User Poetry - Page 65

Vandy · 12-21-2010, 12:24 PM

Hello, All.

Boy! I don't follow this thread for a week and it ABSOLUTELY EXPLODES!! I am so excited to see all the new (well, at least new to me) people posting in this thread. It is wonderful that y'all are willing to open yourselves up and share with us. Let me jump right in with my comments...

@St Valamir - The Ballad of the Glassteel Heart

One of THE BEST PG-Rated Erotic Poems I have EVER READ!! What beautiful word imagery you've used! My mind is still reeling from the candy you've provided. Your structure is superb; your rhymes excellent. The story told is heart-felt and... well, RAW!! Excellent, excellent poem!

@mhikl - Ode to Sigil

This is a very "cute" little ditty. I really enjoyed it and very much enjoyed your "take" on the structure and rhymes. Your story is light-hearted yet has enough "teeth" to make it's point. Great work!

As to rhyming with PDFs, I think "enough" works pretty good here. Other options -- depending upon what letter or groups of letters you want to stress:

stress
best
supress(ed)
less
dress
confess

... you get the idea.

Your comments on Post # 954, 12-13-2010, 06:30 PM

I agree that the more one writes the easier it is to reach inside and pull out the words.

You are so correct concerning your comment on the clarity that writing brings to one's situation(s). I'm currious about your comment concerning "prose where logic messes everything up"? Personally, I beleive my better work is in the prose arena rather than rhyme.

I've got to second everything you've stated in paragraph three. It is a testement to Wetdogeared that he has had the opportunity (yes, opportunity) to face what seemed to be an inevitable end, work his way through it and come out the other side.

@ Dr. Drib

It would seem you don't care much for Adobe and their PDF format?
It's certainly clear you won't allow yourself to be a doormat.
Myself, I enjoy their products and all of that,
Even if Adobe sometimes acts like a fat cat.

@Wetdogeared - The Coldest Tears

I have always had a "thing" for dark poetry and your piece most definitely pushed that particular button.

It is my belief that the dark side of poetry is most potent and, when written will (as your piece is), can really put PAID! to the subject on which one writes.

Your structure, choice of words and tone are excellent and blend quite well together to bring out the theme of the poem.

I believe your choice of lower case letter is spot on! I would suggest that you use a small "i" rather than a capital "I".

Great work and I'm very glad you're still with us!

@Joebill - poem: Christmas, 2010

I've got to say that even though the piece was a bit of a rough read for me, you've captured the absolute secular essence of Christmas. I very much enjoyed your word images and the memories they stirred up in me. Thank you for such a warming and honest look at Christmas!

@kennyc - Motherly Instinks

I'm still laughing at reading this very entertaining piece. Kenny, you really have a wonderful ability to string a series of words together to form a completely commanding piece. I find myself sniffing to be sure none of that cloud is enveloping me.

Really a very cute and wonderfully written piece. Thank you for sharing it.

Regards,

Vandy

Vandy · 12-21-2010, 12:50 PM

Hello, All.

I hope it is okay that I've posted right after one of my own posts...

I wanted to share with you a piece that I wrote over 30 years ago but still has the power to "grab".

Enjoy.

A Message From The Departed
Gary W. Vanderbur
© June 26, 1980
(revised 12-21-2010)
Write Naturally Publishing House
... a division of VAN Enterprises

The night wind blows across the field,
Whistling and playing a mournful tune.
Its breeze scatters flowers about
and steals away dirt from the mound.

I look about me but see nothing
Save for total darkness on all sides.
I reach out to touch my new world
And encounter its soft walls.

Peaceful existence that this is,
I sense a wrongness somehow.
If I, as I was, have ceased to be,
Then, how can I, as I am, be?

Regards,

Vandy

kennyc · 12-21-2010, 01:21 PM

Nice? one Vandy. Very Poe'ish.

Glad you got a chuckle out of mine.

Joebill · 12-21-2010, 06:14 PM

I drop cultural references into my poems as cues to remember past events.

Welcome to the forums.

GeoffC · 12-22-2010, 04:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kennyc

Nice? one Vandy. Very Poe'ish.

