Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 54

LCF · 02-23-2010, 01:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Slite

Damn it! I really must NOT read this thread while drinking coffee! You owe me a new monitor!

At least your old one isn't one of those:

.

badgoodDeb · 02-23-2010, 01:54 PM

[ I'm mesmerized by LCF's current avatar!! ]

kennyc · 02-23-2010, 03:09 PM

I LOVE MY JOB

This is even funnier when you realize it's real!
Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy.
Bob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana
He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.
Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister.
She then sent it to radio station 103 .5 FM in Indiana, who was
sponsoring a 'worst job experience' contest.
Needless to say, she won.
Read his letter below.

~Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother..
Last week I had a bad day at the office.
I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would
share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.
Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a
few technicalities of my job.
As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to
the office.
It's a wet suit.
This time of year the water is quite cool.
So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial
water heater.
This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea.
It heats it to a delightful temperature.
It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped
to the air hose.
Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times
with no complaints.
What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose
and stuff it down the back of my wet suit.
This floods my whole suit with warm water.
It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to
itch.
So, of course, I scratched it.
This only made things worse.
Within a few seconds my ass started to burn.
I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done.
In agony I realized what had happened.
The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my
suit.
Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't
stick to it, however, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate..
When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the
jellyfish into my ass.
I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.
His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five
other divers, were all laughing hysterically.
Needless to say, I aborted the dive.
I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops
totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin
my chamber dry decompression.
When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass
helmet.
As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running
down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my
butt as soon as I got in the chamber.
The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't sh*t for two days because my
butt was swollen shut.
So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much
worse it would be if you had a jellyfish in your butt.
Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.'
Whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?

Bilbo1967 · 02-23-2010, 04:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Slite

Damn it! I really must NOT read this thread while drinking coffee! You owe me a new monitor!

Sorry Slite

How about suing either the coffee or the monitor manufacturers - surely at least one of them has been negligent

WT Sharpe · 02-23-2010, 05:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kennyc

I LOVE MY JOB

This is even funnier when you realize it's real!
Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy.
Bob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana
He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.
Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister.
She then sent it to radio station 103 .5 FM in Indiana, who was
sponsoring a 'worst job experience' contest.
Needless to say, she won.
Read his letter below.

~Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother..
Last week I had a bad day at the office.
I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would
share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.
Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a
few technicalities of my job.
As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to
the office.
It's a wet suit.
This time of year the water is quite cool.
So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial
water heater.
This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea.
It heats it to a delightful temperature.
It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped
to the air hose.
Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times
with no complaints.
What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose
and stuff it down the back of my wet suit.
This floods my whole suit with warm water.
It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to
itch.
So, of course, I scratched it.
This only made things worse.
Within a few seconds my ass started to burn.
I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done.
In agony I realized what had happened.
The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my
suit.
Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't
stick to it, however, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate..
When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the
jellyfish into my ass.
I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.
His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five
other divers, were all laughing hysterically.
Needless to say, I aborted the dive.
I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops
totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin
my chamber dry decompression.
When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass
helmet.
As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running
down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my
butt as soon as I got in the chamber.
The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't sh*t for two days because my
butt was swollen shut.
So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much
worse it would be if you had a jellyfish in your butt.
Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.'
Whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?

I will never complain again.

Yes I will.

kennyc · 02-23-2010, 09:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WT Sharpe

I will never complain again.

Yes I will.

Thought so.

Slite · 02-24-2010, 01:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kennyc

I LOVE MY JOB

This is even funnier when you realize it's real!
Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy.
Bob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana
He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.
Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister.
She then sent it to radio station 103 .5 FM in Indiana, who was
sponsoring a 'worst job experience' contest.
Needless to say, she won.
Read his letter below.

~Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother..
Last week I had a bad day at the office.
I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would
share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.
Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a
few technicalities of my job.
As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to
the office.
It's a wet suit.
This time of year the water is quite cool.
So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial
water heater.
This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea.
It heats it to a delightful temperature.
It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped
to the air hose.
Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times
with no complaints.
What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose
and stuff it down the back of my wet suit.
This floods my whole suit with warm water.
It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to
itch.
So, of course, I scratched it.
This only made things worse.
Within a few seconds my ass started to burn.
I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done.
In agony I realized what had happened.
The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my
suit.
Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't
stick to it, however, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate..
When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the
jellyfish into my ass.
I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.
His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five
other divers, were all laughing hysterically.
Needless to say, I aborted the dive.
I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops
totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin
my chamber dry decompression.
When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass
helmet.
As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running
down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my
butt as soon as I got in the chamber.
The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't sh*t for two days because my
butt was swollen shut.
So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much
worse it would be if you had a jellyfish in your butt.
Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.'
Whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?

Priceless! Totally! (Laughing so hard I can barely type this)

pdurrant · 02-24-2010, 04:52 AM

This joke originally came in a slightly different form, but I've adapted it for Mobileread.

There was a couple who went in for a green lifestyle, even to the extent of getting their house made out of environmentally friendly materials - in short, a grass hut. But quite a fancy one, with an attic space in the roof and all.

They also had a large collection of books, but because of the environmental benefits (less transport, no bleaching of paper pulp, etc.) they'd moved onto ebooks. So they didn't need their collection near to hand, but couldn't bear to dispose of it completely. Their solution was to pack them away in boxes in their attic.

Alas... a grass hut isn't necessarily very strong, and books are heavy. One night the attic floor gave way, burying them in their books.

The moral?

People in grass houses shouldn't stow tomes.

roger the rabbit · 02-24-2010, 04:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kennyc

I LOVE MY JOB

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much
worse it would be if you had a jellyfish in your butt.
Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.'
Whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?

Lol

roger the rabbit · 02-24-2010, 05:08 AM

I've seen a few "Blonde" jokes on this thread, so not to annoy them any more (for the moment) I saw this.
(Presumably it is about a Blond who dyed her hair red!)

The Confused RedHead

Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight

Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope

Can't work in a pharmacy because the bottles won't fit into the typewriter

Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in six months
The box said "2 to 4 years"

Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out

When asked what the capital of California was She answered "C"

Baked a turkey for 3 days
Because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125

Can't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets

Got hurt while raking leaves
She fell out of the tree

Hated M & Ms because they were so hard to peel

Changed the baby's diaper only once a month
Because the label read
Up to 20 pounds

yvanleterrible · 02-24-2010, 06:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by roger the rabbit

I've seen a few "Blonde" jokes on this thread, so not to annoy them any more (for the moment) I saw this.
(Presumably it is about a Blond who dyed her hair red!)

The Confused RedHead

Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight

Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope

Can't work in a pharmacy because the bottles won't fit into the typewriter

Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in six months
The box said "2 to 4 years"

Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out

When asked what the capital of California was She answered "C"

Baked a turkey for 3 days
Because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125

Can't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets

Got hurt while raking leaves
She fell out of the tree

Hated M & Ms because they were so hard to peel

Changed the baby's diaper only once a month
Because the label read
Up to 20 pounds

Now that was funny!

Javed · 02-24-2010, 07:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by roger the rabbit

I've seen a few "Blonde" jokes on this thread, so not to annoy them any more (for the moment) I saw this.
(Presumably it is about a Blond who dyed her hair red!)

The Confused RedHead

Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight

Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope

Can't work in a pharmacy because the bottles won't fit into the typewriter

Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in six months
The box said "2 to 4 years"

Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out

When asked what the capital of California was She answered "C"

Baked a turkey for 3 days
Because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125

Can't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets

Got hurt while raking leaves
She fell out of the tree

Hated M & Ms because they were so hard to peel

Changed the baby's diaper only once a month
Because the label read
Up to 20 pounds

mores · 02-24-2010, 08:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pdurrant

There was a couple who went in for a green lifestyle, even to the extent of getting their house made out of environmentally friendly materials - in short, a grass hut. But quite a fancy one, with an attic space in the roof and all.

They also had a large collection of books, but because of the environmental benefits (less transport, no bleaching of paper pulp, etc.) they'd moved onto ebooks. So they didn't need their collection near to hand, but couldn't bear to dispose of it completely. Their solution was to pack them away in boxes in their attic.

