Unutterably Silly Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day

[drjd]

Originally Posted by alansplace

Fair guesswork!

[alansplace]

[drjd]

Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat called Nick for companionship.

One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?"

The Fairy Godmother replied, "Well, Cinderella, since you have lived a good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you three wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"

Cinderella is overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration and almost under her breath she uttered her first wish:

"I wish I was wealthy beyond comprehension." Instantly, her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned. Nick, her old faithful cat, jumped off her lap and scampered to the edge of the porch, quivering with fear.

Cinderella said, "Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother!"

The Fairy Godmother replied, "It's the least I can do. What does your heart wish for your second wish?"

Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, "I wish I were young and full of the beauty of youth again." At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful youthful visage returned.

Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years and long forgotten vigor and vitality began to course through her very soul.

Then the Fairy Godmother again spoke. "You have one more wish, what will you have?" Cinderella looked over to the frightened cat in the corner and said, "I wish you to transform Nick my old cat into a beautiful and handsome young man."

Magically, Nick suddenly underwent so fundamental change in his biological make-up, that when complete he stood before her, a boy, so beautiful the likes of which she nor the world had ever seen, so fair indeed that birds began to fall from the sky at his feet.

The Fairy Godmother again spoke. "Congratulations, Cinderella. Enjoy your new life!" And, with a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone.

For a few eerie moments, Nick and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly perfect boy she had ever seen.

Then Nick walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his young, muscular arms.

He leaned in close to her ear, whispered, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath, "I bet you regret having me neutered now, don't you?"

[alansplace]

[Nate the great]

The Philadelphia Eagles play football, that much I know.

But what sport do the Cheesesteaks play?

[alansplace]

[PoP]

Originally Posted by Nate the great

The Philadelphia Eagles play football, that much I know.

But what sport do the Cheesesteaks play?

Aren't they stong on burp-ees

[alansplace]

..........Mr. Owl's answer: One hundred burpees and a Phillie Cheesesteak !!

[drjd]

The telephone rang in the stately home of Lord Armstrong and his butler answered the call.

‘It’s me. Please go to my wife’s bedroom and tell her that I’ll be home late from the club.’ I’m sorry, M'lord, her ladyship is already asleep.’

‘Then wake her and tell her, while I hold the ‘phone,’ the caller demanded.
‘Yes, Sir,’ the butler replied. The butler returned and said, ‘My Lord, her ladyship is now in her room with a strange man I have never seen before."

‘Damn them! How could she do that to me?!? OK, here's what you do. Get my rifle, break down the door, and shoot them both.’ ‘Yes, Sir,’ the butler responded. He puts the phone down and after a short while 2 shots are clearly heard.

A few minutes later, the butler returned to the phone and reported, ‘My Lord, I tried my best. I shot the man, but your wife dived out the window to the garden before I could shoot her as well.’

'To the garden? What garden?’

‘The one adjacent to her room, my lord.’

Long pause.

'Sorry about that, I think I have the wrong number.'

[alansplace]

[alansplace]

Spoiler:

[drjd]

A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."

[alansplace]

[drjd]

A guy gets set up on a blind date and he takes her out for dinner to a very expensive restaurant to make a good impression. The waiter approaches the table and asks to take their order.

The lady begins ordering practically everything on the menu, shrimp cocktail, pate, Caesar Salad, lobster, crepes Suzette, with no regard to the price. The guy is getting very upset, as he never thought she would order so much.

She then stops, and looks across at him, and asks, "What do you suggest I wash it down with?"

"Well my dear, how about the Mississippi river?"

[alansplace]