Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 714

drjd · 11-23-2019, 02:46 PM

What is the American national day for vampires?

Fangsgiving day!

BookCat · 11-23-2019, 09:12 PM

After Fangsgiving all they'd want for Christmas would be their two front teeth!

(You have to be as old as those vampires to get this.)

crich70 · 11-23-2019, 10:50 PM

Earlier this fall I attended a craft show at my local library. The craft was turning old t-shirts (the type with pictures on them) into tote bags. One lady brought some Father Campion shirts (he started Campion's Champions many yrs ago for the handicapped in my area). She said that she decided to use them for the tote project because "no one wears them anymore." The punch line is that I happened to be wearing a "Campion's Champion's" t-shirt at the time. lol.

drjd · 11-24-2019, 12:30 PM

Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.

yvanleterrible · 11-25-2019, 09:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BookCat

After Fangsgiving all they'd want for Christmas would be their two front teeth!

(You have to be as old as those vampires to get this.)

Yeah! Two fwont teef...

drjd · 11-25-2019, 11:39 AM

Did you hear about the vampire who only had one fang?
He just had to grin and bare it.

cromag · 11-26-2019, 07:51 PM

A woman was in a supermarket trying to find a frozen turkey big enough to feed her extended family for Thanksgiving. None of the turkeys in the freezer display were big enough.

She found a clerk and asked him, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

"No, ma'am," he said. "They're dead."

BookCat · 11-26-2019, 11:45 PM

Two vampires at a train station saying a final farewell. One turns to the other and sadly says, "fangs for the memories."

drjd · 11-27-2019, 02:47 PM

I've slept with my hands covering my neck to ward off vampires since I was a child and you know what?

It works.

Bookpossum · 11-27-2019, 03:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

I've slept with my hands covering my neck to ward off vampires since I was a child and you know what?

It works.

who would have thought? Luckily for us, Australian vampires are extinct.

PoP · 11-27-2019, 06:11 PM

At the return from summer vacations a french class teacher asks his pupils to relate an experience they had but in rhymes...

- So what about you James?

- Well, "Je suis allé à la pêche aux écrevisses et j'avais de l'eau jusqu'aux cuisses"

- Excellent, and you John?

- Well, "je suis allé à la pêche aux grenouilles et j'avais de l'eau jusqu'aux genoux"

- But that doesn't rhyme at all!?

- I'm sorry, the water wasn't high enough.

BookCat · 11-27-2019, 08:51 PM

How do elephants hide in custard?

By painting their feet yellow and floating upside down.

Have you ever seen an elephant in custard?

Shows how well it works.

(I know masses of elephant jokes, but they're all old ones.)

pdurrant · 11-28-2019, 05:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BookCat

How do elephants hide in custard?

By painting their feet yellow and floating upside down.

Have you ever seen an elephant in custard?

Shows how well it works.

(I know masses of elephant jokes, but they're all old ones.)

I posted some back in 2011. Someone else posted that one.

Let's see. I don't think we've had this one:

Why won't elephants use a computer?

Spoiler:

Adoby · 11-28-2019, 07:15 AM

The early bird gets the worm.

But the second mouse gets the cheese.

doubleshuffle · 11-28-2019, 07:37 AM

Oh, mice and cheese. And it wasn't me...

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11-23-2019, 02:46 PM	#10696
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	What is the American national day for vampires? Fangsgiving day!

11-23-2019, 09:12 PM	#10697
BookCat C L J Posts: 2,911 Karma: 21115458 Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Birmingham UK Device: Sony e-reader 505, Kindle PW2, Kindle PW3, Kobo Libra2	After Fangsgiving all they'd want for Christmas would be their two front teeth! (You have to be as old as those vampires to get this.)

11-23-2019, 10:50 PM	#10698
crich70 Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,310 Karma: 43993832 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Monroe Wisconsin Device: K3, Kindle Paperwhite, Calibre, and Mobipocket for Pc (netbook)	Earlier this fall I attended a craft show at my local library. The craft was turning old t-shirts (the type with pictures on them) into tote bags. One lady brought some Father Campion shirts (he started Campion's Champions many yrs ago for the handicapped in my area). She said that she decided to use them for the tote project because "no one wears them anymore." The punch line is that I happened to be wearing a "Campion's Champion's" t-shirt at the time. lol.

11-24-2019, 12:30 PM	#10699
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.

11-25-2019, 11:39 AM	#10701
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Did you hear about the vampire who only had one fang? He just had to grin and bare it.

11-26-2019, 07:51 PM	#10702
cromag Surfin the alpha waves ~~ Posts: 26,546 Karma: 459765791 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: New Jersey Device: Jetbook Lite & Mini, Nook STR, Kobo, Hanvon N516, Kindle 2, Androids	A woman was in a supermarket trying to find a frozen turkey big enough to feed her extended family for Thanksgiving. None of the turkeys in the freezer display were big enough. She found a clerk and asked him, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" "No, ma'am," he said. "They're dead."

11-26-2019, 11:45 PM	#10703
BookCat C L J Posts: 2,911 Karma: 21115458 Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Birmingham UK Device: Sony e-reader 505, Kindle PW2, Kindle PW3, Kobo Libra2	Two vampires at a train station saying a final farewell. One turns to the other and sadly says, "fangs for the memories."

11-27-2019, 02:47 PM	#10704
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	I've slept with my hands covering my neck to ward off vampires since I was a child and you know what? It works.

11-27-2019, 06:11 PM	#10706
PoP curly᷂͓̫̙᷊̥̮̾ͯͤͭͬͦͨ ʎʌɹnɔ Posts: 3,018 Karma: 50506927 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: ♁ ᴺ₄₅°₃₀' ᵂ₇₃°₃₇' ±₆₀" Device: K3₃.₄.₃ PW3&4₅.₁₃.₃	At the return from summer vacations a french class teacher asks his pupils to relate an experience they had but in rhymes... - So what about you James? - Well, "Je suis allé à la pêche aux écrevisses et j'avais de l'eau jusqu'aux cuisses" - Excellent, and you John? - Well, "je suis allé à la pêche aux grenouilles et j'avais de l'eau jusqu'aux genoux" - But that doesn't rhyme at all!? - I'm sorry, the water wasn't high enough.

11-27-2019, 08:51 PM	#10707
BookCat C L J Posts: 2,911 Karma: 21115458 Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Birmingham UK Device: Sony e-reader 505, Kindle PW2, Kindle PW3, Kobo Libra2	How do elephants hide in custard? By painting their feet yellow and floating upside down. Have you ever seen an elephant in custard? Shows how well it works. (I know masses of elephant jokes, but they're all old ones.)

11-28-2019, 07:15 AM	#10709
Adoby Handy Elephant Posts: 1,737 Karma: 26785684 Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Southern Sweden, far out in the quiet woods Device: Samsung Galaxy Tab S8 Ultra	The early bird gets the worm. But the second mouse gets the cheese.

11-28-2019, 07:37 AM	#10710
doubleshuffle Unicycle Daredevil Posts: 13,944 Karma: 185432100 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Planet of the Pudding Brains Device: Aura HD (R.I.P. After six years the USB socket died.) tolino shine 3	Oh, mice and cheese. And it wasn't me...