WT Sharpe · 01-03-2011, 11:09 PM

I don't know what you would call this, and don't much rightly care. It seems presumptuous to call it a poem, and prose seems too esteemed a term. It's just a thought, really, and here it is for what it's worth. I only hope it will be to a heavy heart like the first warm day of an early Spring.

A Thousand and One Good Things Happened Today

By WT Sharpe

He died,
And no one noticed.
Save those who secretly sighed relief
To be free from the daily recitation
Of his thousand and one complaints.

Some say life continues
Beyond the body's demise.
I'm not that wise to know, but
If so, his thousand and one complaints
The saints must now suffer.

Or perhaps his remonstrances
Now torment Beelzebub;
It's all the same to me:
I'm free.

At least for now.

And Glory be,
If death be oblivion,
Liberated eternally
From ever again hearing
Those thousand and one damned complaints.

GeoffC · 01-04-2011, 06:16 AM

It may not be a poem in the strictest of senses, but it's a good one Tom

.

kennyc · 01-04-2011, 06:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WT Sharpe

I don't know what you would call this, and don't much rightly care. It seems presumptuous to call it a poem, and prose seems too esteemed a term. It's just a thought, really, and here it is for what it's worth. I only hope it will be to a heavy heart like the first warm day of an early Spring.

A Thousand and One Good Things Happened Today

By WT Sharpe

He died,
And no one noticed.
Save those who secretly sighed relief
To be free from the daily recitation
Of his thousand and one complaints.

Some say life continues
Beyond the body's demise.
I'm not that wise to know, but
If so, his thousand and one complaints
The saints must now suffer.

Or perhaps his remonstrances
Now torment Beelzebub;
It's all the same to me:
I'm free.

At least for now.

And Glory be,
If death be oblivion,
Liberated eternally
From ever again hearing
Those thousand and one damned complaints.

Excellent Tom. Absolutely this is a poem!! You wouldn't believe what some pass off as poems.

And a great one too!

I love it!

and good title!

Vandy · 01-04-2011, 01:42 PM

@Tom (WT Sharpe) - A Thousand and One Good Things Happened Today

Merriam-Webster defines a poem as "a composition in verse".

You've certainly written a composition and placed it in "verse" form so, voilà! You have a poem. And a pretty nice one at that!

Even though you've put free form in an open verse format, it still reads quite well and flows along.

I really enjoyed how you handled the subject matter and got a good chuckle at the ending.

Great job, Tom. Thanks for sharing.

Regards,

WT Sharpe · 01-04-2011, 04:06 PM

GeoffC, KennyC, and Vandy: Thank you!

Belfaborac · 01-04-2011, 05:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WT Sharpe

I don't know what you would call this, and don't much rightly care.

I call it one of the most enjoyable and original poems I've read for absolute ages. Thank you!

GeoffC · 01-16-2011, 06:01 AM

Outside the shadows of our dreams
there's no magic in those moonbeams
to shine a light upon our souls.

In the darkest of hours when the shimmers
of light invade the heavens,
Aurora straddles o’er the poles;
there she doth unveil her skirts of green,
and dances with her reds and her blues as bright
as the sprites as they joyfully play.

Outside the shadows of our dreams
there's no magic in those moonbeams
that shine a light upon our souls.

When ever we lose control
there's only headaches from the vine.

kennyc · 01-16-2011, 07:42 AM

Wonderful Geoff!

Love it!

GeoffC · 01-16-2011, 07:57 AM

Thanks

caleb72 · 01-16-2011, 09:02 AM

Very very old poem I wrote when I was in high school (I think).

LOVE ME LIKE A TORTURE RACK

A breath of wind stirs the leaves
Of the cypress trees along my grove
Of memories embedded deep
In my past and yet
I see a beach with sunset hills
Of blood red dunes
Streaked with the pain of knowing
You are not near.

My heart is torn inside my breast
And thunder storms rage in the
Nightmare of your departure
Leaving me in anguish and in
The arms of an icy
Land of indifference
And rock hard torture
Set me free.

It's a bit hard to get across how this poem is supposed to sound as I wrote it to be read aloud a certain way. It's meant to be read like two sentences, each spoken without taking a breath.

Anyway - that's an old one.

