34 PM	#11554
guanaco Recovering reader Posts: 226 Karma: 8008008 Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: México Device: iPad	A certain airline invited 100 executives and their wives to fly to London and spend a weekend there to inaugurate that new route. A week later the wives received a message in which the line thanked them for their company and expressed its wish that they had enjoyed the trip. 90% of the wives answered: "Which trip?"

12-21-2021, 06:49 AM	#11555
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	What do you call a priest that’s also a lawyer? A father in law.

12-27-2021, 04:25 AM	#11556
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

12-27-2021, 06:28 PM	#11557
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,960 Karma: 169810634 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

12-29-2021, 05:35 AM	#11558
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	My grand daughter asked me if a punch bowl is a place where you keep names of people you want to punch... I usually keep them in my head but, keeping them in a fancy crystal bowl seems classy.

01-01-2022, 05:09 AM	#11559
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in... A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. Happy new year!

01-01-2022, 07:40 PM	#11560
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,960 Karma: 169810634 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears it is true. Happy New Year!

01-02-2022, 11:48 PM	#11561
guanaco Recovering reader Posts: 226 Karma: 8008008 Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: México Device: iPad	I had to go to the doctor because I thought I broke my ankle when I tripped on a Kleenex box. My doctor said me not to worry as it was just tissue damage.

01-03-2022, 11:12 AM	#11562
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A man giving a long-winded speech finally says, "I'm sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home." A voice from the crowd says, "There's a calendar behind you."

01-04-2022, 05:25 PM	#11563
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,960 Karma: 169810634 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	I was going to quit all my bad habits for the New Year, but then I that remembered no one likes a quitter!

01-05-2022, 05:36 AM	#11564
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Have you heard about the latest anonymous sperm bank being established by the State of Indiana? It will be called "Hoosier Daddy!"

01-05-2022, 10:15 PM	#11565
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,960 Karma: 169810634 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Groan! The mark of a good pun is that it has the audience rolling in the aisles towards the exit.