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Old 03-10-2014, 09:25 AM   #7606
Stitchawl
Opsimath
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Quote:
Originally Posted by orlok View Post
What, for "tapping"? A Brit slang word for the act of congress .
In America we get lots of acts of congress... Now I understand why it's called they. They've been screwing us for years!


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Old 03-10-2014, 09:28 AM   #7607
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If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite progress?
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Old 03-11-2014, 05:27 AM   #7608
Cyberman tM
Evangelist
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Not so much of a joke, but something I find amusing and I don't think I've written it yet (here):

Proof that we're living in the future:
While charging, my eBook reader is comparing protein sequences, and my cell phone is calculating the effectiveness of antiviral drugs.

Naturally, that is somewhat embellished:
Spoiler:

My reader IS running Boinc and SIMAP, which compares proteins to see if they're similar (and might behave similar). It's apparently a rather simple calculation, since on my PC a single work unit takes only half an hour - the reader still needs 3 hours.

My cell phone is also running Boinc, and World Community Grids "Fight AIDS at Home" which does indeed try to calculate if specified drugs might be able to work against HIV, that is, which drugs are able to "dock" to a key protein, inhibiting the whole virus.
But it's "just" this virus, not generic like the sentence above would imply.
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Old 03-11-2014, 02:08 PM   #7609
BelleZora
Wizard
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Old 03-11-2014, 05:27 PM   #7610
Bookpossum
Snoozing in the sun
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BelleZora View Post
Ain't that the truth!
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Old 03-14-2014, 03:03 AM   #7611
Bookpossum
Snoozing in the sun
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This is the sort of thing that Labrador owners send each other:
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Old 03-14-2014, 06:12 AM   #7612
yvanleterrible
Reborn Paper User
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Originally Posted by BelleZora View Post
Those who do read history will often repeat it because it pays all the way until the others read it...


(That's the corporate way...)
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Old 03-14-2014, 12:57 PM   #7613
badgoodDeb
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This is the sort of thing that Labrador owners send each other:
True if you have a two year old too!
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Old 03-14-2014, 01:38 PM   #7614
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^Even more true with a four-year old.
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Old 03-14-2014, 04:39 PM   #7615
cromag
Surfin the alpha waves ~~
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... and teen-agers!
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Old 03-14-2014, 04:51 PM   #7616
red_phoenix
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... and teen-agers!
...everything is suspicious with teenagers.
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Old 03-14-2014, 07:32 PM   #7617
PoP
 curly᷂͓̫̙᷊̥̮̾ͯͤͭͬͦͨ ʎʌɹnɔ
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IN A DARK AND HAZY ROOM, PEERING INTO A CRYSTAL BALL, THE MYSTIC
DELIVERED GRAVE NEWS:

"There's no easy way to tell you this", so I'll just be blunt. "Prepare
yourself to be a widow".

"Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, Laura stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands.

She took a few deep breaths to compose herself and to stop her mind racing. She simply had to know.

She met the Fortune Teller's gaze, steadied her voice and asked,

"Will I be acquitted?"

For some reason, women tend to like this joke¹

Spoiler:
¹ How would I know? I'm just an avatar...
Last edited by PoP; 03-14-2014 at 07:40 PM.
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Old 03-18-2014, 08:16 AM   #7618
orlok
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In honour of St.Patrick's Day:

An Irishman walks into a pub and orders dozens of martinis, removing the olives, placing them in a jar, and drinking the martinis. When the jar is filled with olives and all the martinis drank, he starts to leave.

The bartender stops him and asks, "Excuse me but, what was that all about?"

The Irishman replies, "My wife sent me out for a jar of olives."
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Old 03-18-2014, 12:05 PM   #7619
benham
Guru
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Patty walks into a pub and orders 3 pints o beer. The bartender brings them over, Patty drinks them and leaves. The next time Patty comes in the pub, he orders 3 pints o beer again. The bartender thinks this a bit odd, but pours them and brings them over again. Patty, he says, it is none of me business, but your beer would stay colder if I poured them one at a time. Oh, says Patty, I have two brothers and they both moved away from Ireland. We made a tradition that when we go to a pub we would have a pint o beer for each brother. And a good tradition it is, says the bartender. And so it went until one day Patty came into the pub and only ordered two pints o beer. The bartender brings them over and says, Sorry for your loss, Patty. What loss is that, asks Patty? Well you only ordered two pints o beer so I thought some misfortune came to one of your brothers. Oh, no, no, no, says Patty. Me wife made me give up beer for Lent!
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Old 03-19-2014, 06:10 AM   #7620
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'Nuff said?
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