Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 61

pilotbob · 03-19-2010, 02:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wetdogeared

[whine]BOb, pshrynky's being mean again. [/whine]

pshrynk... stop being mean or I will have to ban you.

you have been warned...

BOb

yvanleterrible · 03-19-2010, 02:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pilotbob

pshrynk... stop being mean or I will have to ban you.

you have been warned...

BOb

... says he, holding a # 3 wood...

kennyc · 03-19-2010, 02:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wetdogeared

Two days late...

A frog goes into a bank and

approaches the teller. He

....
"It's a knickknack, Patty

Whack. Give the frog a loan,

His old man's a Rolling

Stone."

I'll give it the ol' college GROAN!

LCF · 03-19-2010, 03:02 PM

You might want to include some spoiler like "if you're not a native English speaker, blow a seal means...."
or "the joke about the rolling stone refers to...."
That would be really helpful

CyGuy · 03-19-2010, 03:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LCF

You might want to include some spoiler like "if you're not a native English speaker, blow a seal means...."

Spoiler for the penguin joke, for non-native English speakers: The mechanic was simply explaining that there was an oil leak which caused the oil light to come on. The source of the leak appeared to be one of the many seals on a typical automotive engine: Front crank seal, rear main seal, etc. As for the ice cream, well, the penguin must have misunderstood the mechanic and assumed that he was referring to the white creamy substance all over his face, and that the source of said white creamy substance may have been caused by performing fellatio on a seal (the actual animal).

Sorry moderators, hope that was politically correct enough

Lycoming · 03-19-2010, 03:35 PM

I thought he meant ......

Mexican Navy Seal.

LCF · 03-19-2010, 03:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CyGuy

Spoiler for the penguin joke, for non-native English speakers:

Ok, after this my opinion on the joke is:

Thanks GyGuy!
Sorry moderators, hope that was politically correct enough

Ok, after this my opinion on the joke is:

Thanks CyGuy!

WT Sharpe · 03-19-2010, 04:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wetdogeared

"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."[/COLOR][/SIZE][/CENTER]

A groaner, but a great one! Thanks, Wetdogeared!

pilotbob · 03-19-2010, 04:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yvanleterrible

... says he, holding a # 3 wood...

that's ok, I have a Big Birtha Driver....

BOb

CyGuy · 03-19-2010, 05:00 PM

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”

The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

CyGuy · 03-19-2010, 05:03 PM

What do you call a monkey in a minefield ?

A Baboom !

kennyc · 03-19-2010, 05:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CyGuy

What do you call a monkey in a minefield ?

A Baboom !

Javed · 03-20-2010, 08:33 AM

This is the lyrics of a parody song called "Your Gym Socks Smell Too Much" written by 2Eagle. (Original song is "Sometimes when we touch' sung by Dan Hill). I thought this would be the most appropriate thread for it.

You tell me do your laundry and I gag on your request,
I might as well set fire to it - that putrid, stinking mess!
Who am I to make a fuss when I'm catering to you?
I'm your mother doing what I'm just supposed to do.

And your gym socks smell too much -
Impossible to touch,
And I want to hold my nose and hide!
The fumes could make me die -
It brings water to my eyes -
I hold my breath until the nausea subsides.

Housework and dirty laundry seem to be my lot in life -
But through all the monotony creativity survives.
I'm just another genius still buried in dishpans -
A dormant novelist who's awash with garbage cans.

'Cause your gym socks smell too much -
Impossible to touch -
And I have to hold my nose and hide!
I'll grin and bear it 'till I die -
It'll be eternity -
"Till you grow up and learn to do your own laundry!

Why must I always ground you until you clean your room?
You've outgrown wearing diapers, so what's making all those fumes?
I find your dirty underwear just by following my nose -
I think you got so dirty just by planting me a rose.
Sometimes I think you trust me and you think that I'm your friend -
A mother - not a laundress then aggravation flares again!

Your gym socks smell too much -
Impossible to touch -
And it makes me want to curse and swear!
Do you see that washer there -
In that little room downstairs?
Learn to use it the way you learned to drive your car!

Lady Blue · 03-23-2010, 01:56 PM

As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus..

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.

Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled,'How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!'

The Texan smiled and drawled, 'Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.'

WT Sharpe · 03-23-2010, 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lady Blue

As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus..

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.

Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled,'How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!'

The Texan smiled and drawled, 'Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.'

I saw it coming and still laughed out loud! Thanks!

03-20-2010, 08:33 AM	#913
Javed Grand Sorcerer Posts: 10,270 Karma: 1126878541 Join Date: Oct 2009 Device: Astak Pocket PRO, iPod Touch, PRS-650	Your Gym Socks Smell Too Much This is the lyrics of a parody song called "Your Gym Socks Smell Too Much" written by 2Eagle. (Original song is "Sometimes when we touch' sung by Dan Hill). I thought this would be the most appropriate thread for it. You tell me do your laundry and I gag on your request, I might as well set fire to it - that putrid, stinking mess! Who am I to make a fuss when I'm catering to you? I'm your mother doing what I'm just supposed to do. And your gym socks smell too much - Impossible to touch, And I want to hold my nose and hide! The fumes could make me die - It brings water to my eyes - I hold my breath until the nausea subsides. Housework and dirty laundry seem to be my lot in life - But through all the monotony creativity survives. I'm just another genius still buried in dishpans - A dormant novelist who's awash with garbage cans. 'Cause your gym socks smell too much - Impossible to touch - And I have to hold my nose and hide! I'll grin and bear it 'till I die - It'll be eternity - "Till you grow up and learn to do your own laundry! Why must I always ground you until you clean your room? You've outgrown wearing diapers, so what's making all those fumes? I find your dirty underwear just by following my nose - I think you got so dirty just by planting me a rose. Sometimes I think you trust me and you think that I'm your friend - A mother - not a laundress then aggravation flares again! Your gym socks smell too much - Impossible to touch - And it makes me want to curse and swear! Do you see that washer there - In that little room downstairs? Learn to use it the way you learned to drive your car!

03-23-2010, 01:56 PM	#914
Lady Blue the snarky blue one Posts: 6,001 Karma: 3877825 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: deep in the heart Device: PRS500, 505 & 600, PRST1 & T2, Kindle PW, Moto Razr, Galaxy Tab 2-10"	Skirt Zipper As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled,'How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!' The Texan smiled and drawled, 'Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.'

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03-19-2010, 03:02 PM	#904
LCF Wizard Posts: 1,472 Karma: 9795311 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Germany Device: Hanlin V3 (LBook), GS3	You might want to include some spoiler like "if you're not a native English speaker, blow a seal means...." or "the joke about the rolling stone refers to...." That would be really helpful

03-19-2010, 03:35 PM	#906
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	I thought he meant ...... Mexican Navy Seal.

03-19-2010, 05:00 PM	#910
CyGuy Avid Reader Posts: 769 Karma: 7777778 Join Date: Aug 2009 Device: PocketBook 902, Galaxy Tab 2 7.0, ASUS TF700, and Cybook Gen III	A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

03-19-2010, 05:03 PM	#911
CyGuy Avid Reader Posts: 769 Karma: 7777778 Join Date: Aug 2009 Device: PocketBook 902, Galaxy Tab 2 7.0, ASUS TF700, and Cybook Gen III	What do you call a monkey in a minefield ? A Baboom !