Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 622

orlok · 07-31-2016, 05:05 PM

Joey is passing by Mike's hay shed one day when through a gap in the door he sees Mike doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old green Massey Ferguson tractor. Buttocks clenched he performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right wellington boot, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move lets his braces fall down from his shoulders to dangle by his hips over his corduroy trousers. Grabbing both sides of his check shirt he rips it apart to reveal his tea stained vest underneath and with a final flourish he hurls his flat cap on to a pile of hay.

"What the heck are you doing Mike?" says Joey.

"Jeez Joey, you frightened the livin' whatsits out of me", says an obviously embarrassed Mike. "Me and the missus have been having some trouble lately in the bedroom department, so the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."

John K · 08-03-2016, 04:49 PM

After being married for 50 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day
and said, "Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a
sofa-bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV. But hey I got to sleep
every night with a hot 23-year-old girl.

Now ... I have a $750,000 home, a $45,000 car, a nice big bed and a large
screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 73-year-old woman. So I said to my wife
"it seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot
23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living
in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a
10-inch black and white TV.

PieMan597 · 08-03-2016, 11:52 PM

Someone hit me in the head with a bottle of omega 3 tablets the other day.

It's OK, it was just a super fish oil wound.

badgoodDeb · 08-04-2016, 01:12 AM

Groan, groan! Good one!

cromag · 08-04-2016, 01:23 AM

Oh, cod!

WT Sharpe · 08-04-2016, 12:28 PM

No. Zod.

PieMan597 · 08-04-2016, 05:58 PM

I had a goal to loose 20 pounds by the end of the year.

30 pounds to go.

timebug · 08-06-2016, 06:38 AM

Eric lost 140 pounds of unsightly fat at one
fell swoop. He left his wife.

John K · 08-06-2016, 09:33 AM

A man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.

drjd · 08-07-2016, 04:46 AM

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.

The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."

At that Statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.
"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. "I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."

"I know," said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"

drjd · 08-10-2016, 04:04 AM

Wife: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."

Husband: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."

Wife: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."

Husband: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?"

Wife: "In the pool."

Luffy · 08-11-2016, 03:34 AM

What do you get when you cross a leopard with a camel?

- A fireside rug where you can have a good hump on.

John K · 08-11-2016, 11:25 AM

I'm great at multi-tasking--I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

crich70 · 08-12-2016, 12:49 PM

"They say money talks but all mine ever says is good bye." ~ Freddy the Freeloader

drjd · 08-13-2016, 05:09 AM

Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."

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07-31-2016, 05:05 PM	#9316
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	Joey is passing by Mike's hay shed one day when through a gap in the door he sees Mike doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old green Massey Ferguson tractor. Buttocks clenched he performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right wellington boot, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move lets his braces fall down from his shoulders to dangle by his hips over his corduroy trousers. Grabbing both sides of his check shirt he rips it apart to reveal his tea stained vest underneath and with a final flourish he hurls his flat cap on to a pile of hay. "What the heck are you doing Mike?" says Joey. "Jeez Joey, you frightened the livin' whatsits out of me", says an obviously embarrassed Mike. "Me and the missus have been having some trouble lately in the bedroom department, so the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."

08-03-2016, 04:49 PM	#9317
John K Reader Posts: 266 Karma: 13465550 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: USA Device: Kindle DXG, Kobo Forma	After being married for 50 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa-bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV. But hey I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-year-old girl. Now ... I have a $750,000 home, a $45,000 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 73-year-old woman. So I said to my wife "it seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things." My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

08-03-2016, 11:52 PM	#9318
PieMan597 Still a pie Posts: 6,285 Karma: 37018654 Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: PieTown USA Device: Kindle Touch, OnePlus 7 Pro	Someone hit me in the head with a bottle of omega 3 tablets the other day. It's OK, it was just a super fish oil wound.

08-04-2016, 01:12 AM	#9319
badgoodDeb Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,575 Karma: 64462893 Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Harrisburg outskirts Device: Palms, K1-4s, iPads, iPhones, KV, KO1	Groan, groan! Good one!

08-04-2016, 01:23 AM	#9320
cromag Surfin the alpha waves ~~ Posts: 26,846 Karma: 459765791 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: New Jersey Device: Jetbook Lite & Mini, Nook STR, Kobo, Hanvon N516, Kindle 2, Androids	Oh, cod!

08-04-2016, 12:28 PM	#9321
WT Sharpe Bah, humbug! Posts: 39,072 Karma: 157049943 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.	No. Zod.

08-04-2016, 05:58 PM	#9322
PieMan597 Still a pie Posts: 6,285 Karma: 37018654 Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: PieTown USA Device: Kindle Touch, OnePlus 7 Pro	I had a goal to loose 20 pounds by the end of the year. 30 pounds to go.

08-06-2016, 06:38 AM	#9323
timebug Ancient Sage Posts: 14,585 Karma: 15493448 Join Date: Oct 2015 Location: Derby U.K. Device: Kobo Reader	Eric lost 140 pounds of unsightly fat at one fell swoop. He left his wife.

08-06-2016, 09:33 AM	#9324
John K Reader Posts: 266 Karma: 13465550 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: USA Device: Kindle DXG, Kobo Forma	A man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.

08-07-2016, 04:46 AM	#9325
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special." At that Statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it." The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. "I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said. Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account." "I know," said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"

08-10-2016, 04:04 AM	#9326
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Wife: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor." Husband: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous." Wife: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor." Husband: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?" Wife: "In the pool."

08-11-2016, 03:34 AM	#9327
Luffy Wizard Posts: 4,468 Karma: 429063498 Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: Mauritius Device: Kindle Paperwhite 4	What do you get when you cross a leopard with a camel? - A fireside rug where you can have a good hump on.

08-11-2016, 11:25 AM	#9328
John K Reader Posts: 266 Karma: 13465550 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: USA Device: Kindle DXG, Kobo Forma	I'm great at multi-tasking--I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

08-12-2016, 12:49 PM	#9329
crich70 Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,310 Karma: 43993832 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Monroe Wisconsin Device: K3, Kindle Paperwhite, Calibre, and Mobipocket for Pc (netbook)	"They say money talks but all mine ever says is good bye." ~ Freddy the Freeloader

08-13-2016, 05:09 AM	#9330
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her." "But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" God says: "So she would love you."