Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 607

drjd · 03-02-2016, 05:08 AM

A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."

Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."

The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"

She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."

drjd · 03-03-2016, 06:58 AM

During a dinner party, the hosts' two little children entered the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table.

The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going. The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening. After going all the way around the room, the children left, and there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard to say....

"You see, it IS vanishing cream!"

Fbone · 03-03-2016, 09:17 PM

Q: Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil?

Spoiler:

drjd · 03-04-2016, 04:04 AM

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!'

'Heck,' said Herman, 'It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!'

drjd · 03-05-2016, 05:50 AM

A woman phones up her husband at work for a chat.

HIM "I'm sorry dear but I'm up to my neck in work today."

HER "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you dear."

HIM "OK darling, but as I've got no time now, just give me the good news."

HER "Well, the air bag works."

orlok · 03-05-2016, 06:53 AM

A truckdriver saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over. "No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck."

The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly the driver saw a lawyer he recognised, from court, when he received a fine once, walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. But he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back away, narrowly missing the lawyer. But even though he was sure he missed the lawyer he still heard a loud "THUMP". He glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer."

"That's okay," replied the priest. "I got him with the door!"

Fbone · 03-05-2016, 08:41 PM

Q: What did the grape say when it was stepped on?

Spoiler:

Bookpossum · 03-05-2016, 10:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

Q: What did the grape say when it was stepped on?

Spoiler:

Groan!

drjd · 03-06-2016, 02:50 AM

Dear Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you like you can $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love, Your $on.

*****************************************

Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even a hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love, Dad.

drjd · 03-07-2016, 10:48 AM

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself 'I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went Through a red light.'

After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, She turned to the other woman and said, 'Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!'

Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh, crap, am I driving?'

drjd · 03-08-2016, 01:16 PM

Two elderly ladies have been friends for many decades. Over the years, they partook in many activities and adventures together. Lately, their activities have been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day when they were playing cards, one looked at the other and said: "Now don't get mad at me - I know we've been friends for a long time but I just can't think of your name. I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

drjd · 03-09-2016, 06:51 AM

International Women's Day Special:

Men are like a pack of Cards:
A "heart" to love them
A "diamond" to marry them
A "club" to smack them and
A "spade" to bury the body...

orlok · 03-09-2016, 03:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

International Women's Day Special:

Men are like a pack of Cards:
A "heart" to love them
A "diamond" to marry them
A "club" to smack them and
A "spade" to bury the body...

Asking for trouble...

.

PoP · 03-09-2016, 03:04 PM

Thirsty math students prefer sin g ⁄ cos g

Spoiler:

drjd · 03-10-2016, 01:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PoP

Thirsty math students prefer cos 𝒈 ⁄ sin 𝒈

Spoiler:

great formula! But if they taught me right at University, it has to be sin g/cos g.

03-03-2016, 09:17 PM	#9093
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,298 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Q: Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil? Spoiler: A: Because it’s pointless!

03-05-2016, 08:41 PM	#9097
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,298 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Q: What did the grape say when it was stepped on? Spoiler: A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

03-09-2016, 03:04 PM	#9104
PoP curly᷂͓̫̙᷊̥̮̾ͯͤͭͬͦͨ ʎʌɹnɔ Posts: 3,018 Karma: 50506927 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: ♁ ᴺ₄₅°₃₀' ᵂ₇₃°₃₇' ±₆₀" Device: K3₃.₄.₃ PW3&4₅.₁₃.₃	Thirsty math students prefer sin g ⁄ cos g Spoiler: Spoiler: Spoiler: tan g Last edited by PoP; 03-10-2016 at 06:25 AM. Reason: corrected formula, thanks drjd!

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03-02-2016, 05:08 AM	#9091
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."

03-03-2016, 06:58 AM	#9092
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	During a dinner party, the hosts' two little children entered the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table. The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going. The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening. After going all the way around the room, the children left, and there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard to say.... "You see, it IS vanishing cream!"

03-04-2016, 04:04 AM	#9094
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!' 'Heck,' said Herman, 'It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!'

03-05-2016, 05:50 AM	#9095
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A woman phones up her husband at work for a chat. HIM "I'm sorry dear but I'm up to my neck in work today." HER "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you dear." HIM "OK darling, but as I've got no time now, just give me the good news." HER "Well, the air bag works."

03-05-2016, 06:53 AM	#9096
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	A truckdriver saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over. "No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck." The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly the driver saw a lawyer he recognised, from court, when he received a fine once, walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. But he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back away, narrowly missing the lawyer. But even though he was sure he missed the lawyer he still heard a loud "THUMP". He glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer." "That's okay," replied the priest. "I got him with the door!"

03-06-2016, 02:50 AM	#9099
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Dear Dad, $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you like you can $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on. ***************************************** Dear Son, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even a hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh. Love, Dad.

03-07-2016, 10:48 AM	#9100
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself 'I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went Through a red light.' After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, She turned to the other woman and said, 'Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!' Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh, crap, am I driving?'

03-08-2016, 01:16 PM	#9101
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Two elderly ladies have been friends for many decades. Over the years, they partook in many activities and adventures together. Lately, their activities have been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day when they were playing cards, one looked at the other and said: "Now don't get mad at me - I know we've been friends for a long time but I just can't think of your name. I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

03-09-2016, 06:51 AM	#9102
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	International Women's Day Special: Men are like a pack of Cards: A "heart" to love them A "diamond" to marry them A "club" to smack them and A "spade" to bury the body...