Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 692

drjd · 12-03-2018, 05:09 AM

Chuck Norris has one trillion followers on Twitter!

Fbone · 12-04-2018, 02:09 AM

Today’s children would be less spoiled if we could spank grandparents!

drjd · 12-04-2018, 04:53 AM

Since I changed the color of my favorite monastic robes they have been stiff and uncomfortable. I guess old habits dye hard.

drjd · 12-05-2018, 05:14 AM

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

drjd · 12-06-2018, 05:37 AM

Some wives claim that if you give a man enough rope, he'll claim he's tied up at the office.

Fbone · 12-07-2018, 12:41 AM

The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing.

drjd · 12-07-2018, 09:22 AM

Latest comment from the pundits regarding the population explosion: If the birth rate keeps increasing, there will soon be standing room only on the earth, at which time the birth rate should stop increasing pretty quickly.

pdurrant · 12-08-2018, 11:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

Latest comment from the pundits regarding the population explosion: If the birth rate keeps increasing, there will soon be standing room only on the earth, at which time the birth rate should stop increasing pretty quickly.

Why does <prudish social/religious group> object to couples having sex standing up?

Because it might lead to dancing....

drjd · 12-09-2018, 05:56 AM

Driving with one headlight isn't very bright.

Adoby · 12-11-2018, 01:14 PM

Suppose Britain leaves EU. How much storage would that free up?

Answer:

Spoiler:

drjd · 12-12-2018, 06:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Adoby

Suppose Britain leaves EU. How much storage would that free up?

Answer:

Spoiler:

drjd · 12-12-2018, 06:48 AM

A wealthy investor walked into a bank and said to the bank manager, "I would like to speak with Mr. Reginald Jones, who I understand is a tried and trusted employee of yours."

The banker said, "Yes he certainly was trusted. And he will be tried as soon as we catch him."

PieMan597 · 12-17-2018, 01:40 PM

Why is the Australian Emergency line "000"?

Spoiler:

drjd · 12-18-2018, 04:58 AM

Yesterday I received a fresh orange as a gift from my friend who is a lawyer, with his note:

"I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, calim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding..."

pdurrant · 12-18-2018, 09:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

Yesterday I received a fresh orange as a gift from my friend who is a lawyer, with his note:

"I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, calim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding..."

Not much of a lawyer. He forgot to transfer to you all his rights under the Consumer Rights Act (2015).

12-11-2018, 01:14 PM	#10375
Adoby Handy Elephant Posts: 1,737 Karma: 26785684 Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Southern Sweden, far out in the quiet woods Device: Samsung Galaxy Tab S8 Ultra	Suppose Britain leaves EU. How much storage would that free up? Answer: Spoiler: 1 GB

12-17-2018, 01:40 PM	#10378
PieMan597 Still a pie Posts: 6,285 Karma: 37018654 Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: PieTown USA Device: Kindle Touch, OnePlus 7 Pro	Why is the Australian Emergency line "000"? Spoiler: Because it’ll look the same when your phone is upside down.

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12-03-2018, 05:09 AM	#10366
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Chuck Norris has one trillion followers on Twitter!

12-04-2018, 02:09 AM	#10367
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,313 Karma: 103930826 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Today’s children would be less spoiled if we could spank grandparents!

12-04-2018, 04:53 AM	#10368
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Since I changed the color of my favorite monastic robes they have been stiff and uncomfortable. I guess old habits dye hard.

12-05-2018, 05:14 AM	#10369
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

12-06-2018, 05:37 AM	#10370
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Some wives claim that if you give a man enough rope, he'll claim he's tied up at the office.

12-07-2018, 12:41 AM	#10371
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,313 Karma: 103930826 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing.

12-07-2018, 09:22 AM	#10372
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Latest comment from the pundits regarding the population explosion: If the birth rate keeps increasing, there will soon be standing room only on the earth, at which time the birth rate should stop increasing pretty quickly.

12-09-2018, 05:56 AM	#10374
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Driving with one headlight isn't very bright.

12-12-2018, 06:48 AM	#10377
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A wealthy investor walked into a bank and said to the bank manager, "I would like to speak with Mr. Reginald Jones, who I understand is a tried and trusted employee of yours." The banker said, "Yes he certainly was trusted. And he will be tried as soon as we catch him."

12-18-2018, 04:58 AM	#10379
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Yesterday I received a fresh orange as a gift from my friend who is a lawyer, with his note: "I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, calim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding..."