Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 685

drjd · 10-11-2018, 05:46 AM

Why do women live a better, longer & more peaceful Life, compared to men?

A very INTELLIGENT student replied: 'Because women don't have a wife!'

Fbone · 10-11-2018, 01:02 PM

"Some say I’ve aged like a fine wine, but I just wish I could get back those 15 years I was locked in a cellar."

drjd · 10-12-2018, 06:10 AM

COOL MESSAGE BY A WIFE: Dear Mother-in-law, Don't teach me how to handle my children. I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement!?

drjd · 10-12-2018, 07:48 AM

A prospective husband in a book store “Do you have a book called ‘Husband – the Master of the House?’'

Sales girl: “Sir, fiction and comics are on the 1st floor!”

Fbone · 10-12-2018, 07:33 PM

The risk I took was calculated, but man am I bad at math.

cromag · 10-13-2018, 05:36 PM

(Found on the internet -- but I really laughed!)

A new astronaut arrived at a space station and was in the kitchen with a more experienced astronaut. "I'm trying to make some coffee but I can't find the milk," he said.

The old pro said, "In space no one can. Here, use cream."

drjd · 10-14-2018, 05:52 AM

Is 'Government organization' an example of oxymoron?

timebug · 10-15-2018, 04:53 AM

I always found 'Military Intelligence' was an oxymoron, after dealing with them!

drjd · 10-15-2018, 05:56 AM

A couch is a remote location.

drjd · 10-16-2018, 11:17 AM

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question.

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"
HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."
WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE: -- silence-
HUSBAND: "sh*t."

Fbone · 10-16-2018, 08:27 PM

I’ve found that people tend to leave you alone after they’ve seen you eat mashed potatoes out of your coat pocket.

drjd · 10-17-2018, 06:09 AM

The floor was so dusty that it seemed to be suffering from sweep deprivation.

Andy_T · 10-17-2018, 07:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."

Only a fool would continue that conversation without his lawyer present... as demonstrated.

drjd · 10-18-2018, 06:13 AM

Doughnut, that word has a certain ring to it.

Fbone · 10-18-2018, 02:16 PM

This bag of potato chips is pure chaos! Something must be done about this!

Said the inventor of Pringles

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10-11-2018, 05:46 AM	#10261
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Why do women live a better, longer & more peaceful Life, compared to men? A very INTELLIGENT student replied: 'Because women don't have a wife!'

10-11-2018, 01:02 PM	#10262
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,299 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	"Some say I’ve aged like a fine wine, but I just wish I could get back those 15 years I was locked in a cellar."

10-12-2018, 06:10 AM	#10263
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	COOL MESSAGE BY A WIFE: Dear Mother-in-law, Don't teach me how to handle my children. I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement!?

10-12-2018, 07:48 AM	#10264
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A prospective husband in a book store “Do you have a book called ‘Husband – the Master of the House?’' Sales girl: “Sir, fiction and comics are on the 1st floor!”

10-12-2018, 07:33 PM	#10265
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,299 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	The risk I took was calculated, but man am I bad at math.

10-13-2018, 05:36 PM	#10266
cromag Surfin the alpha waves ~~ Posts: 26,557 Karma: 459765791 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: New Jersey Device: Jetbook Lite & Mini, Nook STR, Kobo, Hanvon N516, Kindle 2, Androids	(Found on the internet -- but I really laughed!) A new astronaut arrived at a space station and was in the kitchen with a more experienced astronaut. "I'm trying to make some coffee but I can't find the milk," he said. The old pro said, "In space no one can. Here, use cream."

10-14-2018, 05:52 AM	#10267
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Is 'Government organization' an example of oxymoron?

10-15-2018, 04:53 AM	#10268
timebug Ancient Sage Posts: 14,585 Karma: 15493448 Join Date: Oct 2015 Location: Derby U.K. Device: Kobo Reader	I always found 'Military Intelligence' was an oxymoron, after dealing with them!

10-15-2018, 05:56 AM	#10269
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A couch is a remote location.

10-16-2018, 11:17 AM	#10270
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question. WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?" HUSBAND: "Definitely not!" WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?" HUSBAND: "Of course I do." WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again." WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look) HUSBAND: (makes audible groan) WIFE: "Would you live in our house?" HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house." WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?" WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?" HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new." WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?" HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do." WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?" HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own." WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?" HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed." WIFE: -- silence- HUSBAND: "sh*t."

10-16-2018, 08:27 PM	#10271
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,299 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I’ve found that people tend to leave you alone after they’ve seen you eat mashed potatoes out of your coat pocket.

10-17-2018, 06:09 AM	#10272
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	The floor was so dusty that it seemed to be suffering from sweep deprivation.

10-18-2018, 06:13 AM	#10274
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Doughnut, that word has a certain ring to it.

10-18-2018, 02:16 PM	#10275
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,299 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	This bag of potato chips is pure chaos! Something must be done about this! Said the inventor of Pringles