Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 667

drjd · 01-24-2018, 06:11 AM

In a bakery:

Man to the shop assistant: “I’ll have that thing there, please.”

Shop assistant: “Cupcake?”

Man: “OK, Cupcake, I’ll have that thing there, please.”

drjd · 01-25-2018, 08:30 AM

One of the most wonderful things in life is to wake up and enjoy a cuddle with somebody; unless you are in prison.

drjd · 01-26-2018, 06:48 AM

Meanwhile in a parallel universe: “Oh for God’s sake! Where are all these extra single socks coming from?!”

drjd · 01-29-2018, 05:55 AM

At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41."

So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35.

So, again, we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: "Thank you for participating in Delta's physical fitness program.

drjd · 01-31-2018, 05:11 AM

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed
him a card with the letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

orlok · 01-31-2018, 09:30 AM

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drjd · 02-01-2018, 12:24 PM

Two retired professors were vacationing with their wives at a hotel in the Catskills. They were sitting in rocking chairs on the veranda one summer evening, watching the sun set.

The history professor asked the psychology professor, "Have you read Marx?"

To which the professor of psychology replied, "Yes, and I think it's these pesky wicker chairs."

badgoodDeb · 02-01-2018, 02:23 PM

Good one!

Wetdogeared · 02-01-2018, 04:06 PM

After 10,000 posts, and as OP of this thread, I think it has run its course, and request that it be closed.

I've read every post in this thread and had many laughs.

Spoiler:

drjd · 02-02-2018, 06:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wetdogeared

...and request that it be closed.

So what happens when somebody scares you half to death – and then again?

DMcCunney · 02-02-2018, 10:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

So what happens when somebody scares you half to death – and then again?

You get a particularly nasty form of Xeno's Paradox.
______
Dennis

drjd · 02-03-2018, 12:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DMcCunney

You get a particularly nasty form of Xeno's Paradox.
______
Dennis

drjd · 02-03-2018, 12:33 PM

Dark, the side of this toast is. (Yoda at breakfast)

orlok · 02-06-2018, 06:51 PM

After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes as the train rolled out of the station. Just as she was dropping off, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his mobile phone and started talking in a loud voice.

"Hi sweetheart. It's Rick. I'm on the train. Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting. No, honey, not with that blonde from the accounts office. With the boss. No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life. Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart!"

Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking away just as loudly. The young woman sitting next to him had had enough. She leaned over and said into the phone, "Rick, turn that damn phone off and come back to bed."

Rick doesn't use his mobile phone in public any longer.

drjd · 02-07-2018, 05:20 AM

I Googled "how to start a wildfire". I got 48,500 matches.

02-01-2018, 04:06 PM	#9999
Wetdogeared Storm Surge'n Posts: 5,781 Karma: 8213195 Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Polar Vortex Device: S0ny PRS-300/350/505/700/T1	After 10,000 posts, and as OP of this thread, I think it has run its course, and request that it be closed. I've read every post in this thread and had many laughs. Spoiler: Just kidding! Keep on posting.

02-06-2018, 06:51 PM	#10004
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	Mobile phone ettiquette After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes as the train rolled out of the station. Just as she was dropping off, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his mobile phone and started talking in a loud voice. "Hi sweetheart. It's Rick. I'm on the train. Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting. No, honey, not with that blonde from the accounts office. With the boss. No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life. Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart!" Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking away just as loudly. The young woman sitting next to him had had enough. She leaned over and said into the phone, "Rick, turn that damn phone off and come back to bed." Rick doesn't use his mobile phone in public any longer.

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01-24-2018, 06:11 AM	#9991
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	In a bakery: Man to the shop assistant: “I’ll have that thing there, please.” Shop assistant: “Cupcake?” Man: “OK, Cupcake, I’ll have that thing there, please.”

01-25-2018, 08:30 AM	#9992
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	One of the most wonderful things in life is to wake up and enjoy a cuddle with somebody; unless you are in prison.

01-26-2018, 06:48 AM	#9993
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Meanwhile in a parallel universe: “Oh for God’s sake! Where are all these extra single socks coming from?!”

01-29-2018, 05:55 AM	#9994
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41." So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35. So, again, we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: "Thank you for participating in Delta's physical fitness program.

01-31-2018, 05:11 AM	#9995
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked. "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

01-31-2018, 09:30 AM	#9996
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"

02-01-2018, 12:24 PM	#9997
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Two retired professors were vacationing with their wives at a hotel in the Catskills. They were sitting in rocking chairs on the veranda one summer evening, watching the sun set. The history professor asked the psychology professor, "Have you read Marx?" To which the professor of psychology replied, "Yes, and I think it's these pesky wicker chairs."

02-01-2018, 02:23 PM	#9998
badgoodDeb Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,574 Karma: 64462893 Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Harrisburg outskirts Device: Palms, K1-4s, iPads, iPhones, KV, KO1	Good one!

02-03-2018, 12:33 PM	#10003
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Dark, the side of this toast is. (Yoda at breakfast)

02-07-2018, 05:20 AM	#10005
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	I Googled "how to start a wildfire". I got 48,500 matches.