Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 624

orlok · 08-21-2016, 06:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nate the great

The accounting system I use in place of a sense of humor was upgraded recently. It now features a bot which can write its own joke.

Parameters could do with some tweaking, methinks. Seems to be set to the dark side at present.

WT Sharpe · 08-21-2016, 09:44 AM

I got a kick out of the Firefox home screen this morning.

drjd · 08-21-2016, 01:54 PM

What is Fashion Designing?

Too many brains working on too little clothes with too many ideas on how to
cover too little areas.

John K · 08-22-2016, 11:43 PM

.

Saw a young family in the grocery store today.

If evolution really works, how come mothers and fathers have only two hands?

drjd · 08-23-2016, 07:03 AM

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who finds such a man.

PieMan597 · 08-23-2016, 01:21 PM

A son and his Dad have an intense argument and the son storms off, furious.

Before he gets out of earshot of his father, he yells "Jim Morrison was a terrible singer and an uninspired artist who never did anything worthwhile".

His father cannot believe this insolence, and screams at the top of his lungs "As long as you live in this house, you will never, EVER SLAM THE DOORS"

WT Sharpe · 08-23-2016, 06:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PieMan597

A son and his Dad have an intense argument and the son storms off, furious.

Before he gets out of earshot of his father, he yells "Jim Morrison was a terrible singer and an uninspired artist who never did anything worthwhile".

His father cannot believe this insolence, and screams at the top of his lungs "As long as you live in this house, you will never, EVER SLAM THE DOORS"

I just showed this to my 17 year old grandson, and he asked, "What was that, the name of the band?"

I think he learned that in history.

PieMan597 · 08-24-2016, 01:18 AM

Wife's Diary:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner.

I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.

Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.

I asked him what was wrong; He said, "nothing."

I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.

He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him.

He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.

Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

Husband's Diary:

A two-foot putt.. Who the hell misses a two-foot putt?

drjd · 08-24-2016, 06:12 AM

A newspaper writer, after working for 7 long years, was finally granted two months of leave, during which time he would be fully paid.

However, he turned down his boss' kind offer. The boss asked him why. The newspaper writer said there are 2 reasons.

"The first," he said "is that I thought by taking such a long leave it might affect the newspaper's circulation."

The boss asked him what is the other reason.

"The other reason," replied the writer, "is that it might NOT affect the newspaper's circulation."

Nate the great · 08-25-2016, 02:14 PM

Most people are like slinkies - they're not very useful, but they can bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.

DMcCunney · 08-25-2016, 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nate the great

Most people are like slinkies - they're not very useful, but they can bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.

Especially if your cat is watching while you do it.

______
Dennis

Nate the great · 08-25-2016, 04:45 PM

What is a dinosaur's least favorite reindeer?

A: Comet.

Nate the great · 08-25-2016, 06:33 PM

Q: Who built King Arthur's round table?

A: Sir Cumference

PieMan597 · 08-25-2016, 11:21 PM

A guy is at a prom telling a joke to his friends.

Halfway through his joke he realizes there is no punchline.

So he ditches his friends to grab a cup of punch.

WT Sharpe · 08-26-2016, 01:37 AM

I have a feeling someone might want to hurt me for posting this.

08-21-2016, 09:44 AM	#9347
WT Sharpe Bah, humbug! Posts: 39,072 Karma: 157049943 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.	I got a kick out of the Firefox home screen this morning. Attached Thumbnails

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Add from the Mobile Read Library?	danwdoo	Calibre	8	12-03-2014 07:03 PM
Good Day Eh!! :-)	Gedvondur	Introduce Yourself	12	07-22-2010 01:16 AM
Classic Is there a way to lighten the background?	rlsamson	Barnes & Noble NOOK	3	06-30-2010 05:56 PM
Read-in-Microsoft-Reader 1.1.3 add-in released	Alexander Turcic	Reading and Management	2	02-20-2006 04:47 AM

08-21-2016, 01:54 PM	#9348
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	What is Fashion Designing? Too many brains working on too little clothes with too many ideas on how to cover too little areas.

08-22-2016, 11:43 PM	#9349
John K Reader Posts: 266 Karma: 13465550 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: USA Device: Kindle DXG, Kobo Forma	. Saw a young family in the grocery store today. If evolution really works, how come mothers and fathers have only two hands?

08-23-2016, 07:03 AM	#9350
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who finds such a man.

08-23-2016, 01:21 PM	#9351
PieMan597 Still a pie Posts: 6,285 Karma: 37018654 Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: PieTown USA Device: Kindle Touch, OnePlus 7 Pro	A son and his Dad have an intense argument and the son storms off, furious. Before he gets out of earshot of his father, he yells "Jim Morrison was a terrible singer and an uninspired artist who never did anything worthwhile". His father cannot believe this insolence, and screams at the top of his lungs "As long as you live in this house, you will never, EVER SLAM THE DOORS"

08-24-2016, 01:18 AM	#9353
PieMan597 Still a pie Posts: 6,285 Karma: 37018654 Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: PieTown USA Device: Kindle Touch, OnePlus 7 Pro	Wife's Diary: Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, "nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster. Husband's Diary: A two-foot putt.. Who the hell misses a two-foot putt?

08-24-2016, 06:12 AM	#9354
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A newspaper writer, after working for 7 long years, was finally granted two months of leave, during which time he would be fully paid. However, he turned down his boss' kind offer. The boss asked him why. The newspaper writer said there are 2 reasons. "The first," he said "is that I thought by taking such a long leave it might affect the newspaper's circulation." The boss asked him what is the other reason. "The other reason," replied the writer, "is that it might NOT affect the newspaper's circulation."

08-25-2016, 02:14 PM	#9355
Nate the great Sir Penguin of Edinburgh Posts: 12,375 Karma: 23555235 Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: DC Metro area Device: Shake a stick plus 1	Most people are like slinkies - they're not very useful, but they can bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.

08-25-2016, 04:45 PM	#9357
Nate the great Sir Penguin of Edinburgh Posts: 12,375 Karma: 23555235 Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: DC Metro area Device: Shake a stick plus 1	What is a dinosaur's least favorite reindeer? A: Comet.

08-25-2016, 06:33 PM	#9358
Nate the great Sir Penguin of Edinburgh Posts: 12,375 Karma: 23555235 Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: DC Metro area Device: Shake a stick plus 1	Q: Who built King Arthur's round table? A: Sir Cumference

08-25-2016, 11:21 PM	#9359
PieMan597 Still a pie Posts: 6,285 Karma: 37018654 Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: PieTown USA Device: Kindle Touch, OnePlus 7 Pro	A guy is at a prom telling a joke to his friends. Halfway through his joke he realizes there is no punchline. So he ditches his friends to grab a cup of punch.

08-26-2016, 01:37 AM	#9360
WT Sharpe Bah, humbug! Posts: 39,072 Karma: 157049943 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.	I have a feeling someone might want to hurt me for posting this.