09-15-2014, 07:01 AM | #8056 |
Still a pie
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Life is like a roll of toliet paper; the closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
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09-15-2014, 09:28 AM | #8057 |
binomial: homo legentem
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Location: Alabama, USA
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09-15-2014, 03:08 PM | #8058 | |
Force-Aware Elf
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Quote:
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09-15-2014, 03:21 PM | #8059 |
Grand Sorcerer
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Yup. I can see admitting someone with the kind of imagination and writing ability!
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09-16-2014, 07:59 AM | #8060 |
Close to the Edit!
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A pirate goes to the doctor, worried the moles on his back are cancerous.
"It's ok" says the Doctor "They're benign." "Count 'em again Doc" says the pirate. "I reckon there be at least ten." |
09-16-2014, 09:04 AM | #8061 |
binomial: homo legentem
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Alabama, USA
Device: iriver Story HD; Archos 80 G9
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During a recent trip to the supermarket with my wife, I went to the end of the checkout and began bagging up our groceries. Halfway through the frustrating process of fighting the little plastic bags that seem to always either tear or cling together in clumps of a half-dozen, I felt a gentle pat on my arm.
Turning around, I looked into the kindly face of grandmotherly type lady. "It's OK," she said comfortingly. "You can do it. Don't give up." I was just about to thank her for the kind words when she turned to the cashier and said: "It's so nice that your store gives special needs people a chance to work." |
09-16-2014, 09:27 AM | #8062 |
Grand Sorcerer
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09-16-2014, 09:37 AM | #8063 |
Bücherwurm
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Location: Munich
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This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation between the British and the Irish, off the coast of Kerry, Oct 1981. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-01:
IRISH: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South, to avoid a collision. BRITISH: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North, to avoid a collision. IRISH: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision. BRITISH: This is the Captain of a British navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course. IRISH: Negative. I say again. You will have to divert YOUR course. BRITISH: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER HMS BRITANNIA! THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE BRITISH ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT IS 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP. IRISH: This is a lighthouse. Your call. __________________________________________________ ____ It comes in several flavors, characters and nationalities may change but it's still a good one My apologies if someone already posted it - checking 538 pages is definitely beyond my reach |
09-16-2014, 07:19 PM | #8064 |
curly᷂͓̫̙᷊̥̮̾ͯͤͭͬͦͨ ʎʌɹnɔ
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^ I would have ended it like that :
LIGHTHOUSE: Your call! |
09-16-2014, 11:30 PM | #8065 |
Surfin the alpha waves ~~
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09-17-2014, 02:54 AM | #8066 |
Bücherwurm
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OK cromag, I don't think there's anymore a good joke you cannot find on the web in at least 256 different versions . Try this one, for instance:
One day in the Garden of Eden "Adam, you're looking a little sad today! What's wrong with you?" "O Lord, I have a problem... "What's the problem, Adam?" "Lord, You created me and have provided for me and surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but ..." "But?" "Er, I feel so lonely! I don't have anyone to chat with, You're always so busy creating beautiful things. And besides..." "Besides???" "Well, there are some needs, you know... in Your infinite wisdom You gave them to me, though I'm sort of ashamed to talk about them..." "Oh those urges, now I understand! OK, I think it's about time for Me to create the woman." "What's a 'woman', Lord?" "Ah, she shall be a creature more or less like you but way more beautiful and appealingly different! She shall be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the Heavens and Earth. She will unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will be the perfect companion for you, she will cook the most delicious food for you, she will iron your shirts and pants, she will bear you beautiful and nice children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it. You will like her, Adam, believe Me!" "Oh Lord, that sounds just great! But how could I ever afford such a marvelous creature?" "Oh Adam, come on, she won't be that expensive! Today I feel generous, she will cost you just an arm and a leg, it's a bargain!" "Oooh, an arm and a leg... Lord, I don't know, that's quite expensive... ... hmm, tell me, what would I get for a rib?" |
09-20-2014, 09:59 AM | #8067 |
curly᷂͓̫̙᷊̥̮̾ͯͤͭͬͦͨ ʎʌɹnɔ
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Ig Nobel winner
Not a joke. Is it?
It may not always help science but it is always worthwile to review this year accomplishments. Read phys.org complete coverage for a good laugh. |
09-24-2014, 11:17 AM | #8068 |
Bah, humbug!
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09-24-2014, 03:12 PM | #8069 |
curly᷂͓̫̙᷊̥̮̾ͯͤͭͬͦͨ ʎʌɹnɔ
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^
This crack me up. |
09-25-2014, 10:20 AM | #8070 |
Grand Sorcerer
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