MobileRead's Win an iPad - E-Reader Survey - Page 76

AnemicOak · 07-12-2010, 10:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Davimee

I will defend those precious little chickens! Stand back, I've got a spork, and I know how to use it!

Looks like Kenny's got his ready

poohbear_nc · 07-13-2010, 10:19 AM

HIGH NOON

BACK IN THE SADDLE AGAIN

[TITLE SHAMELESSLY STOLEN FROM VINTAGE SEASON]
[THE REAL VINTAGE SEASON, NOT HIS ALTER EGO IN THE DESERT]

dsvdave shifted uncomfortably in his saddle, lifted his hat and tried to wipe the sweat from his brow. His right arm fell off into the dust. OMK 3rd promptly recovered the errant appendage and deftly reattached it to his lop-sided leader.

dsvdave cleared his throat, making OMK 3rd jump, and tried to explain. "Well, you see, it was like this, more or less, kind of .... you know - a career move."

This conversational sally was met with blank stares all round. Another arm fell off and was reattached in the ensuing silence.

He continued, "We are real Texas Rangers. Really. But we were SO good we ran out of bad guys to chase and had to take a side job to make ends meet."
"More or less."

The sniggering that followed was painful to hear, especially since most of the people laughing were dsvdave's own troop. LadyBlueEye nearly fell off her horse, she was shrieking with mirth! The Chicken Ranch folk just looked mildly puzzled at this display. dsvdave glared at his troops, who gradually choked off their guffaws.

"Listen folks," explained OddMan-the-terrible, swinging his metallic leg like a pendulum, "We were all casualties, physical and mental, that ran out of disability benefits after our last campaign against the Oz-Indians. We were all sidelined as the Rangers' 'Special Squad' and given cross-walk duty. Only there weren't any cross-walks in this county."

"We got the picture then," continued Neilmarry, tugging his kilt primly over his knees, "and decided we could do better as an independent contract delivery service, since we knew the byways of the desert so well."

"So then," repeated KennyC(hicken) "you're the pizza delivery service, not the rangers we called to rescue the iPad?" His two daughters fiercely nudged him in the ribs and whispered in both ears. "Oh yeah, and rescue Alex too?"

The rangers traded glances and went into a huddle to consider the offer. While the confab went on, the chickens and Davimeet-ya began shrieking inside the barricaded chicken barn! Unnoticed by all, LetsChaseFeathers and SparrowHawk had wafted over to the barn and were trying to squeeze through a window left open for ventilation. dsvdave ordered OMK 3rd to order the erring comrades to cease and desist in their high-flying hi-jinks and return to the squad.

After some semblance of order was restored, the robotic rangers decided to sleep on the offer before deciding if they were ready to ride again against their arch-nemesis Oz-Indians. OMK 3rd was heard to mutter "Yeah, we'll get that dang-blamed iPad all right. But rescuing Alex will cost extra! Remember how mean that SS broad was? She tore both your arms off last time dsvdave!" The rangers crawled into their bedrolls with this graphic image haunting their dreams.

The Chicken Ranch folk also began to drift towards bed as well, Rebar-toting-Mom making sure her little darlings made it into their own beds! No hanky-panky was ever allowed to occur on her watch!

But there was one forlorn figure left awake on the ranch. GeoffC(hicken) had been left with the bill for the pizzas (and one diet Coke), and there was no money left in the safe. He sat into the night, staring at his beloved piggy-bank, cradling a hammer in his hands, tears streaming down his face. They had been together a long time, shared so many memories of good times and bad. But now it was time to end the relationship. "Breaking up is hard to do." Literally.

Meanwhile, back at the Oz-Indian camp, things were quieting down for the night. The purloined purveyor of gastric delights, beppe le cookque, had served a magnificent banquet of spam tetrazzini liberally laced with ZCD's he had found in a jar hidden in the back of the pantry, labeled "For Emergency Use Only! Open At Your Own Risk!" As he shook them into the sauce, he muttered "This situation certainly seems to qualify as an emergency to me!"
One by one, the Ozians sank to the floor in slow motion, like little Gummi-Indians left out in a hot sun. Snoring and muttering, with occasional raucous ABBA medleys, soon filled the quiescent camp.

Beppe loaded a familiar-shaped tray with a bowl of non-ZCD tetrazzini and went to the prisoner's teepee.

[Gentle reader -- remember Alex? The cause of this entire mess? The reason so many MR-Rock residents are in danger? The heartless kidnapper of the defenseless iPad? The reason you've spent so many joyous hours perusing this saga? Right! That Alex!]

