Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 712

doubleshuffle · 11-08-2019, 01:13 AM

^ Thanks.

Can you offer advice about my wife? She always brings home white toy bears. Does she have buy polar disorder?

drjd · 11-08-2019, 04:52 AM

The husband says to his wife, "You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?"

She says, "When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears."

He smirks and replies, "You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?"

She calmly replies, "Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, 'What other problem can there be greater than this one?'"

drjd · 11-10-2019, 02:59 PM

The only time the world beats a path to your door...

Is when you're in the bathroom!

doubleshuffle · 11-11-2019, 01:16 AM

I think we're in for a bad spell of wether.

drjd · 11-11-2019, 01:43 PM

A kid asks his dad, "What's a man?"

The dad says, "A man is someone who is responsible and cares for their family."

The kid says, "I hope one day I can be a man just like mom!"

yvanleterrible · 11-11-2019, 08:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

A kid asks his dad, "What's a man?"

The dad says, "A man is someone who is responsible and cares for their family."

The kid says, "I hope one day I can be a man just like mom!"

Our being here all the time is a good argument for that kid...

doubleshuffle · 11-12-2019, 01:33 AM

How much are those broomsticks? -- A Quidditch.

drjd · 11-12-2019, 01:53 PM

I painted half of my face like a clown today and went for a drive. I'm not sure everyone saw the funny side.

yvanleterrible · 11-13-2019, 08:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

I painted half of my face like a clown today and went for a drive. I'm not sure everyone saw the funny side.

A Marvel of a Joker disguise probably?

drjd · 11-13-2019, 02:43 PM

When the famous napper died his tombstone read R.I.P. Van Winkle.

doubleshuffle · 11-15-2019, 12:52 AM

Why does Harry Potter always confuse his cooking pot and his best friend? They're both cauldron.

drjd · 11-15-2019, 02:07 PM

Richard a village doctor was awakened at 4 a.m. to make a house call. He reluctantly got dressed and braved a snowstorm.

After the examination, he told the patient to send immediately for his lawyer and relatives and friends and make a will.

When he got home and told his wife asked of what he had seen and done.

His wife asked, "Was the patient really that bad?"

Richard said, "No, I just didn't want to be the only idiot called out on a night like this."

Adoby · 11-15-2019, 06:28 PM

The farmer had 38 sheep out grazing. After rounding them up he had 40.

badgoodDeb · 11-15-2019, 07:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Adoby

The farmer had 38 sheep out grazing. After rounding them up he had 40.

Groan!!

BookCat · 11-16-2019, 12:49 PM

I was walking through town with a friend yesterday on the way home from a family event. The person in front of us appeared to be talking to themselves. I said to my friend, "mobile phones have made wonderful excuses for crazy people!"

I guess you just had to be there.

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11-08-2019, 01:13 AM	#10666
doubleshuffle Unicycle Daredevil Posts: 13,944 Karma: 185432100 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Planet of the Pudding Brains Device: Aura HD (R.I.P. After six years the USB socket died.) tolino shine 3	^ Thanks. Can you offer advice about my wife? She always brings home white toy bears. Does she have buy polar disorder?

11-08-2019, 04:52 AM	#10667
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	The husband says to his wife, "You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?" She says, "When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears." He smirks and replies, "You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?" She calmly replies, "Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, 'What other problem can there be greater than this one?'"

11-10-2019, 02:59 PM	#10668
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	The only time the world beats a path to your door... Is when you're in the bathroom!

11-11-2019, 01:16 AM	#10669
doubleshuffle Unicycle Daredevil Posts: 13,944 Karma: 185432100 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Planet of the Pudding Brains Device: Aura HD (R.I.P. After six years the USB socket died.) tolino shine 3	I think we're in for a bad spell of wether.

11-11-2019, 01:43 PM	#10670
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A kid asks his dad, "What's a man?" The dad says, "A man is someone who is responsible and cares for their family." The kid says, "I hope one day I can be a man just like mom!"

11-12-2019, 01:33 AM	#10672
doubleshuffle Unicycle Daredevil Posts: 13,944 Karma: 185432100 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Planet of the Pudding Brains Device: Aura HD (R.I.P. After six years the USB socket died.) tolino shine 3	How much are those broomsticks? -- A Quidditch.

11-12-2019, 01:53 PM	#10673
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	I painted half of my face like a clown today and went for a drive. I'm not sure everyone saw the funny side.

11-13-2019, 02:43 PM	#10675
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	When the famous napper died his tombstone read R.I.P. Van Winkle.

11-15-2019, 12:52 AM	#10676
doubleshuffle Unicycle Daredevil Posts: 13,944 Karma: 185432100 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Planet of the Pudding Brains Device: Aura HD (R.I.P. After six years the USB socket died.) tolino shine 3	Why does Harry Potter always confuse his cooking pot and his best friend? They're both cauldron.

11-15-2019, 02:07 PM	#10677
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Richard a village doctor was awakened at 4 a.m. to make a house call. He reluctantly got dressed and braved a snowstorm. After the examination, he told the patient to send immediately for his lawyer and relatives and friends and make a will. When he got home and told his wife asked of what he had seen and done. His wife asked, "Was the patient really that bad?" Richard said, "No, I just didn't want to be the only idiot called out on a night like this."

11-15-2019, 06:28 PM	#10678
Adoby Handy Elephant Posts: 1,737 Karma: 26785684 Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Southern Sweden, far out in the quiet woods Device: Samsung Galaxy Tab S8 Ultra	The farmer had 38 sheep out grazing. After rounding them up he had 40.

11-16-2019, 12:49 PM	#10680
BookCat C L J Posts: 2,911 Karma: 21115458 Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Birmingham UK Device: Sony e-reader 505, Kindle PW2, Kindle PW3, Kobo Libra2	I was walking through town with a friend yesterday on the way home from a family event. The person in front of us appeared to be talking to themselves. I said to my friend, "mobile phones have made wonderful excuses for crazy people!" I guess you just had to be there.