Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 605

Fbone · 02-23-2016, 08:56 PM

Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

A: It's okay. He woke up.

drjd · 02-24-2016, 10:45 AM

As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, "Anyone here know how to pray?"

One man stepped forward. "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray."

"Good," said the captain, "You pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets. We're one short."

Fbone · 02-24-2016, 03:41 PM

A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you."

The man replies, "Boobs!"

HomeInMyShoes · 02-24-2016, 03:54 PM

P1: Knock Knock
P2: Who's There
P3: Interrupting Cow
P4: Interrupt....
P5: MOOOOOOOOO!!!!

The first time I told my son this one it was the laughs so hard he couldn't breath.

badgoodDeb · 02-24-2016, 03:57 PM

( How young is the son?

)

HomeInMyShoes · 02-24-2016, 04:00 PM

Five. It's a great age for the developing sense of humor. Physical comedy is definitely king.

drjd · 02-25-2016, 04:50 AM

A gentleman wandered around the campus of a college looking for the library. He approached a student and asked, "Excuse me, young man. Would you be good enough to tell me where the library is at?"

The student, in a very arrogant and belittling tone, replied, "I'm sorry, sir, but at this school, we are taught never to end a sentence with a preposition!"

The gentleman smiled, and in a very apologetic tone, he replied, "I beg your pardon. Please allow me to rephrase my question. Would you be good enough to tell me where the library is at, dummy?"

PoP · 02-25-2016, 01:57 PM

After spending his life studying the biological mechanisms that allow salamanders to regrow a lost limb, a mad scientist finally announced that using stem cells he had been able to regrow the amputated leg of a human!

When interviewed, his patient commented that the process had been a complete success, though for the rest of his life he could only eat flies.

Fbone · 02-25-2016, 07:44 PM

If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner of a room for a while. They're normally around 90 degrees.

drjd · 02-26-2016, 06:06 AM

Two men were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.

Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost!

What are you doing working here so late at night?"

"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

WT Sharpe · 02-26-2016, 07:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner of a room for a while. They're normally around 90 degrees.

I can't believe I had to think about that for a minute.

Bilbo1967 · 02-26-2016, 09:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HomeInMyShoes

P1: Knock Knock
P2: Who's There
P3: Interrupting Cow
P4: Interrupt....
P5: MOOOOOOOOO!!!!

The first time I told my son this one it was the laughs so hard he couldn't breath.

On yes, we had a great time with that one too, substituting different animals for the cow.

P1: Knock Knock
P2: Who's There
P1: Interrupting sheep
P2: Interrupt....
P1: BAAAAAAAAA!!!

Until my son tried the interrupting newt and we realised we had no idea what noise a newt makes

HomeInMyShoes · 02-26-2016, 11:05 AM

We've substituted cars, trucks, planes, sheeps, goats, even things that don't normally make noises.

Don't worry WT Sharpe, I had to think about that one for more than a couple of moments.

drjd · 02-26-2016, 11:25 AM

Jane calls the doctor in a panic. "Doctor, doctor! My little Jimmy swallowed a dozen aspirin. What should I do?"
The doctor asked Jane, "Are you sure it was a dozen?"
The frantic mother says, "Absolutely! Doctor, I'm scared to death!"
The doctor tells the mother, "Calm down. Is little Jimmy crying?"
Jane says "No."
"Is he sleeping?" asks the doctor.
"No." says Jimmy's mom.
The doctor goes on with routine questions, "Is his colour funny?"
Again Jane says "No."
"Did Jimmy throw up?" asks the methodical doctor.
"No." says the worried mom. "But I'm so scared. All that aspirin...shouldn't I do something?"
To which the doctor says, "Try giving him a headache."

WT Sharpe · 02-26-2016, 07:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bilbo1967

On yes, we had a great time with that one too, substituting different animals for the cow.

P1: Knock Knock
P2: Who's There
P1: Interrupting sheep
P2: Interrupt....
P1: BAAAAAAAAA!!!

Until my son tried the interrupting newt and we realised we had no idea what noise a newt makes

That reminds me of a Carnac the Magnificent segment from the Johnny Carson days of the Tonight Show.

