Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 612

WT Sharpe · 04-29-2016, 07:20 PM

cromag · 04-29-2016, 08:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

An older man, not in the best physical condition, asked the trainer in the gym, "I want to impress that beautiful girl. Which machine should I use?"
The trainer replied...

"Use the ATM machine outside the gym!"

Unless I can access his account that's not going to help.

drjd · 05-02-2016, 02:01 PM

Glorfindel · 05-03-2016, 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WT Sharpe

drjd · 05-04-2016, 06:39 AM

Joe said, "Know what, Charlie? I killed 5 flies yesterday, 3 males and 2 females."

"How could you tell them apart, Joe?" asked Charlie.

Joe replied, "That was easy. The 3 males were sitting on a case of beer and the 2 females were on the phone."

drjd · 05-06-2016, 05:16 AM

When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're running around with other women," she told her mate.

"Eve, honey, you're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You know you're the only woman on earth."

The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by a strange pain in the chest. It was his darling Eve poking him rather vigorously about the torso.

"What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.

"Counting your ribs," said Eve.

Freeshadow · 05-07-2016, 05:25 AM

http://xkcd.com/1676

WT Sharpe · 05-07-2016, 09:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Freeshadow

http://xkcd.com/1676

Snakes.

drjd · 05-09-2016, 01:45 PM

Two men were out golfing. As one was ready to take his shot, a funeral procession drove by the golf course. The man stopped what he was doing, put down his club, and took off his hat and placed it over his heart.

His partner was moved by this and said, "That's the nicest thing I've even seen you do!"

The man looked back at him and said, "Well, that's the least I could do after 30 years of marriage..."

orlok · 05-10-2016, 07:01 PM

I crossed the road, walked into a bar, and changed a lightbulb.

Then I realized that my life was a joke...

Bookpossum · 05-10-2016, 09:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

I crossed the road, walked into a bar, and changed a lightbulb.

Then I realized that my life was a joke...

Theoretical karma to you, as I'm not allowed to give you any more just yet.

samhy · 05-11-2016, 06:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bookpossum

Theoretical karma to you, as I'm not allowed to give you any more just yet.

Same here

drjd · 05-11-2016, 07:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

I crossed the road, walked into a bar, and changed a lightbulb.

Then I realized that my life was a joke...

drjd · 05-12-2016, 07:51 AM

During the banquet celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.

"Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?"

Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness, and many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single in the first place."

Bookpossum · 05-12-2016, 08:43 AM

I read this one out to my husband and he laughed too. And we haven't got to 40 years yet!

05-07-2016, 05:25 AM	#9172
Freeshadow temp. out of service Posts: 2,818 Karma: 24285242 Join Date: May 2010 Location: Duisburg (DE) Device: PB 623	It's too much on topic with the forum to be omitted http://xkcd.com/1676

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04-29-2016, 07:20 PM	#9166
WT Sharpe Bah, humbug! Posts: 39,072 Karma: 157049943 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.

05-02-2016, 02:01 PM	#9168
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta

05-04-2016, 06:39 AM	#9170
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Joe said, "Know what, Charlie? I killed 5 flies yesterday, 3 males and 2 females." "How could you tell them apart, Joe?" asked Charlie. Joe replied, "That was easy. The 3 males were sitting on a case of beer and the 2 females were on the phone."

05-06-2016, 05:16 AM	#9171
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're running around with other women," she told her mate. "Eve, honey, you're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You know you're the only woman on earth." The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by a strange pain in the chest. It was his darling Eve poking him rather vigorously about the torso. "What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded. "Counting your ribs," said Eve.

05-09-2016, 01:45 PM	#9174
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Two men were out golfing. As one was ready to take his shot, a funeral procession drove by the golf course. The man stopped what he was doing, put down his club, and took off his hat and placed it over his heart. His partner was moved by this and said, "That's the nicest thing I've even seen you do!" The man looked back at him and said, "Well, that's the least I could do after 30 years of marriage..."

05-10-2016, 07:01 PM	#9175
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	I crossed the road, walked into a bar, and changed a lightbulb. Then I realized that my life was a joke...

05-12-2016, 07:51 AM	#9179
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	During the banquet celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. "Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?" Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness, and many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single in the first place."

05-12-2016, 08:43 AM	#9180
Bookpossum Snoozing in the sun Posts: 10,146 Karma: 115423645 Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Melbourne, Australia Device: iPad Mini, Kobo Touch	I read this one out to my husband and he laughed too. And we haven't got to 40 years yet!