Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 566

WT Sharpe · 02-20-2015, 10:21 AM

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HomeInMyShoes · 02-20-2015, 10:41 AM

^That would be a step up intellectually for me.

orlok · 02-21-2015, 01:08 PM

Ironically, the only way my wife is going to get me to watch 50 Shades of Grey is if she ties me to a chair and forces me to.

Brazen_NL · 02-21-2015, 01:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

Ironically, the only way my wife is going to get me to watch 50 Shades of Grey is if she ties me to a chair and forces me to.

So, basically, you'll get the outcome without even watching the movie?

WIN!

Fbone · 02-22-2015, 11:54 AM

A penguin walks into a bar, goes to the counter, and asks the bartender, “Have you seen my brother?”

The bartender says, “I don’t know. What does he look like?”

Fbone · 02-23-2015, 08:39 PM

My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books but he’s only got his shelf to blame.

crich70 · 02-23-2015, 09:50 PM

Two weathermen are carpooling. One turns to the other and asks "did we close the window in the office?" His friend isn't sure and asks why.
"Well you never know,"the first weatherman says. "it might rain."

Figlilly · 02-25-2015, 03:32 AM

badgoodDeb · 02-25-2015, 01:08 PM

...... Now I'm a believer!

orlok · 02-26-2015, 06:33 AM

I'm hoping these haven't been posted before - quite a few of them made me giggle.

10 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Sanity (Insanity?):

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".

5. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

6. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".

7. Sing Along At The Opera.

8. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"

9. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"

10. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

HomeInMyShoes · 02-26-2015, 08:33 AM

I have seen them before, but they still make me laugh. I know someone who would say In accordance with the prophecy.

samhy · 02-26-2015, 03:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

I'm hoping these haven't been posted before - quite a few of them made me giggle.

Thanks for the good laugh

(I can't give you K right now...)

Fbone · 02-26-2015, 10:29 PM

I like to tease my plants by watering them with ice cubes.

steven522 · 02-27-2015, 09:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

4. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".

8. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"

Regarding #4: I have actually ended meetings/gatherings when eveyone stands to leave by saying "So say we all." (Battlestar Galactica reference that might be a little obscure but has gotten at least one "so say we all" back.

And #8: I do a variation of this at our company vending machines. Put in your quarters or dollars or both, say out load "come on, baby needs a new pair of shoes", hit the button, and when the item drops out the bottom yell out "we have a winner!"

Fbone · 02-27-2015, 04:56 PM

If I had a bookstore I would make all the mystery novels hard to find.

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02-20-2015, 10:21 AM	#8476
WT Sharpe Bah, humbug! Posts: 39,072 Karma: 157049943 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.

02-20-2015, 10:41 AM	#8477
HomeInMyShoes Grand Sorcerer Posts: 19,226 Karma: 67780237 Join Date: Jul 2011 Device: none	^That would be a step up intellectually for me.

02-21-2015, 01:08 PM	#8478
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	Ironically, the only way my wife is going to get me to watch 50 Shades of Grey is if she ties me to a chair and forces me to.

02-22-2015, 11:54 AM	#8480
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,298 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	A penguin walks into a bar, goes to the counter, and asks the bartender, “Have you seen my brother?” The bartender says, “I don’t know. What does he look like?”

02-23-2015, 08:39 PM	#8481
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,298 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books but he’s only got his shelf to blame.

02-23-2015, 09:50 PM	#8482
crich70 Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,310 Karma: 43993832 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Monroe Wisconsin Device: K3, Kindle Paperwhite, Calibre, and Mobipocket for Pc (netbook)	Two weathermen are carpooling. One turns to the other and asks "did we close the window in the office?" His friend isn't sure and asks why. "Well you never know,"the first weatherman says. "it might rain."

02-25-2015, 03:32 AM	#8483
Figlilly Zealot Posts: 122 Karma: 2514066 Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Australia Device: Kindle Oasis 2&3, Paperwhites, Kindle Touch, Kobo Clara, IPad Air2

02-25-2015, 01:08 PM	#8484
badgoodDeb Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,555 Karma: 64462893 Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Harrisburg outskirts Device: Palms, K1-4s, iPads, iPhones, KV, KO1	...... Now I'm a believer!

02-26-2015, 06:33 AM	#8485
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	I'm hoping these haven't been posted before - quite a few of them made me giggle. 10 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Sanity (Insanity?): 1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice. 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that. 4. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy". 5. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk. 6. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go". 7. Sing Along At The Opera. 8. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!" 9. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!" 10. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

02-26-2015, 08:33 AM	#8486
HomeInMyShoes Grand Sorcerer Posts: 19,226 Karma: 67780237 Join Date: Jul 2011 Device: none	I have seen them before, but they still make me laugh. I know someone who would say In accordance with the prophecy.

02-26-2015, 10:29 PM	#8488
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,298 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I like to tease my plants by watering them with ice cubes.

02-27-2015, 04:56 PM	#8490
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,298 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	If I had a bookstore I would make all the mystery novels hard to find.