Alex was still huddled in the corner of the tee-pee clad in the despised kitty jim-jams, wondering aloud how things had gotten so bad so quickly. His fingers were unconsciously and continuously tapping on a non-existent surface, as he muttered paeans to St. Jobs and his miraculous tablet. He knew that he had reached the end of the line, the end of his rope, the end of everything he cherished. Did anyone outside the Injun camp wonder, or even care, where he was? If he was alive?

His head rose fractionally as he heard a voice lustily singing "La donna è mobile" approaching his tent. Beppe le cookque parted the flaps and entered, carrying a bowl of food on a shiny tray. Winking broadly, he whisked the napkin from the bowl, revealing ....... Alex's heart stopped, rose in his throat, and tried to strangle him! It was his long-lost beloved iPad! Beppe had removed it from the Queen's tent and smuggled it back to Alex! Life was complete again! Even the hideous kitty jim-jams no longer rankled. Beppe discreetly withdrew, leaving Alex in private for his tearful reunion.

Alex fell to the floor, convulsively clutching the iPad to his heart. As his ear was pressed to the dirt, he heard hoofbeats stealthily approaching his tent. "Psst, Alex, it's me -- earth-colored Mare. I snuck away from the Chicken Ranch and came to rescue you. You do still have the iPad, don't you?"

Alex could scarce believe his ears! "Yes, yes, yes! I have the iPad! Get me out of here please! Anywhere is better than here!"

"Stand back," ordered Mare, and deftly slice open the tee-pee with her dainty hoof. Alex vaulted aboard, only stopping to show the iPad to Mare, before she took off into the night, leaving hoofmarks that gently glowed in the moonlight.

Oh, Gentle Reader, is the cycle starting all over again? The flight and pursuit of the iPad again? The endless worry and speculation as to Alex's whereabouts? The ceaseless wonder over the ownership of the iPad?

NO!

thundered the Blue Djinn Javed of Willoughby!
[Thought I forgot him didn't you?]

This must not be!

ALL THINGS MUST BE PUT RIGHT!

The Blue Djinn floated gently above the moon-lit landscape, surveying the disparate parties in their respective plights and pondered .... How to restore the peace and happiness and joy so tragically thrown to the winds. This would take some thought ......

(To Be Continued .....)
(Can all be mended?)
(Is pilotbob dead?)
(Will recluse continue rocking his kitten into the night?)
(Where is Alex headed?)

Stay tuned!

dsvick · 07-13-2010, 10:20 AM

Ignore this post - see below...

dsvick · 07-13-2010, 10:32 AM

Ignore the previous post, If I'd only waited a minute....

Here is another version complete up to the installment posted just minutes ago....

still waiting on a map though... and any comments or suggestions will be accepted...

kindlekitten · 07-13-2010, 10:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dsvick

Ignore the previous post, If I'd only waited a minute....

Here is another version complete up to the installment posted just minutes ago....

still waiting on a map though... and any comments or suggestions will be accepted...

it ain't so without pictures!

poohbear_nc · 07-13-2010, 10:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dsvick

Ignore the previous post, If I'd only waited a minute....

Here is another version complete up to the installment posted just minutes ago....

still waiting on a map though... and any comments or suggestions will be accepted...

Sorry dave - didn't mean to "scoop" you! I'll PM Brattzo and see if he's interested in doing a map or illustrations.

recluse · 07-13-2010, 11:29 AM

Is recluse still up a tree ringing a kitten?
How does the kitten feel about this?
Has Pooh ever been hit in the face with an angry nauseous kitten, claws first?

Vintage Season · 07-13-2010, 11:29 AM

Pooh, you do realize that you probably have more followers than any other author on MobileRead, don't you?

- M.

poohbear_nc · 07-13-2010, 11:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vintage Season

Pooh, you do realize that you probably have more followers than any other author on MobileRead, don't you?

- M.

I don't know how it happened! Honest Injun!

DaleDe · 07-13-2010, 11:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by poohbear_nc

I don't know how it happened! Honest Injun!

What, no autographed copies?

recluse · 07-13-2010, 11:45 AM

Welcome to cult status, Pooh.
Come on, everybody!
Raise your Koolade in a toast to Pooh!

dsvick · 07-13-2010, 11:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kindlekitten

it ain't so without pictures!

And I'd so very much like to see pictures of some of the things described!!! You should send me some

AnemicOak · 07-13-2010, 11:48 AM

To Pooh!

poohbear_nc · 07-13-2010, 12:08 PM

Thank you everyone! I'm not sure I'm ready for prime time yet! I'm not sure I'm even an author yet! Who'da thunk?

rebarnmom · 07-13-2010, 02:34 PM

If we say you are an author poohbear, then YOU ARE AN AUTHOR and a darn good one at that!

