Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 602

alansplace · 02-03-2016, 10:39 AM

Fbone · 02-03-2016, 05:51 PM

People are making end-of-the-world jokes like there is no tomorrow.

drjd · 02-04-2016, 05:38 AM

All of his life George from Cape Breton had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that day, they'd walk across the lake to the boat club for their first legal drink.

So when George's 21st birthday came around, he and his pal Corky took a boat out to the middle of the lake. George stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned! Corky just managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, George went to see his grandmother. "Grandma, it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?"

Granny looked into George's eyes and said, "Because your father, grandfather and great grandfather were born in January, and you were born in July."

Fbone · 02-04-2016, 09:51 PM

I've put something aside for a rainy day. It's an umbrella.

crich70 · 02-04-2016, 10:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wodin

We also have separate names for my cat, I call her "Kitty Girl" but I can't say what she calls her on a family oriented forum.

crich70 · 02-04-2016, 10:43 PM

Did you hear about the scientist who did some experiments in cloning? He ended up arguing with himself.

drjd · 02-05-2016, 02:03 AM

While two families were waiting in line to see the Washington Monument, their two 5-year-old boys were getting acquainted.

"My name is Joshua. What's yours?" asked the first boy.

"Adam," replied the second.

"My daddy is a doctor. What does YOUR daddy do for a living?" asked Joshua.

Adam proudly replied, "My daddy is a lawyer."

"Honest?" asked Joshua.

"No, just the regular kind," replied Adam.

alansplace · 02-05-2016, 07:48 PM

cromag · 02-05-2016, 08:22 PM

You'll need to click over to GoComics to view this, but I laughed.

http://www.gocomics.com/speedbump/2016/02/05

John K · 02-05-2016, 08:50 PM

Daffynitions ~

1. Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.

2. Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do.

3. Bernadette: The act of torching a mortgage,

4. Burglarize: What a crook sees with,

5. Control: A short, ugly inmate.

6. Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.

7. Eclipse: What an English barber does for a living.

8. Eyedropper: A clumsy ophthalmologist.

9. Heroes: What a guy in a boat does.

10. Left Bank : What the robber did when his bag was full of loot.

11. Misty: How golfers create divots.

12. Paradox: Two physicians

13. Parasites: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower

14. Pharmacist: A helper on the farm.

15. Polarize: What penguins see with.

16. Primate: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.

17. Relief: What trees do in the spring.

18. Rubberneck: What you do to relax your wife.

19. Seamstress: Describes 250 pounds in a size 6.

20. Selfish: What the owner of a seafood store does.

21. Sudafed: Brought litigation against a government official.

22. Subdued: like a guy, like works on one of those, like, submarines, man!

alansplace · 02-06-2016, 12:05 AM

Fbone · 02-06-2016, 01:53 AM

It's ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.

drjd · 02-06-2016, 03:39 AM

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.

The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

"Miss Beatrice", he said. "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.

"Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter?"

Fbone · 02-06-2016, 07:35 PM

I thought I was just really tired but it's been 5 years so I guess this is how I look now.

Fbone · 02-07-2016, 09:38 PM

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

02-03-2016, 10:39 AM	#9016
alansplace Grand Sorcerer Posts: 5,895 Karma: 464403178 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: 33.9388° N, 117.2716° W Device: Kindles K-2, K-KB, PW 1 & 2, Voyage, Fire 2, 5 & HD 8, Surface 3, iPad	Humorous . . .

02-05-2016, 07:48 PM	#9023
alansplace Grand Sorcerer Posts: 5,895 Karma: 464403178 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: 33.9388° N, 117.2716° W Device: Kindles K-2, K-KB, PW 1 & 2, Voyage, Fire 2, 5 & HD 8, Surface 3, iPad	Humorous . . .

02-06-2016, 12:05 AM	#9026
alansplace Grand Sorcerer Posts: 5,895 Karma: 464403178 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: 33.9388° N, 117.2716° W Device: Kindles K-2, K-KB, PW 1 & 2, Voyage, Fire 2, 5 & HD 8, Surface 3, iPad	Humorous . . .

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02-03-2016, 05:51 PM	#9017
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,298 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	People are making end-of-the-world jokes like there is no tomorrow.

02-04-2016, 05:38 AM	#9018
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	All of his life George from Cape Breton had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that day, they'd walk across the lake to the boat club for their first legal drink. So when George's 21st birthday came around, he and his pal Corky took a boat out to the middle of the lake. George stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned! Corky just managed to pull him to safety. Furious and confused, George went to see his grandmother. "Grandma, it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?" Granny looked into George's eyes and said, "Because your father, grandfather and great grandfather were born in January, and you were born in July."

02-04-2016, 09:51 PM	#9019
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,298 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I've put something aside for a rainy day. It's an umbrella.

02-04-2016, 10:43 PM	#9021
crich70 Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,310 Karma: 43993832 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Monroe Wisconsin Device: K3, Kindle Paperwhite, Calibre, and Mobipocket for Pc (netbook)	Did you hear about the scientist who did some experiments in cloning? He ended up arguing with himself.

02-05-2016, 02:03 AM	#9022
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	While two families were waiting in line to see the Washington Monument, their two 5-year-old boys were getting acquainted. "My name is Joshua. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Adam," replied the second. "My daddy is a doctor. What does YOUR daddy do for a living?" asked Joshua. Adam proudly replied, "My daddy is a lawyer." "Honest?" asked Joshua. "No, just the regular kind," replied Adam.

02-05-2016, 08:22 PM	#9024
cromag Surfin the alpha waves ~~ Posts: 26,475 Karma: 459765791 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: New Jersey Device: Jetbook Lite & Mini, Nook STR, Kobo, Hanvon N516, Kindle 2, Androids	You'll need to click over to GoComics to view this, but I laughed. http://www.gocomics.com/speedbump/2016/02/05

02-05-2016, 08:50 PM	#9025
John K Reader Posts: 266 Karma: 13465550 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: USA Device: Kindle DXG, Kobo Forma	Daffynitions ~ 1. Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's. 2. Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do. 3. Bernadette: The act of torching a mortgage, 4. Burglarize: What a crook sees with, 5. Control: A short, ugly inmate. 6. Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets. 7. Eclipse: What an English barber does for a living. 8. Eyedropper: A clumsy ophthalmologist. 9. Heroes: What a guy in a boat does. 10. Left Bank : What the robber did when his bag was full of loot. 11. Misty: How golfers create divots. 12. Paradox: Two physicians 13. Parasites: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower 14. Pharmacist: A helper on the farm. 15. Polarize: What penguins see with. 16. Primate: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV. 17. Relief: What trees do in the spring. 18. Rubberneck: What you do to relax your wife. 19. Seamstress: Describes 250 pounds in a size 6. 20. Selfish: What the owner of a seafood store does. 21. Sudafed: Brought litigation against a government official. 22. Subdued: like a guy, like works on one of those, like, submarines, man!

02-06-2016, 01:53 AM	#9027
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,298 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	It's ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.

02-06-2016, 03:39 AM	#9028
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said. "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter?"

02-06-2016, 07:35 PM	#9029
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,298 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I thought I was just really tired but it's been 5 years so I guess this is how I look now.

02-07-2016, 09:38 PM	#9030
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,298 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.