Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 763

Adoby · 05-26-2021, 07:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.

Aha! Big Bang explained!

DNSB · 05-27-2021, 10:05 PM

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert.
After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, 'Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?'
'The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.'
'What that tell you?' asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, 'Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What's it tell you, Tonto?'
'You dumber than buffalo crap. It means someone stole the tent'

drjd · 05-28-2021, 05:11 AM

Our computers went down at work today, so we had to do everything manually...
It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards for solitaire.

DNSB · 05-28-2021, 11:52 AM

A man walks up to a librarian and asks, "Do you have any books on Pavlov's dogs and Schrödinger's cat?" The librarian responds, "It rings a bell but I'm not sure if it's here or not.

drjd · 05-29-2021, 05:29 AM

After a long time, I told my hot coworker how I felt.
She felt the same way.
So I turned on the air conditioner.

DNSB · 05-29-2021, 09:39 PM

Have faith in the Pfizer vaccine.

Don't forget that they also make Viagra

If they can raise the dead... They can protect the living.

drjd · 05-31-2021, 05:22 AM

Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."

Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"

timebug · 06-01-2021, 03:48 AM

I played triangle in a reggae band once. I used to sit next to the drummer and 'ting......

drjd · 06-01-2021, 05:20 AM

A group of bats, hanging at the ceiling of a cave, discovers a single bat standing upright underneath on the floor of the cave.

Surprised by this unusual behavior, they ask this fellow: "What the heck are you doing down there?"

And the fellow shouts back: "Yoga!"

drjd · 06-04-2021, 06:09 AM

I went to see my doctor this morning. “Some one decided to graffiti my house last night!” I raged.

“So why are you telling me?” the doctor asked.

“I can't understand the writing,” I replied. “Was it you?”

drjd · 06-05-2021, 06:32 AM

What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and Ships.

drjd · 06-06-2021, 05:38 AM

The detective easily found the incriminating evidence in the bakery robbery case.
It was a piece of cake.

drjd · 06-07-2021, 04:27 AM

Did you hear about the new garlic diet?

You don't actually lose weight, but you look thinner from a distance.

drjd · 06-08-2021, 05:31 AM

I do not trip over things...
I just perform random gravity checks!

drjd · 06-11-2021, 05:13 AM

How do you keep a blonde in the shower all day?

Give her a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."

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05-27-2021, 10:05 PM	#11432
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,978 Karma: 169810634 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, 'Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?' 'The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.' 'What that tell you?' asked Tonto. The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, 'Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?' 'You dumber than buffalo crap. It means someone stole the tent'

05-28-2021, 05:11 AM	#11433
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Our computers went down at work today, so we had to do everything manually... It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards for solitaire.

05-28-2021, 11:52 AM	#11434
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,978 Karma: 169810634 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	A man walks up to a librarian and asks, "Do you have any books on Pavlov's dogs and Schrödinger's cat?" The librarian responds, "It rings a bell but I'm not sure if it's here or not.

05-29-2021, 05:29 AM	#11435
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	After a long time, I told my hot coworker how I felt. She felt the same way. So I turned on the air conditioner.

05-29-2021, 09:39 PM	#11436
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,978 Karma: 169810634 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Have faith in the Pfizer vaccine. Don't forget that they also make Viagra If they can raise the dead... They can protect the living.

05-31-2021, 05:22 AM	#11437
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day." Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"

06-01-2021, 03:48 AM	#11438
timebug Ancient Sage Posts: 14,585 Karma: 15493448 Join Date: Oct 2015 Location: Derby U.K. Device: Kobo Reader	I played triangle in a reggae band once. I used to sit next to the drummer and 'ting......

06-01-2021, 05:20 AM	#11439
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A group of bats, hanging at the ceiling of a cave, discovers a single bat standing upright underneath on the floor of the cave. Surprised by this unusual behavior, they ask this fellow: "What the heck are you doing down there?" And the fellow shouts back: "Yoga!"

06-04-2021, 06:09 AM	#11440
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	I went to see my doctor this morning. “Some one decided to graffiti my house last night!” I raged. “So why are you telling me?” the doctor asked. “I can't understand the writing,” I replied. “Was it you?”

06-05-2021, 06:32 AM	#11441
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	What do sea monsters eat? Fish and Ships.

06-06-2021, 05:38 AM	#11442
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	The detective easily found the incriminating evidence in the bakery robbery case. It was a piece of cake.

06-07-2021, 04:27 AM	#11443
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Did you hear about the new garlic diet? You don't actually lose weight, but you look thinner from a distance.

06-08-2021, 05:31 AM	#11444
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	I do not trip over things... I just perform random gravity checks!

06-11-2021, 05:13 AM	#11445
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	How do you keep a blonde in the shower all day? Give her a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."