Unutterably Silly Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day

[HomeInMyShoes]

^Haha.

[PieMan597]

Darn!

[PeterT]

At a convention of biological scientists, one prominent researcher remarked to another, "Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?"

"Really?" the other researcher replied. "Why did you switch?"

"Well, for three reasons. First we found that lawyers are far more plentiful. Second, the lab assistants don't get so attached to them, and thirdly there are some things even a rat won't do."

[willus]

Originally Posted by DMcCunney

Little Willie was a chemist.
Little Willie is no more.
What he thought was H2O
was H2SO4.
______
Dennis

Little Willie wasn't such a good chemist.

[orlok]

Someone ripped the pages out of both ends of my dictionary today.

It just goes from bad to worse.

[crich70]

Q. What do cobblers and preachers have in common?

Spoiler:

A. Both mend bad souls/soles

[cromag]

Originally Posted by DMcCunney

Little Willie was a chemist.
Little Willie is no more.
What he thought was H2O
was H2SO4.
______
Dennis

Originally Posted by willus

Little Willie wasn't such a good chemist.

I still remember one afternoon lab session in quantitative analysis, the person behind me musing aloud ... "Now, is it acid to water, or water to acid?"

I considered offering advice, but I wasn't quick enough. There was the loud sound of a flask exploding and lots of smoking holes in the back of my shirt.

Spoiler:

It's acid to water, by the way.

[orlok]

You can tell the sex of an ant by dropping it into a jug of water.

If it sinks: girl ant

If it floats: boy ant

[Lin2412]

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

[yvanleterrible]

Originally Posted by Lin2412

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

No need to say that it's a full time job...

[pdurrant]

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and data loss.
Guess which has occurred

[japinder]

All...?

[yvanleterrible]

Originally Posted by pdurrant

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and data loss.
Guess which has occurred

Death of your computer as you were just about to finish doing your taxes?

[PeterT]

Not so much a joke...

KING ARTHUR AND THE OLD UGLY WOMAN

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighbouring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question?...What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old ugly woman, for only she would have the answer.

But the price would be high; as the woman was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the old woman. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.
The old ugly woman wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the woman answered Arthur's question thus:
What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the woman had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it was, the neighbouring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the ugly woman had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.

The young beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared ugly, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day -- or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old ugly woman? Or, would he prefer having a hideous woman during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

What would YOU do?

What Lancelot chose is below.

BUT -- make YOUR choice before you scroll down below.

OKAY?

Spoiler:

Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now....what is the moral to this story?

The moral is --

Spoiler:

If you don't let a woman have her own way...
Things are going to be ugly.

[WT Sharpe]

Originally Posted by orlok

...If it floats: boy ant

Ouch!