You better be practicing your electronic signature! I'm expecting to see your best handwriting. You don't want to make me pull out my rebar! Wait! DesertGrandma is the one who does the whacking upside the head around here! Where is she anyway?

Have you noticed the thread count for this here contest? You've set the (re)bar pretty high for all contests to come!

07-13-2010, 10:19 AM	#1127
poohbear_nc Bah! Humbug! Posts: 63,489 Karma: 135239851 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Durham, NC Device: Every Kindle Ever Made & To Be Made!	HIGH NOON BACK IN THE SADDLE AGAIN [TITLE SHAMELESSLY STOLEN FROM VINTAGE SEASON] [THE REAL VINTAGE SEASON, NOT HIS ALTER EGO IN THE DESERT] dsvdave shifted uncomfortably in his saddle, lifted his hat and tried to wipe the sweat from his brow. His right arm fell off into the dust. OMK 3rd promptly recovered the errant appendage and deftly reattached it to his lop-sided leader. dsvdave cleared his throat, making OMK 3rd jump, and tried to explain. "Well, you see, it was like this, more or less, kind of .... you know - a career move." This conversational sally was met with blank stares all round. Another arm fell off and was reattached in the ensuing silence. He continued, "We are real Texas Rangers. Really. But we were SO good we ran out of bad guys to chase and had to take a side job to make ends meet." "More or less." The sniggering that followed was painful to hear, especially since most of the people laughing were dsvdave's own troop. LadyBlueEye nearly fell off her horse, she was shrieking with mirth! The Chicken Ranch folk just looked mildly puzzled at this display. dsvdave glared at his troops, who gradually choked off their guffaws. "Listen folks," explained OddMan-the-terrible, swinging his metallic leg like a pendulum, "We were all casualties, physical and mental, that ran out of disability benefits after our last campaign against the Oz-Indians. We were all sidelined as the Rangers' 'Special Squad' and given cross-walk duty. Only there weren't any cross-walks in this county." "We got the picture then," continued Neilmarry, tugging his kilt primly over his knees, "and decided we could do better as an independent contract delivery service, since we knew the byways of the desert so well." "So then," repeated KennyC(hicken) "you're the pizza delivery service, not the rangers we called to rescue the iPad?" His two daughters fiercely nudged him in the ribs and whispered in both ears. "Oh yeah, and rescue Alex too?" The rangers traded glances and went into a huddle to consider the offer. While the confab went on, the chickens and Davimeet-ya began shrieking inside the barricaded chicken barn! Unnoticed by all, LetsChaseFeathers and SparrowHawk had wafted over to the barn and were trying to squeeze through a window left open for ventilation. dsvdave ordered OMK 3rd to order the erring comrades to cease and desist in their high-flying hi-jinks and return to the squad. After some semblance of order was restored, the robotic rangers decided to sleep on the offer before deciding if they were ready to ride again against their arch-nemesis Oz-Indians. OMK 3rd was heard to mutter "Yeah, we'll get that dang-blamed iPad all right. But rescuing Alex will cost extra! Remember how mean that SS broad was? She tore both your arms off last time dsvdave!" The rangers crawled into their bedrolls with this graphic image haunting their dreams. The Chicken Ranch folk also began to drift towards bed as well, Rebar-toting-Mom making sure her little darlings made it into their own beds! No hanky-panky was ever allowed to occur on her watch! But there was one forlorn figure left awake on the ranch. GeoffC(hicken) had been left with the bill for the pizzas (and one diet Coke), and there was no money left in the safe. He sat into the night, staring at his beloved piggy-bank, cradling a hammer in his hands, tears streaming down his face. They had been together a long time, shared so many memories of good times and bad. But now it was time to end the relationship. "Breaking up is hard to do." Literally. Meanwhile, back at the Oz-Indian camp, things were quieting down for the night. The purloined purveyor of gastric delights, beppe le cookque, had served a magnificent banquet of spam tetrazzini liberally laced with ZCD's he had found in a jar hidden in the back of the pantry, labeled "For Emergency Use Only! Open At Your Own Risk!" As he shook them into the sauce, he muttered "This situation certainly seems to qualify as an emergency to me!" One by one, the Ozians sank to the floor in slow motion, like little Gummi-Indians left out in a hot sun. Snoring and muttering, with occasional raucous ABBA medleys, soon filled the quiescent camp. Beppe loaded a familiar-shaped tray with a bowl of non-ZCD tetrazzini and went to the prisoner's teepee. [Gentle reader -- remember Alex? The cause of this entire mess? The reason so many MR-Rock residents are in danger? The heartless kidnapper of the defenseless iPad? The reason you've spent so many joyous hours perusing this saga? Right! That Alex!] Alex was still huddled in the corner of the tee-pee clad in the despised kitty jim-jams, wondering aloud how things had gotten so bad so quickly. His fingers were unconsciously and continuously tapping on a non-existent surface, as he muttered paeans to St. Jobs and his miraculous tablet. He knew that he had reached the end of the line, the end of his rope, the end of everything he cherished. Did anyone outside the Injun camp wonder, or even care, where he was? If he was alive? His head rose fractionally as he heard a voice lustily singing "La donna è mobile" approaching his tent. Beppe le cookque parted the flaps and entered, carrying a bowl of food on a shiny tray. Winking broadly, he whisked the napkin from the bowl, revealing ....... Alex's heart stopped, rose in his throat, and tried to strangle him! It was his long-lost beloved iPad! Beppe had removed it from the Queen's tent and smuggled it back to Alex! Life was complete again! Even the hideous kitty jim-jams no longer rankled. Beppe discreetly withdrew, leaving Alex in private for his tearful reunion. Alex fell to the floor, convulsively clutching the iPad to his heart. As his ear was pressed to the dirt, he heard hoofbeats stealthily approaching his tent. "Psst, Alex, it's me -- earth-colored Mare. I snuck away from the Chicken Ranch and came to rescue you. You do still have the iPad, don't you?" Alex could scarce believe his ears! "Yes, yes, yes! I have the iPad! Get me out of here please! Anywhere is better than here!" "Stand back," ordered Mare, and deftly slice open the tee-pee with her dainty hoof. Alex vaulted aboard, only stopping to show the iPad to Mare, before she took off into the night, leaving hoofmarks that gently glowed in the moonlight. Oh, Gentle Reader, is the cycle starting all over again? The flight and pursuit of the iPad again? The endless worry and speculation as to Alex's whereabouts? The ceaseless wonder over the ownership of the iPad? NO! thundered the Blue Djinn Javed of Willoughby! [Thought I forgot him didn't you?] This must not be! ALL THINGS MUST BE PUT RIGHT! The Blue Djinn floated gently above the moon-lit landscape, surveying the disparate parties in their respective plights and pondered .... How to restore the peace and happiness and joy so tragically thrown to the winds. This would take some thought ...... (To Be Continued .....) (Can all be mended?) (Is pilotbob dead?) (Will recluse continue rocking his kitten into the night?) (Where is Alex headed?) Stay tuned! Last edited by poohbear_nc; 07-13-2010 at 10:27 AM.