Carnac takes the envelope and holds it to his forehead to psychically divine the answer to the question hidden within, then says:

"SIS BOOM BAH."

Ed McMahon repeats the answer, "Sis boom bah."

The envelope is opened and Carnac reads the question:

"Describe the sound made by exploding sheep."

Quote:

Originally Posted by HomeInMyShoes

We've substituted cars, trucks, planes, sheeps, goats, even things that don't normally make noises.

Don't worry WT Sharpe, I had to think about that one for more than a couple of moments.

02-25-2016, 01:57 PM	#9068
PoP curly᷂͓̫̙᷊̥̮̾ͯͤͭͬͦͨ ʎʌɹnɔ Posts: 3,018 Karma: 50506927 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: ♁ ᴺ₄₅°₃₀' ᵂ₇₃°₃₇' ±₆₀" Device: K3₃.₄.₃ PW3&4₅.₁₃.₃	breakthrough After spending his life studying the biological mechanisms that allow salamanders to regrow a lost limb, a mad scientist finally announced that using stem cells he had been able to regrow the amputated leg of a human! When interviewed, his patient commented that the process had been a complete success, though for the rest of his life he could only eat flies.

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02-23-2016, 08:56 PM	#9061
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,298 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? A: It's okay. He woke up.

02-24-2016, 10:45 AM	#9062
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, "Anyone here know how to pray?" One man stepped forward. "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray." "Good," said the captain, "You pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets. We're one short."

02-24-2016, 03:41 PM	#9063
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,298 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!"

02-24-2016, 03:54 PM	#9064
HomeInMyShoes Grand Sorcerer Posts: 19,226 Karma: 67780237 Join Date: Jul 2011 Device: none	P1: Knock Knock P2: Who's There P3: Interrupting Cow P4: Interrupt.... P5: MOOOOOOOOO!!!! The first time I told my son this one it was the laughs so hard he couldn't breath.

02-24-2016, 03:57 PM	#9065
badgoodDeb Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,555 Karma: 64462893 Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Harrisburg outskirts Device: Palms, K1-4s, iPads, iPhones, KV, KO1	( How young is the son? )

02-24-2016, 04:00 PM	#9066
HomeInMyShoes Grand Sorcerer Posts: 19,226 Karma: 67780237 Join Date: Jul 2011 Device: none	Five. It's a great age for the developing sense of humor. Physical comedy is definitely king.

02-25-2016, 04:50 AM	#9067
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A gentleman wandered around the campus of a college looking for the library. He approached a student and asked, "Excuse me, young man. Would you be good enough to tell me where the library is at?" The student, in a very arrogant and belittling tone, replied, "I'm sorry, sir, but at this school, we are taught never to end a sentence with a preposition!" The gentleman smiled, and in a very apologetic tone, he replied, "I beg your pardon. Please allow me to rephrase my question. Would you be good enough to tell me where the library is at, dummy?"

02-25-2016, 07:44 PM	#9069
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,298 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner of a room for a while. They're normally around 90 degrees.

02-26-2016, 06:06 AM	#9070
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Two men were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. "Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?" "Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

02-26-2016, 11:05 AM	#9073
HomeInMyShoes Grand Sorcerer Posts: 19,226 Karma: 67780237 Join Date: Jul 2011 Device: none	We've substituted cars, trucks, planes, sheeps, goats, even things that don't normally make noises. Don't worry WT Sharpe, I had to think about that one for more than a couple of moments.

02-26-2016, 11:25 AM	#9074
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Jane calls the doctor in a panic. "Doctor, doctor! My little Jimmy swallowed a dozen aspirin. What should I do?" The doctor asked Jane, "Are you sure it was a dozen?" The frantic mother says, "Absolutely! Doctor, I'm scared to death!" The doctor tells the mother, "Calm down. Is little Jimmy crying?" Jane says "No." "Is he sleeping?" asks the doctor. "No." says Jimmy's mom. The doctor goes on with routine questions, "Is his colour funny?" Again Jane says "No." "Did Jimmy throw up?" asks the methodical doctor. "No." says the worried mom. "But I'm so scared. All that aspirin...shouldn't I do something?" To which the doctor says, "Try giving him a headache."