Red Redux - The Case Of The Desert Pirates

[GeoffC]

Originally Posted by montsnmags

You know, if she'd got L's attention with her little bangbang it would have been "feisty, old lady" and perfectly satisfactory. But a swift kick to the bollocks is all DGma and takes satisfaction to new levels of :snork:iness. Why if she were a few percentage points younger and I were a few straighter and we both were a lot more single...:wistful:

there be a lot of ifs, buts and perhaps's there ....

[desertgrandma]

(wiping tears from eyes) Ah me......the moral of this story?

Don't be frakin' with the old ladies. We don't need no stinkin' shooters as long as we can 'kick 'em in the 'nads'.....

(But I think I'll keep my backup handy just in case.......

[desertgrandma]

Originally Posted by montsnmags

You know, if she'd got L's attention with her little bangbang it would have been "feisty, old lady" and perfectly satisfactory. But a swift kick to the bollocks is all DGma and takes satisfaction to new levels of :snork:iness. Why if she were a few percentage points younger and I were a few straighter and we both were a lot more single...:wistful:

Never mind, sweetie. In another life, another world.........its you and me!

[desertgrandma]

Originally Posted by zelda_pinwheel

red works well with dg. maybe he should hire her on for his next job.


(reminder to self : do NOT make desertgrandma mad !)

I"m retired now, so I'm always available for some fun times.....

[Greg Anos]

We parked behind a defunct resturant. I gave L another flash, just in case the first one was wearin' off. Then I got down to questionin'.
"L, where are you keepin' the guy you took who didn't react to the neuralizer?"
A drugged "I don't know."
"Ok, why don't you know?"
" I figured you might come back, and I couldn't take the chance you might find out where he was, so I had my assistant hide somewhere where I would't know. Security."
Typical MIB. If you couldn't erase the memory, hide the evidence, and hope for the best.
"Ok, were you going to report back to your assistant on a schedule?"
"Yes."
"Could you tell me what the schedule was."
"Every six hours until we had you in custody. You cause too much trouble."
"It's nice to be loved. When was the next call scheduled?"
"At six PM."
"Any password or recognition codes?"
"Steak meant things were Ok, Fish meant I was under survellance."
"Did you expect to ever release the guy you were holding?"
"Once we figured out why he had been immune to the neuralizer."
"Had you had him tested recently for immunity?"
"Yes."
"And what was the result?"
"He was no longer immune to the neuralizer."
Anal sphincter. He could have let Desertgrandpa go already and we could have avoided all this hoorah.
"Did you send in the Zany Carter Deluxe for testing?"
"Yes."
"Have you gotten any response about the testing yet?"
"Not yet."
"When do you expect to get a response?"
"At the six PM call."
"What was the number you were to call?"
"No number, button three on the cellphone."
A direct line, encrypted.
"If the Zany Carter Deluxe proves to be the cause of the immunity, will you let the guy go after the six PM call?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Not until we've cleared your memory and his wife's memory.SOP."
"Were you going to let me go, with just the current situation erased?"
"No."
"What were you going to do?"
"Erase 90 percent of your memory and leave you in a homeless shelter."
Yep, still sore over that leg. I'd have to get a command level override to fix this one. Which meant I need to talk to the commander.
"What's your emergeny contact to Zed?"
"Star three times."
I was goin' to have to mull this one over. When the caps started poppin', it was goin' move real fast. Anything else I needed to ask L?
Well, Heinlein always said "never ignore the trival root of an equation." The MIB were in charge of keepin' track of all the aliens on Earth.
"Have you ever heard of a pair of talkin' socks?"
"Yes."
After I got over my shock, I asked, "Are their names Hugo and Lefty."
"Yes."
"Are they aliens?"
"We don't know. That's why we keep track of them."
"Do you know where they are now?"
"They're in an abandoned mine shaft near here. They just arrived yesterday."
"Why a mine shaft?"
"They're using it as a warehouse."
"What is the name of the mine?"
"The Lazy Lizard."
DG waved at me and nodded. Good, she knew where it was.
"Do they have other people with them?"
"Usually two."
Enough facts for now. I was gettin a plan together in my mind.
"Now L, you will go to sleep now. You will only wake up when somebody says, "Wake up, L"
L started snoring softly...
I turned to DesertGrandma, "Ok, where's the Lazy Lizard Mine?"

[Patricia]

Alien socks!!!???
This gets better and better...

[Greg Anos]

Originally Posted by Patricia

Alien socks!!!???
This gets better and better...

Now, now, not even the Men In Black know the answer to that one. Where did Hugo and Lefty come from. . . . Maybe Harv and Vera know???

[Patricia]

I thought that they were knitted by the fair hands of our own Zelda, possibly using the superstring that binds the universe together.

[Greg Anos]

Originally Posted by Patricia

I thought that they were knitted by the fair hands of our own Zelda, possibly using the superstring that binds the universe together.

Red will have to ask Her Majesty, right after the next time they do some target shooting.......