Alas... a grass hut isn't necessarily very strong, and books are heavy. One night the attic floor gave way, burying them in their books.

The moral?

People in grass houses shouldn't stow tomes.

I like that one!

WT Sharpe · 02-24-2010, 08:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pdurrant

This joke originally came in a slightly different form, but I've adapted it for Mobileread.

There was a couple who went in for a green lifestyle, even to the extent of getting their house made out of environmentally friendly materials - in short, a grass hut. But quite a fancy one, with an attic space in the roof and all.

They also had a large collection of books, but because of the environmental benefits (less transport, no bleaching of paper pulp, etc.) they'd moved onto ebooks. So they didn't need their collection near to hand, but couldn't bear to dispose of it completely. Their solution was to pack them away in boxes in their attic.

Alas... a grass hut isn't necessarily very strong, and books are heavy. One night the attic floor gave way, burying them in their books.

The moral?

People in grass houses shouldn't stow tomes.

OH! OH! The pain!! OUCH!!!

Lycoming · 02-24-2010, 09:18 AM

My wife and I were talking about managing our money better. We came to a conclusion that we can't afford to waste money on beer anymore. Then, I caught her spending $60 on make up.

When I asked her about it she said "I need the make up to look pretty for you."

So I told her "Well thats what the beer was for"

I dont think she's coming back

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02-23-2010, 01:54 PM	#797
badgoodDeb Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,545 Karma: 64462893 Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Harrisburg outskirts Device: Palms, K1-4s, iPads, iPhones, KV, KO1	[ I'm mesmerized by LCF's current avatar!! ]

02-23-2010, 03:09 PM	#798
kennyc The Dank Side of the Moon Posts: 35,891 Karma: 119230421 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Denver, CO Device: Kindle2; Kindle Fire	I LOVE MY JOB This is even funnier when you realize it's real! Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy. Bob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103 .5 FM in Indiana, who was sponsoring a 'worst job experience' contest. Needless to say, she won. Read his letter below. ~Hi Sue, Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it, however, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate.. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my ass. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say, I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't sh*t for two days because my butt was swollen shut. So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish in your butt. Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.' Whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?

02-24-2010, 04:52 AM	#803
pdurrant The Grand Mouse 高貴的老鼠 Posts: 73,822 Karma: 315126578 Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Norfolk, England Device: Kindle Oasis	This joke originally came in a slightly different form, but I've adapted it for Mobileread. There was a couple who went in for a green lifestyle, even to the extent of getting their house made out of environmentally friendly materials - in short, a grass hut. But quite a fancy one, with an attic space in the roof and all. They also had a large collection of books, but because of the environmental benefits (less transport, no bleaching of paper pulp, etc.) they'd moved onto ebooks. So they didn't need their collection near to hand, but couldn't bear to dispose of it completely. Their solution was to pack them away in boxes in their attic. Alas... a grass hut isn't necessarily very strong, and books are heavy. One night the attic floor gave way, burying them in their books. The moral? People in grass houses shouldn't stow tomes.

02-24-2010, 05:08 AM	#805
roger the rabbit Addict Posts: 316 Karma: 10215 Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Wherever I lay my hat! Device: Sony PRS-T3, 650 Black, 505, Kobo Glo HD Aura ONE	I've seen a few "Blonde" jokes on this thread, so not to annoy them any more (for the moment) I saw this. (Presumably it is about a Blond who dyed her hair red!) The Confused RedHead Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope Can't work in a pharmacy because the bottles won't fit into the typewriter Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in six months The box said "2 to 4 years" Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out When asked what the capital of California was She answered "C" Baked a turkey for 3 days Because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125 Can't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets Got hurt while raking leaves She fell out of the tree Hated M & Ms because they were so hard to peel Changed the baby's diaper only once a month Because the label read Up to 20 pounds

02-24-2010, 09:18 AM	#810
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	My wife and I were talking about managing our money better. We came to a conclusion that we can't afford to waste money on beer anymore. Then, I caught her spending $60 on make up. When I asked her about it she said "I need the make up to look pretty for you." So I told her "Well thats what the beer was for" I dont think she's coming back