Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 510

HomeInMyShoes · 03-27-2014, 03:02 PM

I need to take a picture inside the fridge at work. The lunch boxes are more like lunch grocery bags now.

Hamlet53 · 03-30-2014, 08:36 PM

So a joke I heard on an NPR program. The guest that told joke was Itzhak Perlan which explains why it was about violins.

Violinist Jascha Heifetz had given a performance and a woman goes back stage to express her appreciation.

Lady: Your violin sounded so good tonight.

Jascha Heifetz : (Holding his violin to his ear) That's funny I don't hear anything.

PieMan597 · 03-30-2014, 08:45 PM

Q: Why did Sally drop her ice-cream cone?

A: Because she was hit by a truck.

orlok · 03-31-2014, 06:33 AM

A blonde named Sue marries a local farmer.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the farmer says to Sue, "The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the wood just above where the cow's stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?"

The farmer leaves for the field, and after a while the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. "I have come to inseminate the cow," he says.

Sue takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows, and when Sue sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one right here."

The man, assuming he is dealing with an airhead blonde, asks, "Tell me lady, because I'm dying to know, how would YOU know that this is the right cow to be bred?"

"That's simple", she confidently explains, "By the nail that's over its stall".

Laughing rudely at her, the man says, "And what, pray tell, is the nail for"?

The blonde turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder, "I guess it's to hang your pants on."

Hamlet53 · 03-31-2014, 10:40 AM

Just trying to grab some Z's.

Glorfindel · 03-31-2014, 11:14 AM

lol on snoopy

PieMan597 · 03-31-2014, 01:20 PM

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?

A: No-eye-deer!

pdurrant · 03-31-2014, 03:08 PM

Q: What do you call a dead deer with no eyes?

Spoiler:

doubleshuffle · 03-31-2014, 03:14 PM

What do you call a dead deer's antlers being used as a musical instrument?

Spoiler:

(Getting my coat...)

PieMan597 · 03-31-2014, 03:56 PM

Nice one.
Why did Jimmy fall off the swings?
He had no arms.
(He was one of the kids that followed the no-guns in school rule by chopping off their arms.)

steven522 · 03-31-2014, 04:10 PM

There once was this magnificent mathematical horse.

He was taught arithmetic, which he learned with no difficulty. Teaching him algebra took very little time. The horse could even prove theorems in euclidean geometry.

However, when anyone tried to teach him analytic geometry, the horse would rear up on his hind legs, kick ferociously, neigh loudly and make violent head motions in resistance.

The moral of this story:
You can't put Descartes before the horse.

PieMan597 · 03-31-2014, 08:45 PM

This joke has to be the wierdest one I have ever heard. We used to Bad Joke Fridays in one of our classes, and this was one kid's joke.
He said, "So there was this cow, then BANANA!!"

Glorfindel · 03-31-2014, 08:48 PM

I don't get it

PieMan597 · 03-31-2014, 08:50 PM

No one does, that's the point.

Glorfindel · 03-31-2014, 08:52 PM

ok I guess that means I got it now then lol

03-31-2014, 10:40 AM	#7640
Hamlet53 Nameless Being	Just trying to grab some Z's. Attached Thumbnails

03-31-2014, 03:08 PM	#7643
pdurrant The Grand Mouse 高貴的老鼠 Posts: 74,082 Karma: 315558332 Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Norfolk, England Device: Kindle Oasis	Q: What do you call a dead deer with no eyes? Spoiler: A: Still no idea.

03-31-2014, 03:14 PM	#7644
doubleshuffle Unicycle Daredevil Posts: 13,944 Karma: 185432100 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Planet of the Pudding Brains Device: Aura HD (R.I.P. After six years the USB socket died.) tolino shine 3	What do you call a dead deer's antlers being used as a musical instrument? Spoiler: Deergeridoo. (Getting my coat...)

03-31-2014, 03:56 PM	#7645
PieMan597 Still a pie Posts: 6,285 Karma: 37018654 Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: PieTown USA Device: Kindle Touch, OnePlus 7 Pro	Nice one. Why did Jimmy fall off the swings? He had no arms. (He was one of the kids that followed the no-guns in school rule by chopping off their arms.) Last edited by PieMan597; 03-31-2014 at 04:35 PM.

