Unutterably Silly Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day

[drjd]

Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted.

[drjd]

A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park in New York and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of lilies.

"Tch Tch!" said the passerby to himself. "What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see if I can help."

So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked, "What are you doing, my friend?"

"Fishin', sir."

"Fishin', eh. Well how would you like to come have a drink with me?"

The old man stood up, put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of beer and a fine cigar.

His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch this morning?"

The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke ring and replied, "You are the sixth today, sir!"

[John K]

Originally Posted by drjd

A old woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband, and she says,"I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you"...

Her husband asks, "Is that you, or the wine talking?

She replies, "It's me...talking to the wine."

I'm still laughing at this one!

[drjd]

Originally Posted by John K

I'm still laughing at this one!

Freud's 23rd law: ideas endure and prosper in inverse proportion to their soundness and validity.

[orlok]

Never go into a general store and ask for something specific.

[Bookpossum]

Originally Posted by orlok

Never go into a general store and ask for something specific.

They had it last week, but won’t be stocking it again.

[drjd]

Just remember: when you go to court, you are trusting your fate to twelve people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty!

[Figlilly]

Truisms For Today...

- If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they'd eventually find me attractive.

- I find it ironic that the colours red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they're flashing behind you.

- Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.

- I changed my password to "incorrect" so whenever I forget it the computer will say, "Your password is incorrect."

- Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

- I'm great at multi-tasking--I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

- If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

- Never tell your problems to anyone, because 20 percent don't care and the other 80 percent are glad you have them.

- Doesn't expecting the unexpected mean that the unexpected is actually expected?

- Take my advice * I'm not using it.

- I hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound perspicacious.

- Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when you wish they were.

- Television may insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

- I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and so far all it's been doing is gathering dust.

- Every time someone comes up with a foolproof solution, along comes a more-talented fool.

- I'll bet you $4,567 you can't guess how much I owe my bookie.

- Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

- If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.

- A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

- Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

- When I married Ms. Right, I had no idea her first name was Always.

- My wife got 8 out 10 on her driver's test--the other two guys managed to jump out of her way.

- There may be no excuse for laziness, but I'm still looking.

- Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

- Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

- He who laughs last thinks slowest.

- Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?

- Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.

- I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.

[drjd]

Two men are trying to get in a quick eighteen holes, but there two women golfers in front of them who are taking quite a long time to play each hole.

The first guy says, "Why don't you go over and ask if we can play through?" The second guy gets about halfway there, turns and comes back.

The first guy says, "What's wrong?"He says, "One of them is my wife, and the other is my mistress."

The first guy says, "That could be a problem. I'll go over." He gets about halfway there and he turns and comes back, too.

The second guy says, "What's wrong?"

The first guy says, "Small world!"

[drjd]

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.

Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato sacks.

Then try 50-lb potato sacks and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

(I'm at this level.)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks.

[Bookpossum]

Love it!

[Figlilly]

Creating a password on Windows.

WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.

USER: Cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

USER: Boiled cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.

USER: 1 boiled cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces

USER: 50damnboiledcabbages

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character

USER: 50DAMNboiledcabbages

WINDOWS: Sorry the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively

USER: 50DamnBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveM eAccessNow!

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.

USER:ReallyPissedOff50DamnBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYo urAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow

WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use

[drjd]

Originally Posted by Figwit

WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use

[drjd]

This kid deserves a medal!

[orlok]