07-13-2010, 11:45 AM	#1136
recluse Banned Posts: 3,724 Karma: 535488 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: the Mortuary Device: Kindle 2	Welcome to cult status, Pooh. Come on, everybody! Raise your Koolade in a toast to Pooh! Last edited by recluse; 07-13-2010 at 11:48 AM.

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07-13-2010, 11:29 AM	#1132
recluse Banned Posts: 3,724 Karma: 535488 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: the Mortuary Device: Kindle 2	Is recluse still up a tree ringing a kitten? How does the kitten feel about this? Has Pooh ever been hit in the face with an angry nauseous kitten, claws first?

07-13-2010, 11:29 AM	#1133
Vintage Season Pulps and dime novels... Posts: 343 Karma: 1952003 Join Date: Jan 2009 Device: Kobo Aura/Kobo Aura One LE/iPad Air	Pooh, you do realize that you probably have more followers than any other author on MobileRead, don't you? - M.

07-13-2010, 11:48 AM	#1138
AnemicOak Bookaholic Posts: 14,391 Karma: 54969924 Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Minnesota Device: iPad Mini 4, AuraHD, iPhone XR +	To Pooh!

07-13-2010, 12:08 PM	#1139
poohbear_nc Bah! Humbug! Posts: 63,489 Karma: 135239851 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Durham, NC Device: Every Kindle Ever Made & To Be Made!	Thank you everyone! I'm not sure I'm ready for prime time yet! I'm not sure I'm even an author yet! Who'da thunk?

07-13-2010, 02:34 PM	#1140
rebarnmom Wizard Posts: 1,289 Karma: 4525055 Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: rural Illinois, USA Device: Sony PRS-700 (traded in), Sony PRS-650	If we say you are an author poohbear, then YOU ARE AN AUTHOR and a darn good one at that! You better be practicing your electronic signature! I'm expecting to see your best handwriting. You don't want to make me pull out my rebar! Wait! DesertGrandma is the one who does the whacking upside the head around here! Where is she anyway? Have you noticed the thread count for this here contest? You've set the (re)bar pretty high for all contests to come!

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