03-31-2014, 08:50 PM	#7649
PieMan597 Still a pie Posts: 6,285 Karma: 37018654 Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: PieTown USA Device: Kindle Touch, OnePlus 7 Pro	No one does, that's the point. Last edited by PieMan597; 03-31-2014 at 08:50 PM. Reason: Kindle keyboard messing me up...

03-27-2014, 03:02 PM	#7636
HomeInMyShoes Grand Sorcerer Posts: 19,226 Karma: 67780237 Join Date: Jul 2011 Device: none	I need to take a picture inside the fridge at work. The lunch boxes are more like lunch grocery bags now.

03-30-2014, 08:36 PM	#7637
Hamlet53 Nameless Being	So a joke I heard on an NPR program. The guest that told joke was Itzhak Perlan which explains why it was about violins. Violinist Jascha Heifetz had given a performance and a woman goes back stage to express her appreciation. Lady: Your violin sounded so good tonight. Jascha Heifetz : (Holding his violin to his ear) That's funny I don't hear anything.

03-30-2014, 08:45 PM	#7638
PieMan597 Still a pie Posts: 6,285 Karma: 37018654 Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: PieTown USA Device: Kindle Touch, OnePlus 7 Pro	Q: Why did Sally drop her ice-cream cone? A: Because she was hit by a truck.

03-31-2014, 06:33 AM	#7639
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	A blonde named Sue marries a local farmer. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the farmer says to Sue, "The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the wood just above where the cow's stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?" The farmer leaves for the field, and after a while the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. "I have come to inseminate the cow," he says. Sue takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows, and when Sue sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one right here." The man, assuming he is dealing with an airhead blonde, asks, "Tell me lady, because I'm dying to know, how would YOU know that this is the right cow to be bred?" "That's simple", she confidently explains, "By the nail that's over its stall". Laughing rudely at her, the man says, "And what, pray tell, is the nail for"? The blonde turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder, "I guess it's to hang your pants on."

03-31-2014, 11:14 AM	#7641
Glorfindel Force-Aware Elf Posts: 4,762 Karma: 11557898 Join Date: Feb 2014 Location: Valinor Device: Kindle 4 w/SO	lol on snoopy

03-31-2014, 01:20 PM	#7642
PieMan597 Still a pie Posts: 6,285 Karma: 37018654 Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: PieTown USA Device: Kindle Touch, OnePlus 7 Pro	Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes? A: No-eye-deer!

03-31-2014, 04:10 PM	#7646
steven522 binomial: homo legentem Posts: 1,061 Karma: 25222222 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Alabama, USA Device: iriver Story HD; Archos 80 G9	There once was this magnificent mathematical horse. He was taught arithmetic, which he learned with no difficulty. Teaching him algebra took very little time. The horse could even prove theorems in euclidean geometry. However, when anyone tried to teach him analytic geometry, the horse would rear up on his hind legs, kick ferociously, neigh loudly and make violent head motions in resistance. The moral of this story: You can't put Descartes before the horse.

03-31-2014, 08:45 PM	#7647
PieMan597 Still a pie Posts: 6,285 Karma: 37018654 Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: PieTown USA Device: Kindle Touch, OnePlus 7 Pro	This joke has to be the wierdest one I have ever heard. We used to Bad Joke Fridays in one of our classes, and this was one kid's joke. He said, "So there was this cow, then BANANA!!"

03-31-2014, 08:48 PM	#7648
Glorfindel Force-Aware Elf Posts: 4,762 Karma: 11557898 Join Date: Feb 2014 Location: Valinor Device: Kindle 4 w/SO	I don't get it

03-31-2014, 08:52 PM	#7650
Glorfindel Force-Aware Elf Posts: 4,762 Karma: 11557898 Join Date: Feb 2014 Location: Valinor Device: Kindle 4 w/SO	ok I guess that means I got it now then lol

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