Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 765

drjd · 07-01-2021, 05:21 AM

In the 70s, a Soviet professor and two of his students are conducting an excavation in the Ural Mountains. They discover a well preserved man in the ice and they dig him up. He is wearing some primitive clothes, a stick and some unknown artefacts and they soon start arguing which age he is from. When the discussion heats up, the professor stops them and says: "Students, please. I friend of mine is an intelligence officer at a KGB station not far from here. They have a lot of equipment and I am certain they can help us resolve this." They bring him to the KGB station and the professor's friend and intelligence officer accepts and tells them to sit and wait.

One day passes and nothing happens. Two days, still nothing and the students are starting to grow a little impatient. They call up the officer and ask about the progress. He tells them to be patient and just leaves. After two more days, the intelligence officer show up with a slight smile. The professor and his students are very curious asks what they've found out. "Well, he is 5344 years old, he lived of berries, vegetables and occasionally some meat. His name was Golunk and he lived in an ancient city which is long gone. He used the stick to fight of wild beasts which were vast at that time. He also had eight kids and three wives and the artefacts were a gift for his oldest son's wedding.".

The professor was stunned over the precision and so were his students. They knew KGB had resources, but at this level.. One of the students asked the officer how they were able to pin-point the information at this granularity?

"He confessed!", said the officer.

DNSB · 07-01-2021, 11:48 AM

Did you hear the one about the bagpiper who parked his car with the windows open, forgetting that he had left his bagpipes in the back seat?
He rushed back as soon as he realized it, but it was too late--someone had already put another set of bagpipes in the car.

badgoodDeb · 07-01-2021, 04:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DNSB

Did you hear the one about the bagpiper who parked his car with the windows open, forgetting that he had left his bagpipes in the back seat?
He rushed back as soon as he realized it, but it was too late--someone had already put another set of bagpipes in the car.

Parallel:

DNSB · 07-01-2021, 06:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by badgoodDeb

Parallel:

drjd · 07-02-2021, 05:52 AM

Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast. Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her husband.

"Henry," she said, "I've just received a letter from mother saying she isn't accepting our invitation to come and stay, as we do not appear to want her. What does she mean by that? I told you to write and say that she was to come at her own convenience. You did write, didn't you?"

"Er, yes, I did," said the husband. "But I couldn't spell 'convenience', so I made it 'risk'."

drjd · 07-03-2021, 06:23 AM

My dentist was voted "Dentist Of The Year"....

He didn't get a trophy, they just gave him a little plaque.

drjd · 07-05-2021, 05:29 AM

Just so everyone is clear...
I'm going to put my glasses on.

drjd · 07-06-2021, 05:49 AM

A group of American tourists was being guided through an ancient castle in Europe.

"This place," the guide told them, "is 600 years old. Not a stone in it has been touched, nothing altered, nothing replaced in all those years."

"Wow," said one woman dryly, "they must have the same landlord I have."

Adoby · 07-07-2021, 03:09 AM

You should never hit a man with glasses. Instead use your fist or a bat.

DNSB · 07-07-2021, 11:24 AM

Send two dozen roses to Room 424 and put “Emily, I love you” on the back of the bill.

drjd · 07-12-2021, 07:24 AM

Death and taxes are inevitable...
But at least death doesn't get worse every year!

drjd · 07-13-2021, 05:40 AM

"Hey Alexa, can you check my bank account and see what Apple product I can afford to buy...."

Alexa: "Apple Juice."

drjd · 07-14-2021, 05:55 AM

Did you know Bruce Lee has a faster older brother?
Sudden Lee.

DNSB · 07-14-2021, 12:48 PM

Who was the best business woman in ancient Egypt?

Pharaoh's daughter—she went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Just passing the suffering along...

timebug · 07-14-2021, 01:41 PM

Two prawns were swimming around in the sea. One called Justin and the other called Kristian. They were happy but were often harassed by the massive sharks that inhabited the area.
One day, Justin said to Kristian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten.”
They asked the wise old codfish if it is possible to become a shark. He said, "Your wish is granted.” Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Kristian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old friend.
Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old chums simply swam away whenever he came close. Justin realised his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sadness.
While swimming alone one day he saw the old codfish again. He begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, found himself turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy, Justin swam to his friend’s home. As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "Hello, it’s me, Justin! Your old friend.”
Kristian replied, "No way. You'll eat me. You're a shark...my enemy. I'll not be tricked into being your dinner.”
Justin said, "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed. I found Cod. I'm a prawn again, Kristian.”