Regards
Caleb

12-21-2010, 12:24 PM	#961
Vandy ...always be humble. Posts: 116 Karma: 505917 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Fort Myers, FL USA Device: iPhone 5s, iPod Touch 3rd Gen, Kindle 3 WiFi, Kindle Fire	What a Great Pouring Out of Talent!! Hello, All. Boy! I don't follow this thread for a week and it ABSOLUTELY EXPLODES!! I am so excited to see all the new (well, at least new to me) people posting in this thread. It is wonderful that y'all are willing to open yourselves up and share with us. Let me jump right in with my comments... @St Valamir - The Ballad of the Glassteel Heart One of THE BEST PG-Rated Erotic Poems I have EVER READ!! What beautiful word imagery you've used! My mind is still reeling from the candy you've provided. Your structure is superb; your rhymes excellent. The story told is heart-felt and... well, RAW!! Excellent, excellent poem! @mhikl - Ode to Sigil This is a very "cute" little ditty. I really enjoyed it and very much enjoyed your "take" on the structure and rhymes. Your story is light-hearted yet has enough "teeth" to make it's point. Great work! As to rhyming with PDFs, I think "enough" works pretty good here. Other options -- depending upon what letter or groups of letters you want to stress: stress best supress(ed) less dress confess ... you get the idea. Your comments on Post # 954, 12-13-2010, 06:30 PM I agree that the more one writes the easier it is to reach inside and pull out the words. You are so correct concerning your comment on the clarity that writing brings to one's situation(s). I'm currious about your comment concerning "prose where logic messes everything up"? Personally, I beleive my better work is in the prose arena rather than rhyme. I've got to second everything you've stated in paragraph three. It is a testement to Wetdogeared that he has had the opportunity (yes, opportunity) to face what seemed to be an inevitable end, work his way through it and come out the other side. @ Dr. Drib It would seem you don't care much for Adobe and their PDF format? It's certainly clear you won't allow yourself to be a doormat. Myself, I enjoy their products and all of that, Even if Adobe sometimes acts like a fat cat. @Wetdogeared - The Coldest Tears I have always had a "thing" for dark poetry and your piece most definitely pushed that particular button. It is my belief that the dark side of poetry is most potent and, when written will (as your piece is), can really put PAID! to the subject on which one writes. Your structure, choice of words and tone are excellent and blend quite well together to bring out the theme of the poem. I believe your choice of lower case letter is spot on! I would suggest that you use a small "i" rather than a capital "I". Great work and I'm very glad you're still with us! @Joebill - poem: Christmas, 2010 I've got to say that even though the piece was a bit of a rough read for me, you've captured the absolute secular essence of Christmas. I very much enjoyed your word images and the memories they stirred up in me. Thank you for such a warming and honest look at Christmas! @kennyc - Motherly Instinks I'm still laughing at reading this very entertaining piece. Kenny, you really have a wonderful ability to string a series of words together to form a completely commanding piece. I find myself sniffing to be sure none of that cloud is enveloping me. Really a very cute and wonderfully written piece. Thank you for sharing it. Regards, Vandy

12-21-2010, 12:50 PM	#962
Vandy ...always be humble. Posts: 116 Karma: 505917 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Fort Myers, FL USA Device: iPhone 5s, iPod Touch 3rd Gen, Kindle 3 WiFi, Kindle Fire	A Message From The Departed Hello, All. I hope it is okay that I've posted right after one of my own posts... I wanted to share with you a piece that I wrote over 30 years ago but still has the power to "grab". Enjoy. A Message From The Departed Gary W. Vanderbur © June 26, 1980 (revised 12-21-2010) Write Naturally Publishing House ... a division of VAN Enterprises The night wind blows across the field, Whistling and playing a mournful tune. Its breeze scatters flowers about and steals away dirt from the mound. I look about me but see nothing Save for total darkness on all sides. I reach out to touch my new world And encounter its soft walls. Peaceful existence that this is, I sense a wrongness somehow. If I, as I was, have ceased to be, Then, how can I, as I am, be? Regards, Vandy

01-04-2011, 01:42 PM	#969
Vandy ...always be humble. Posts: 116 Karma: 505917 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Fort Myers, FL USA Device: iPhone 5s, iPod Touch 3rd Gen, Kindle 3 WiFi, Kindle Fire	Great Free Verse! @Tom (WT Sharpe) - A Thousand and One Good Things Happened Today Merriam-Webster defines a poem as "a composition in verse". You've certainly written a composition and placed it in "verse" form so, voilà! You have a poem. And a pretty nice one at that! Even though you've put free form in an open verse format, it still reads quite well and flows along. I really enjoyed how you handled the subject matter and got a good chuckle at the ending. Great job, Tom. Thanks for sharing. Regards,

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12-21-2010, 01:21 PM	#963
kennyc The Dank Side of the Moon Posts: 35,904 Karma: 119230421 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Denver, CO Device: Kindle2; Kindle Fire	Nice? one Vandy. Very Poe'ish. Glad you got a chuckle out of mine.