[zelda_pinwheel]

Originally Posted by Patricia

I thought that they were knitted by the fair hands of our own Zelda, possibly using the superstring that binds the universe together.

that's a charming theory, but in all honesty zelda doesn't know how to knit well enough to make socks yet.

but perhaps in the future she learns, and knits the socks, and (with the probable intervention of Montsnmags Enterprises, Ltd.) they travel back in time to appear before they were created... that would explain a lot, wouldn't it ?

[Greg Anos]

Originally Posted by zelda_pinwheel

that's a charming theory, but in all honesty zelda doesn't know how to knit well enough to make socks yet.

but perhaps in the future she learns, and knits the socks, and (with the probable intervention of Montsnmags Enterprises, Ltd.) they travel back in time to appear before they were created... that would explain a lot, wouldn't it ?

Sounds loopy to me... There's nothing like a good space-time loop for another day's breakfast....

[psockpuppet]

Originally Posted by Ralph Sir Edward

Now, now, not even the Men In Black know the answer to that one. Where did Hugo and Lefty come from. . . . Maybe Harv and Vera know???

Well, when two socks love each other very much, they get married. After they've bought a house together and have done all the swinging scene stuff, they decide that they want to have little booties of their own. So they look through a bunch of catalogues and order some nice baby wool. Then the Momma sock casts on to the Daddy sock's needles and they 'knit.' Soon, there is a pair of baby booties...

[Greg Anos]

I was about to head over to the Lazy Lizard, but I remembered that I needed give VR a ring, since I'd just found out somthin' about Hugo and Lefty.
VR's human answered the phone. "Ambassador VivaldiRules' Embassy. What is the purpose of this call?"
"This here's Red, and the purpose is to p--s off VR. How about puttin' him on the speaker."
Next thing I heard was VR voice. "Alright, you lazy redneck, why are you bothering me. You're not getting a cash advance on this job to buy more Ranger's tickets."
"Nice Doggie. Good Doggie."
"And don't call me Doggie!"
"Easy, VR. I got some good news and some bad news. I'll give 'em in order. The good new is I've got a line on Hugo and Lefty. The bad news is there might have to be some shootin' before I can liberate 'em. Now I got one question for you. Do you want to be in on the liberation, or do you want to take a senior general position where you're at. I can cut it either way, but the show about to roll, so...in or out?"
A long pause. "In. Somebody'll have to bail your (bleep) out, just like last time."
"Don't worry VR, I'll tell the Queen how brave you were. Now meet me at..." And I gave him the location of the defunct resturant. (I don't give advertizing to dead resturants. there's no percentage in it.)
After I hung up on VR, I turned to DesertGrandma.
"I need to wait here until VR, the talking dog, shows up."
"Talking Dog?"
"Yeah, you meet all kinds in this business. He's a big wheel from a foreign country, but don't let him bother you, I know his boss."
She looked dubious, but game. "What's the plan, Red."
"DG, I'm playin' three games at once. You husband has top priority, but I have a line on at least one of the other games, so I figger to combine the two games in one. So once VR gets here, we're goin' over to the Lazy Lizard and find out who's workin' with Hugo and Lefty, and pick 'em up so they can go back to Pinwheel. That's what VR hired me for. Once we get that hash settled, I'll call the MIB and get the prisoner exchange set up. I figger I'll have to call L's boss to get all the feathers unruffled. With us holdin' L, and with the feathers settled back at MIB HQ, I figger the swap will go off without a hitch. If it don't, you'd better be willin' to do some ventilation work with that Scholfield.
"You got any extra cartridges?"
"Two loaders in my purse. I never figured I'd need to start a war."
"Ok, we'll go by your house and pick up some water and some chips, and your shotgun and all your cartridges. I don't figger we'll need them, but better safe than sorry."
A few minutes later, a car rolled up and VR got out.
"Howdy, VR. Meet DesertGrandma. It's her husband that got kidnapped."
"VivaldiRules, Ambassador-at-Large to the Kingdon of Pinwheel, at your service. I'm glad to see somebody of taste controlling this redneck."
I saw DG's hand going into her purse, so I grabbed her arm before somethin' untoward happened.
"Don't worry, DG. He's just a little sandpapery around me. Doesn't bother me. Besides, we need to get."
DG relaxed and took her hand out of her purse. She had a compact in her hand, but I knew that wasn't what she was about to pull out before I grabbed her arm.
"Hop aboard, VR. We're gonna make a stop at her house to pick up some things, and then head over to where Hugo and Lefty are. I want to get this done so I can catch tomorrow's game."
He did and we went rollin' back to DG's house.

[dreams]

[badgoodDeb]

Originally Posted by Ralph Sir Edward

DG relaxed and took her hand out of her purse. She had a compact in her hand, but I knew that wasn't what she was about to pull out before I grabbed her arm.

Oooohhhh. A *makeup* compact. I thought it was a compact pistol!