Unutterably Silly Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day

[John K]

After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona."

The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King of Beers', a Budweiser."

The bartender gives him one.

The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors."

He gets it.

The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke."

The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?"

The Guinness president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."

[drjd]

A woman at a party walked up to a man and told him, ''If you were my husband I would poison your drink."

The man replied, ''If you were my wife I would drink it.''

[alansplace]

[Fbone]

Waitress: "Do you have any questions about the menu?"

Me: "What kind of font is this?"

[drjd]

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.
A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man answers it, engaging the loudspeaker function as he does so. Everyone in the room stops to listen to the conversation.

“Hey babe, I’m at the city center mall now and I found this gorgeous leather coat. It’s only $1,000. Can I buy it?” asks the woman at the other end.

“Sure, if you like it then go ahead!” replies the man.

“I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2016 models. There’s one I LOVE and it’s $98,000,” the woman continues.

“Okay, go ahead and buy it. Just make sure it comes with all the options for that price though,” the man says.

Pushing her luck even further, the woman asks: “Do you remember that house I wanted last year? Well, it’s back on the market for $980,000…”

“Make an offer of $900,000 – they’ll probably accept it. Go to $950,000 if you think it’s a really good price for the house,” the man replies.

“Okay honey, see you later! I love you so much – you’re so good to me,” the woman says.

“You’re worth it. Goodbye dear,” replies the man, and hangs up the call.

By this point, the men in the room are aghast, mouths wide open.

The man says: “Hey guys, does anyone know whose phone this is?”

[alansplace]

[added as an attachment so I can see it!]

[John K]

Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around at Home Depot when they collide. The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little worried."

The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?

The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts. What does your wife look like?"

The old guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."

[Freeshadow]

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[alansplace]

[John K]

Furry forecaster Punxsutawney Phil predicts an early spring

[drjd]

A man recently had a visitor from the state of Texas. For three days all he heard from him was "In Texas we have the best this, the largest that, the fastest that," etc. It eventually became very annoying.

Being from Niagara Falls, he thought he could outdo him by showing him the "Mighty Niagara", knowing there was nothing in Texas that could compare to this "Wonder of Water and Power".

While standing at the brink watching millions of gallons of water rushing over, he noticed the look of awe in his guest's eyes. It was then he asked him: "Do you have anything like this in Texas?"

The Texan waited a moment before he answered: "No, but we have a plumber that could fix it."

[alansplace]

[Fbone]

My wife had her driver's test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.

[alansplace]

[drjd]

A man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and said, "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

"Why do you want to talk to me?" she asked puzzled.

"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."