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Old 12-28-2014, 10:33 AM   #8326
yvanleterrible
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Old 12-28-2014, 03:11 PM   #8327
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Mom and Dad Potato sit down with their three daughter potatoes. "Kids," they say, "you're old enough now to go out and find yourselves husbands. We want you to be happy with them, but we also want you to be sure and choose a husband the whole family can be proud of." With that, they send their children forth to find mates.

A few months later the first daughter returns. "Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet my fiance, Peter Potato. Peter's from Idaho."

"Idaho! Wonderful! Welcome to the family, Peter."

A few months after that the second daughter comes home. "Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet my fiance, Paul Potato. Paul is from Maine."

"Maine! Well, delighted to meet you, Paul."

A few months after that, the third daughter walks in. "Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet my fiance, Tom Brokaw."

"Um...would you excuse us for a moment, Tom?"

The parents take the third daughter aside and tell her that they do not approve of this match and will cut her out of the will if she goes through with it.

"But Mom! Dad! I thought you'd be thrilled! What's the matter with Tom Brokaw?"

"Don't you understand? He's a common tater!"
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Old 12-28-2014, 03:20 PM   #8328
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A blonde who had been unemployed for several months got a job with Public Works. She was to paint lines down the center of a rural road.

The supervisor told her that she was on probation and that she must stay at or above the set average of 2 miles per day to remain employed.

The blonde agreed to the conditions and starts right away.

The supervisor checking up at the end of the day, found that the blonde had completed 4 miles on her first day, double the average! "Great," he told her, "I think you're really going to work out."

The next day, however, he was disappointed to find that the blonde only accomplished 2 miles. The supervisor thought, "Well she's still at the average and I don't want to discourage her, so I'll just keep quiet."

On the third day, the blonde only did one mile and the boss thought, "I need to talk to her before this gets any worse."

The boss pulled the new employee in and says, "You were doing so great. The first day you did 4 miles, the second day 2 miles, but yesterday you only did one mile. Why? Is there a problem? An injury, equipment failure? What's keeping you from meeting the 2 mile minimum?"

The blonde replied, "Well, each day I keep getting further and further away from the bucket."
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Old 12-28-2014, 03:26 PM   #8329
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PeterT View Post
..."Don't you understand? He's a common tater!"
You're trying to kill us all, aren't you?
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Old 12-28-2014, 04:00 PM   #8330
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PeterT View Post
"Don't you understand? He's a common tater!"
That joke does have a-peel.
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Old 12-28-2014, 10:45 PM   #8331
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Sign on a Dentist's wall:

"Eat Candy. Support your local Dentist."
lol. Yes please. Preferably jaw breakers. And don't forget chocolates too. Hahaha

I have a colleague who is incredibly scared of going to the dentist. He likes to eat sweets like me, and even if he doesn't set any dental appointment like a regular person, he still has a great set of white teeth. Dental Hygiene must suffice. Haha.
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Old 12-29-2014, 03:40 AM   #8332
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crich70 View Post
Sign on a Dentist's wall:

"Eat Candy. Support your local Dentist."
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lin2412 View Post
lol. Yes please. Preferably jaw breakers. And don't forget chocolates too. Hahaha
...

My dentist's daughter is a very talented commercial artist. She did a very nice piece in colored pencils on illustration board that he framed and put up on one of the walls in his office. It's an opened candy bar on a background in the style of a Sunday comics page. All of the comic strips involve dentists.

And the candy is a ... PayDay bar.

Honest.
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Old 12-29-2014, 08:23 PM   #8333
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Old 12-30-2014, 10:22 AM   #8334
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Old 01-04-2015, 10:41 AM   #8335
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Can you name a movie, produced in 1965, which title was bilingual?

Spoiler:

Doctor Zhivago

Spoiler:
Docteur Jivago (in french)

Spoiler:
J'y va = J'y vais = Go!
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Old 01-04-2015, 01:51 PM   #8336
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Old 01-04-2015, 01:53 PM   #8337
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Old 01-04-2015, 02:18 PM   #8338
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Little Willie filled with glee
Put Radium in Grandma's tea
Now he finds it quite a lark
To see Grandma glowing in the dark
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Old 01-06-2015, 09:38 PM   #8339
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crich70 View Post
Little Willie filled with glee
Put Radium in Grandma's tea
Now he finds it quite a lark
To see Grandma glowing in the dark
« in Grandpa's tea » also works
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Old 01-06-2015, 10:04 PM   #8340
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Originally Posted by crich70 View Post
Little Willie filled with glee
Put Radium in Grandma's tea
Now he finds it quite a lark
To see Grandma glowing in the dark
Little Willie was a chemist.
Little Willie is no more.
What he thought was H2O
was H2SO4.
______
Dennis
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