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07-01-2021, 05:21 AM	#11461
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	In the 70s, a Soviet professor and two of his students are conducting an excavation in the Ural Mountains. They discover a well preserved man in the ice and they dig him up. He is wearing some primitive clothes, a stick and some unknown artefacts and they soon start arguing which age he is from. When the discussion heats up, the professor stops them and says: "Students, please. I friend of mine is an intelligence officer at a KGB station not far from here. They have a lot of equipment and I am certain they can help us resolve this." They bring him to the KGB station and the professor's friend and intelligence officer accepts and tells them to sit and wait. One day passes and nothing happens. Two days, still nothing and the students are starting to grow a little impatient. They call up the officer and ask about the progress. He tells them to be patient and just leaves. After two more days, the intelligence officer show up with a slight smile. The professor and his students are very curious asks what they've found out. "Well, he is 5344 years old, he lived of berries, vegetables and occasionally some meat. His name was Golunk and he lived in an ancient city which is long gone. He used the stick to fight of wild beasts which were vast at that time. He also had eight kids and three wives and the artefacts were a gift for his oldest son's wedding.". The professor was stunned over the precision and so were his students. They knew KGB had resources, but at this level.. One of the students asked the officer how they were able to pin-point the information at this granularity? "He confessed!", said the officer.

07-01-2021, 11:48 AM	#11462
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,978 Karma: 169810634 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Did you hear the one about the bagpiper who parked his car with the windows open, forgetting that he had left his bagpipes in the back seat? He rushed back as soon as he realized it, but it was too late--someone had already put another set of bagpipes in the car.

07-02-2021, 05:52 AM	#11465
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast. Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her husband. "Henry," she said, "I've just received a letter from mother saying she isn't accepting our invitation to come and stay, as we do not appear to want her. What does she mean by that? I told you to write and say that she was to come at her own convenience. You did write, didn't you?" "Er, yes, I did," said the husband. "But I couldn't spell 'convenience', so I made it 'risk'."

07-03-2021, 06:23 AM	#11466
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	My dentist was voted "Dentist Of The Year".... He didn't get a trophy, they just gave him a little plaque.

07-05-2021, 05:29 AM	#11467
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Just so everyone is clear... I'm going to put my glasses on.

07-06-2021, 05:49 AM	#11468
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A group of American tourists was being guided through an ancient castle in Europe. "This place," the guide told them, "is 600 years old. Not a stone in it has been touched, nothing altered, nothing replaced in all those years." "Wow," said one woman dryly, "they must have the same landlord I have."

07-07-2021, 03:09 AM	#11469
Adoby Handy Elephant Posts: 1,737 Karma: 26785684 Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Southern Sweden, far out in the quiet woods Device: Samsung Galaxy Tab S8 Ultra	You should never hit a man with glasses. Instead use your fist or a bat.

07-07-2021, 11:24 AM	#11470
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,978 Karma: 169810634 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Send two dozen roses to Room 424 and put “Emily, I love you” on the back of the bill.

07-12-2021, 07:24 AM	#11471
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Death and taxes are inevitable... But at least death doesn't get worse every year!

07-13-2021, 05:40 AM	#11472
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	"Hey Alexa, can you check my bank account and see what Apple product I can afford to buy...." Alexa: "Apple Juice."

07-14-2021, 05:55 AM	#11473
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Did you know Bruce Lee has a faster older brother? Sudden Lee.

07-14-2021, 12:48 PM	#11474
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,978 Karma: 169810634 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Who was the best business woman in ancient Egypt? Pharaoh's daughter—she went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet. Just passing the suffering along...

07-14-2021, 01:41 PM	#11475
timebug Ancient Sage Posts: 14,585 Karma: 15493448 Join Date: Oct 2015 Location: Derby U.K. Device: Kobo Reader	Two prawns were swimming around in the sea. One called Justin and the other called Kristian. They were happy but were often harassed by the massive sharks that inhabited the area. One day, Justin said to Kristian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten.” They asked the wise old codfish if it is possible to become a shark. He said, "Your wish is granted.” Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Kristian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old friend. Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old chums simply swam away whenever he came close. Justin realised his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sadness. While swimming alone one day he saw the old codfish again. He begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, found himself turned back into a prawn. With tears of joy, Justin swam to his friend’s home. As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "Hello, it’s me, Justin! Your old friend.” Kristian replied, "No way. You'll eat me. You're a shark...my enemy. I'll not be tricked into being your dinner.” Justin said, "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed. I found Cod. I'm a prawn again, Kristian.”