Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 606

PeterT · 02-26-2016, 07:37 PM

What word best describes the action of the bull who ate a stick of dynamite to protect the herd?

Spoiler:

What is the name of the best selling book written by a cow after the demise of the bull?

Spoiler:

Fbone · 02-26-2016, 09:05 PM

What is Mozart doing right now?

Spoiler:

drjd · 02-27-2016, 04:17 AM

Bulls and Mozart .. haha ..

drjd · 02-27-2016, 05:42 AM

It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection.

Traffic quickly piled up in all directions, so a woman rushed to help him.

When she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside, and said, "It's all right honey, I've had a course in first aid."

The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man's pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration.

At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said, "When you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm already here."

PoP · 02-27-2016, 03:15 PM

I called my salamander «tiny» because she is my newt.

Spoiler:

Fbone · 02-27-2016, 04:48 PM

Q: Why did the scarecrow get promoted?

Spoiler:

drjd · 02-28-2016, 05:18 AM

A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning.
He said, "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn comes to your mind."

The pastor shouted out, "Cross!" Immediately the congregation started singing, in unison, "The Old Rugged Cross."

The pastor hollered out, "Grace!" The congregation began to sing "Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound..."

The pastor said, "Power." The congregation sang "There Is Power in the Blood."

The Pastor said, "Sex." The congregation fell in total silence. Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other, afraid to say anything.

Then all of a sudden, way from in the back of the church, a little old 87-year-old grandmother stood up and began to sing "Precious Memories."

drjd · 02-29-2016, 04:17 AM

The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of an enormous forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane.

"It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor.

As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air.

"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes."

"Why?" asked the pilot.

"Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation and impatience.

After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?"

badgoodDeb · 02-29-2016, 01:55 PM

What word best describes the action of the bull who ate a stick of dynamite to protect the herd? (second take)

Spoiler:

PeterT · 02-29-2016, 07:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by badgoodDeb

What word best describes the action of the bull who ate a stick of dynamite to protect the herd? (second take)

Spoiler:

ARGH... I'd forgotten that one!

Fbone · 03-01-2016, 12:51 AM

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.

drjd · 03-01-2016, 08:43 AM

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool …

After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'

'No,' he replied painfully, 'Arthritis.'

Xenophon · 03-01-2016, 01:29 PM

Did you hear about the accident at the airport... No?? Well, this woman backed into a propeller!

Spoiler:

badgoodDeb · 03-01-2016, 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xenophon

Did you hear about the accident at the airport... No?? Well, this woman backed into a propeller!

Spoiler:

She got a little behind in her work, did she?

Fbone · 03-01-2016, 09:46 PM

A man is telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me $4000, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."

"Really?" answers the neighbor. "What kind is it?"

"12:30."

02-26-2016, 07:37 PM	#9076
PeterT Grand Sorcerer Posts: 13,578 Karma: 79436940 Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Toronto Device: Libra H2O, Libra Colour	What word best describes the action of the bull who ate a stick of dynamite to protect the herd? Spoiler: No-Bull Spoiler: noble What is the name of the best selling book written by a cow after the demise of the bull? Spoiler: Bye-Bull Spoiler: Bible

02-26-2016, 09:05 PM	#9077
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,298 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	What is Mozart doing right now? Spoiler: Decomposing.

02-27-2016, 03:15 PM	#9080
PoP curly᷂͓̫̙᷊̥̮̾ͯͤͭͬͦͨ ʎʌɹnɔ Posts: 3,018 Karma: 50506927 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: ♁ ᴺ₄₅°₃₀' ᵂ₇₃°₃₇' ±₆₀" Device: K3₃.₄.₃ PW3&4₅.₁₃.₃	I called my salamander «tiny» because she is my newt. Spoiler: mi•nute

02-27-2016, 04:48 PM	#9081
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,298 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Q: Why did the scarecrow get promoted? Spoiler: A: Because he was outstanding in his field.

02-29-2016, 01:55 PM	#9084
badgoodDeb Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,555 Karma: 64462893 Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Harrisburg outskirts Device: Palms, K1-4s, iPads, iPhones, KV, KO1	What word best describes the action of the bull who ate a stick of dynamite to protect the herd? (second take) Spoiler: Abominable

02-27-2016, 04:17 AM	#9078
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Bulls and Mozart .. haha ..

02-27-2016, 05:42 AM	#9079
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection. Traffic quickly piled up in all directions, so a woman rushed to help him. When she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside, and said, "It's all right honey, I've had a course in first aid." The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man's pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration. At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said, "When you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm already here."

02-28-2016, 05:18 AM	#9082
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning. He said, "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn comes to your mind." The pastor shouted out, "Cross!" Immediately the congregation started singing, in unison, "The Old Rugged Cross." The pastor hollered out, "Grace!" The congregation began to sing "Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound..." The pastor said, "Power." The congregation sang "There Is Power in the Blood." The Pastor said, "Sex." The congregation fell in total silence. Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other, afraid to say anything. Then all of a sudden, way from in the back of the church, a little old 87-year-old grandmother stood up and began to sing "Precious Memories."

02-29-2016, 04:17 AM	#9083
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of an enormous forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane. "It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor. As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air. "Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation and impatience. After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?"

03-01-2016, 12:51 AM	#9086
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,298 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.

03-01-2016, 08:43 AM	#9087
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool … After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?' 'No,' he replied painfully, 'Arthritis.'

03-01-2016, 01:29 PM	#9088
Xenophon curmudgeon Posts: 1,487 Karma: 5748190 Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Redwood City, CA USA Device: Kobo Aura HD, (ex)nook, (ex)PRS-700, (ex)PRS-500	Did you hear about the accident at the airport... No?? Well, this woman backed into a propeller! Spoiler: Disaster!

03-01-2016, 09:46 PM	#9090
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,298 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	A man is telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me $4000, but it's state of the art. It's perfect." "Really?" answers the neighbor. "What kind is it?" "12:30."

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