Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 746

PoP · 10-28-2020, 06:48 AM

A red hair, a brown hair, and a blond girl meet in a room.

On a wall rest the Mirror of Truth.

If someone lies in front of this mirror he is instantely aspirated into nothingness.

The red hair girl looking at the mirror "I think I am the most beautiful red hair girl."

KAPOOF! She is aspirated and vanishes into nothingness.

Then comes the brown hair girl "I think I am the most beautiful brown hair girl."

KAPOOF! She is aspirated and disappear into the void.

Then the blond girl "I think..." KAPOOF!!

drjd · 10-31-2020, 06:01 AM

A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.

Freeshadow · 10-31-2020, 03:40 PM

What do influencers want to be when they grow up?

Spoiler:

drjd · 11-03-2020, 04:41 AM

I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I so bad with women?"

She said, "I'm Alexa you moron."

drjd · 11-04-2020, 10:22 AM

What do you say to a Potato on its birthday?

Hoppy Birthday.

drjd · 11-05-2020, 04:24 AM

Statistics show that those who have the most birthdays, live the longest.

drjd · 11-06-2020, 05:04 AM

So I was in the chemist lab and I said to the assistant, “What gets rid of germs?”

She said, "Ammonia cleaner."

I said, "Oh sorry, I thought you worked here...”

drjd · 11-07-2020, 05:04 AM

If a woman says she'll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be...

There's no need to remind her every half hour.

badgoodDeb · 11-07-2020, 02:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

If a woman says she'll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be...

There's no need to remind her every half hour.

If a man says he will do a chore, he will do it.

There's no need to remind him every week for months.

drjd · 11-08-2020, 05:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by badgoodDeb

If a man says he will do a chore, he will do it.

There's no need to remind him every week for months.

drjd · 11-08-2020, 05:11 AM

A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but didn't want to spend a lot of money. "How much do they cost?" he asked the salesman.

"Anything from $2 to $2,000."

"Can I see the $2 model?" said the customer.

The salesman put the device around the man's neck, and said: "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down into your pocket."

"How does it work?" asked the customer.

"For $2, it doesn't work," said the salesman. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder."

drjd · 11-10-2020, 04:33 AM

If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet?

drjd · 11-12-2020, 04:31 AM

As soon as the dentist asked the patient to sit down, he pulled out his wallet. Seeing this the dentist said, "Please don't, you don't need to pay me now."

The patient answered: "Pay you! I just want to count my money before I'm unconscious!"

drjd · 11-13-2020, 05:41 AM

A Union President was sitting at his son's bedside getting ready to read him a bedtime story.

He starts out, "Once upon a time and a half..."

drjd · 11-14-2020, 04:38 AM

It takes two tries to get up from the couch. So my idea of weight lifting is standing up.

10-31-2020, 03:40 PM	#11178
Freeshadow temp. out of service Posts: 2,815 Karma: 24285242 Join Date: May 2010 Location: Duisburg (DE) Device: PB 623	What do influencers want to be when they grow up? Spoiler: Pestilencers.

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10-28-2020, 06:48 AM	#11176
PoP curly᷂͓̫̙᷊̥̮̾ͯͤͭͬͦͨ ʎʌɹnɔ Posts: 3,018 Karma: 50506927 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: ♁ ᴺ₄₅°₃₀' ᵂ₇₃°₃₇' ±₆₀" Device: K3₃.₄.₃ PW3&4₅.₁₃.₃	A red hair, a brown hair, and a blond girl meet in a room. On a wall rest the Mirror of Truth. If someone lies in front of this mirror he is instantely aspirated into nothingness. The red hair girl looking at the mirror "I think I am the most beautiful red hair girl." KAPOOF! She is aspirated and vanishes into nothingness. Then comes the brown hair girl "I think I am the most beautiful brown hair girl." KAPOOF! She is aspirated and disappear into the void. Then the blond girl "I think..." KAPOOF!!

10-31-2020, 06:01 AM	#11177
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.

11-03-2020, 04:41 AM	#11179
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I so bad with women?" She said, "I'm Alexa you moron."

11-04-2020, 10:22 AM	#11180
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	What do you say to a Potato on its birthday? Hoppy Birthday.

11-05-2020, 04:24 AM	#11181
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Statistics show that those who have the most birthdays, live the longest.

11-06-2020, 05:04 AM	#11182
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	So I was in the chemist lab and I said to the assistant, “What gets rid of germs?” She said, "Ammonia cleaner." I said, "Oh sorry, I thought you worked here...”

11-07-2020, 05:04 AM	#11183
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	If a woman says she'll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be... There's no need to remind her every half hour.

11-08-2020, 05:11 AM	#11186
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but didn't want to spend a lot of money. "How much do they cost?" he asked the salesman. "Anything from $2 to $2,000." "Can I see the $2 model?" said the customer. The salesman put the device around the man's neck, and said: "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down into your pocket." "How does it work?" asked the customer. "For $2, it doesn't work," said the salesman. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder."

11-10-2020, 04:33 AM	#11187
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet?

11-12-2020, 04:31 AM	#11188
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	As soon as the dentist asked the patient to sit down, he pulled out his wallet. Seeing this the dentist said, "Please don't, you don't need to pay me now." The patient answered: "Pay you! I just want to count my money before I'm unconscious!"

11-13-2020, 05:41 AM	#11189
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A Union President was sitting at his son's bedside getting ready to read him a bedtime story. He starts out, "Once upon a time and a half..."

11-14-2020, 04:38 AM	#11190
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	It takes two tries to get up from the couch. So my idea of weight lifting is standing up.