Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 700

drjd · 06-05-2019, 05:45 AM

I don't like my hands. I like to keep them at arm's length.

yvanleterrible · 06-05-2019, 06:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

I don't like my hands. I like to keep them at arm's length.

If it were possible I’d give you Karma at every one of your posts...

drjd · 06-05-2019, 08:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yvanleterrible

If it were possible I’d give you Karma at every one of your posts...

I've thanked you and thanked you and thanked you and thanked you over a hundred times, it seems — man, I'm sick of repeating myself!

You have been always there for my stupid jokes even when I’m being a pain in the rear!

drjd · 06-06-2019, 07:04 AM

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.

drjd · 06-07-2019, 05:23 AM

Me: I taught my dog to play chess.

Friend: He must be very smart?

Me: Not really, I beat him two games out of three!

drjd · 06-08-2019, 06:24 AM

Two windmills are in a field. One asks, "What kind of music do you like?"

The other one says, "Well, I’m a big metal fan."

drjd · 06-09-2019, 06:23 AM

There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish. He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale."

A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish.

The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so they're dam fish."

The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish.

His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, "Preachers aren't supposed to talk like that."

The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them.

When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish.

His son replied, "That's the spirit dad. Pass those f**king potatoes!"

drjd · 06-10-2019, 07:20 AM

Reincarnation is a life-changing experience.

drjd · 06-11-2019, 05:40 AM

A tour bus load full of noisy tourists arrives at Runnymede, England.They gather around the guide who says, "This is the spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta."

A man pushing his way to the front of the crowd asks, "When did that happen?"

"1215," answers the guide.

The man looks at his watch and says, "Shoot! Just missed it by half an hour!"

drjd · 06-12-2019, 10:15 AM

So my twin brother called me from prison.

He said, "So you know how we finish each others' sentences?"

drjd · 06-12-2019, 05:00 PM

Apparel baron quit business to be spiritual as he no longer believed in material wealth!

drjd · 06-14-2019, 05:59 AM

My friend Jay had twin girls recently and he wanted to name them after him...

So I suggested Kaye and Elle.

wodin · 06-14-2019, 02:33 PM

Took me a couple of (re)reads to get that one.

drjd · 06-15-2019, 06:10 AM

My barber cut short his operational costs by trimming the overheads!

drjd · 06-16-2019, 11:39 AM

Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

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06-05-2019, 05:45 AM	#10486
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	I don't like my hands. I like to keep them at arm's length.

06-06-2019, 07:04 AM	#10489
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

06-07-2019, 05:23 AM	#10490
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Me: I taught my dog to play chess. Friend: He must be very smart? Me: Not really, I beat him two games out of three!

06-08-2019, 06:24 AM	#10491
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Two windmills are in a field. One asks, "What kind of music do you like?" The other one says, "Well, I’m a big metal fan."

06-09-2019, 06:23 AM	#10492
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish. He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale." A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish. The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so they're dam fish." The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish. His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, "Preachers aren't supposed to talk like that." The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them. When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish. His son replied, "That's the spirit dad. Pass those f**king potatoes!"

06-10-2019, 07:20 AM	#10493
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Reincarnation is a life-changing experience.

06-11-2019, 05:40 AM	#10494
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A tour bus load full of noisy tourists arrives at Runnymede, England.They gather around the guide who says, "This is the spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta." A man pushing his way to the front of the crowd asks, "When did that happen?" "1215," answers the guide. The man looks at his watch and says, "Shoot! Just missed it by half an hour!"

06-12-2019, 10:15 AM	#10495
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	So my twin brother called me from prison. He said, "So you know how we finish each others' sentences?"

06-12-2019, 05:00 PM	#10496
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Apparel baron quit business to be spiritual as he no longer believed in material wealth!

06-14-2019, 05:59 AM	#10497
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	My friend Jay had twin girls recently and he wanted to name them after him... So I suggested Kaye and Elle.

06-14-2019, 02:33 PM	#10498
wodin Illiterate Posts: 10,279 Karma: 37848716 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: The Sandwich Isles Device: Samsung Galaxy S10+, Microsoft Surface Pro	Took me a couple of (re)reads to get that one.

06-15-2019, 06:10 AM	#10499
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	My barber cut short his operational costs by trimming the overheads!

06-16-2019, 11:39 AM	#10500
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.