Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 608

PoP · 03-10-2016, 06:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

it has to be sin g/cos g.

Sohcahtoa! this is called failing a joke. I stand corrected.

drjd · 03-10-2016, 11:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PoP

Sohcahtoa! this is called failing a joke. I stand corrected.

The two men stood on the lonely lighthouse. Through the fog they could see a small boat making its way toward them, with a lonely occupant.

Suddenly a squall lifted the craft and tossed the man into the water. They sprang into action. Hurriedly they launched their own craft and fought their way through perilous and treacherous waters to reach the man. At last they got him aboard.

"It's a good thing you rescued me," the dripping man said gratefully. "I was coming out to see you about your income tax."

John K · 03-10-2016, 06:42 PM

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drjd · 03-11-2016, 06:38 AM

A man with a piece of paper in his hand comes into an office where another man is sitting next to a shredding machine.

"Do you know how to operate this thing?" he asks. "I have an important paper here and I want to make sure this is done right."

"Sure," the other man answers. "Just put the paper in here and press this button."

The first man does so, saying, "Great. And where do the copies come out?"

Fbone · 03-12-2016, 12:54 AM

Q: What did one hat say to another?

Spoiler:

drjd · 03-12-2016, 04:47 AM

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the employee,

"Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are...very slowly?"

The employee leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing."

Fbone · 03-13-2016, 08:36 PM

The importance of punctuation:

An English teacher wrote these words on the whiteboard, "Woman without her man is nothing." The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly. The men wrote, "Woman, without her man, is nothing." The women wrote, "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."

drjd · 03-14-2016, 07:08 AM

Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was making her rounds. She was visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas.

As luck would have it, a gas station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned.

Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient.

Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.

As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said, “If it starts, I'm becoming Catholic.”

drjd · 03-15-2016, 02:34 PM

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the driver, he was astounded to see that the woman behind the wheel was knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn, and yelled, PULLOVER!"

"NO," the woman yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

Fbone · 03-15-2016, 09:12 PM

What is the difference between a teacher and a train?

The teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Chew chew!"

drjd · 03-16-2016, 05:53 AM

Son: Dad, l got selected for a role in a play for annual day!
Dad: What role are you playing?
Son: A Husband!
Dad: Stupid, ask for a speaking part.

drjd · 03-17-2016, 11:20 AM

Man outside phone booth:
“Excuse me you have been holding the phone for 29 minutes and you haven’t spoken a word.”

Man inside: “I am talking to my Wife”

drjd · 03-18-2016, 10:02 AM

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep, but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily, he reached across, held her hand for a second, then tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me."

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck."

Angrily, he threw back the sheets and got out of bed.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"To get my teeth!"

yvanleterrible · 03-18-2016, 05:40 PM

I thought this joke was going to turn into a vampire thing.

John K · 03-19-2016, 11:56 AM

Dilbert's Salary Theorem states that Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as business executives and sales people. This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:

Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.

As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time

Since: Knowledge = Power,
then Knowledge = Work/Time,
and Time = Money,
then Knowledge = Work/Money.

Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge.

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.

Conclusion: The less you know, the more you make.

03-12-2016, 12:54 AM	#9110
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,298 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Q: What did one hat say to another? Spoiler: A: You stay here, I’ll go on a head.

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03-10-2016, 06:42 PM	#9108
John K Reader Posts: 266 Karma: 13465550 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: USA Device: Kindle DXG, Kobo Forma

03-11-2016, 06:38 AM	#9109
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A man with a piece of paper in his hand comes into an office where another man is sitting next to a shredding machine. "Do you know how to operate this thing?" he asks. "I have an important paper here and I want to make sure this is done right." "Sure," the other man answers. "Just put the paper in here and press this button." The first man does so, saying, "Great. And where do the copies come out?"

03-12-2016, 04:47 AM	#9111
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are...very slowly?" The employee leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing."

03-13-2016, 08:36 PM	#9112
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,298 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	The importance of punctuation: An English teacher wrote these words on the whiteboard, "Woman without her man is nothing." The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly. The men wrote, "Woman, without her man, is nothing." The women wrote, "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."

03-14-2016, 07:08 AM	#9113
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was making her rounds. She was visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a gas station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car. As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said, “If it starts, I'm becoming Catholic.”

03-15-2016, 02:34 PM	#9114
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the driver, he was astounded to see that the woman behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn, and yelled, PULLOVER!" "NO," the woman yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

03-15-2016, 09:12 PM	#9115
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,298 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	What is the difference between a teacher and a train? The teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Chew chew!"

03-16-2016, 05:53 AM	#9116
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Son: Dad, l got selected for a role in a play for annual day! Dad: What role are you playing? Son: A Husband! Dad: Stupid, ask for a speaking part.

03-17-2016, 11:20 AM	#9117
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Man outside phone booth: “Excuse me you have been holding the phone for 29 minutes and you haven’t spoken a word.” Man inside: “I am talking to my Wife”

03-18-2016, 10:02 AM	#9118
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep, but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily, he reached across, held her hand for a second, then tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck." Angrily, he threw back the sheets and got out of bed. "Where are you going?" she asked. "To get my teeth!"

03-18-2016, 05:40 PM	#9119
yvanleterrible Reborn Paper User Posts: 8,616 Karma: 15446734 Join Date: May 2006 Location: Que Nada Device: iPhone8, iPad Air	I thought this joke was going to turn into a vampire thing.

03-19-2016, 11:56 AM	#9120
John K Reader Posts: 266 Karma: 13465550 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: USA Device: Kindle DXG, Kobo Forma	Dilbert's Salary Theorem states that Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as business executives and sales people. This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates: Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power. Postulate 2: Time is Money. As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time Since: Knowledge = Power, then Knowledge = Work/Time, and Time = Money, then Knowledge = Work/Money. Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge. Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done. Conclusion: The less you know, the more you make.