12-21-2010, 06:14 PM	#964
Joebill Fanatic Posts: 517 Karma: 459442 Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Alpha Centauri's Library of Alexandria Device: Pandigital Novel	I drop cultural references into my poems as cues to remember past events. Welcome to the forums.

01-03-2011, 11:09 PM	#966
WT Sharpe Bah, humbug! Posts: 39,072 Karma: 157049943 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.	I don't know what you would call this, and don't much rightly care. It seems presumptuous to call it a poem, and prose seems too esteemed a term. It's just a thought, really, and here it is for what it's worth. I only hope it will be to a heavy heart like the first warm day of an early Spring. A Thousand and One Good Things Happened Today By WT Sharpe He died, And no one noticed. Save those who secretly sighed relief To be free from the daily recitation Of his thousand and one complaints. Some say life continues Beyond the body's demise. I'm not that wise to know, but If so, his thousand and one complaints The saints must now suffer. Or perhaps his remonstrances Now torment Beelzebub; It's all the same to me: I'm free. At least for now. And Glory be, If death be oblivion, Liberated eternally From ever again hearing Those thousand and one damned complaints.

01-04-2011, 06:16 AM	#967
GeoffC Chocolate Grasshopper ... Posts: 27,599 Karma: 20821184 Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Scotland Device: Muse HD , Cybook Gen3 , Pocketbook 302 (Black) , Nexus 10: wife has PW	It may not be a poem in the strictest of senses, but it's a good one Tom .

01-04-2011, 04:06 PM	#970
WT Sharpe Bah, humbug! Posts: 39,072 Karma: 157049943 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.	GeoffC, KennyC, and Vandy: Thank you!

01-16-2011, 06:01 AM	#972
GeoffC Chocolate Grasshopper ... Posts: 27,599 Karma: 20821184 Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Scotland Device: Muse HD , Cybook Gen3 , Pocketbook 302 (Black) , Nexus 10: wife has PW	Outside the shadows of our dreams there's no magic in those moonbeams to shine a light upon our souls. In the darkest of hours when the shimmers of light invade the heavens, Aurora straddles o’er the poles; there she doth unveil her skirts of green, and dances with her reds and her blues as bright as the sprites as they joyfully play. Outside the shadows of our dreams there's no magic in those moonbeams that shine a light upon our souls. When ever we lose control there's only headaches from the vine.

01-16-2011, 07:42 AM	#973
kennyc The Dank Side of the Moon Posts: 35,904 Karma: 119230421 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Denver, CO Device: Kindle2; Kindle Fire	Wonderful Geoff! Love it!

01-16-2011, 07:57 AM	#974
GeoffC Chocolate Grasshopper ... Posts: 27,599 Karma: 20821184 Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Scotland Device: Muse HD , Cybook Gen3 , Pocketbook 302 (Black) , Nexus 10: wife has PW	Thanks

01-16-2011, 09:02 AM	#975
caleb72 Indie Advocate Posts: 2,863 Karma: 18794463 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Melbourne, Australia Device: Kindle	Very very old poem I wrote when I was in high school (I think). LOVE ME LIKE A TORTURE RACK A breath of wind stirs the leaves Of the cypress trees along my grove Of memories embedded deep In my past and yet I see a beach with sunset hills Of blood red dunes Streaked with the pain of knowing You are not near. My heart is torn inside my breast And thunder storms rage in the Nightmare of your departure Leaving me in anguish and in The arms of an icy Land of indifference And rock hard torture Set me free. It's a bit hard to get across how this poem is supposed to sound as I wrote it to be read aloud a certain way. It's meant to be read like two sentences, each spoken without taking a breath. Anyway - that's an old one. Regards Caleb

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