Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 504

Fbone · 02-20-2014, 11:07 PM

yvanleterrible · 02-21-2014, 06:03 AM

Whack!!!

Is that view from an Australian perspective?

WT Sharpe · 02-21-2014, 11:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yvanleterrible

Whack!!!

...

Shouldn't that be Quack!!! Name: duck_icon.png
Views: 465
Size: 1.3 KB

MJK2111 · 02-21-2014, 11:40 AM

How do you make a handkerchief dance?

Spoiler:

badgoodDeb · 02-21-2014, 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MJK2111

How do you make a handkerchief dance?

Spoiler:

On this note: a waiter on my recent cruise showed a very interesting parlor trick. Take a paper napkin, perhaps draw a spider face on it (not necessary, in my opinion). Press the napkin down around an ordinary apple, so that the apple is covered, but the napkin is not underneath at any point.

Now roll the result across the table. It looks very eerie, and alive .... and moves quite erratically due to the uneven roll of the apple. People wonder what it is that's coming at them. Small shrieks, etc. Very neat!

WT Sharpe · 02-23-2014, 12:24 PM

I need a dog like that.

PoP · 02-23-2014, 01:29 PM

Three Blondes are walking in a forest, when all of a sudden, they come across a set of tracks.

The first blonde says: "Those must be deer tracks!"

The second one says: "Nah, they're fox tracks!"

The third one says: "You're both wrong, they're moose tracks!"

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Fbone · 02-23-2014, 05:49 PM

A surefire way to get a man to propose.

orlok · 02-23-2014, 06:22 PM

The mother-in-law dropped in after shopping to find her son-in-law boiling angry and hurriedly packing his suitcase.

"What happened?" she asked anxiously.

"What happened? I'll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife --- your daughter --- telling her I was coming home a day early from my fishing trip. I got home ...and guess what I found? Your daughter, Jean, in bed with a naked guy! This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!"

"Calm down, calm down!" said his mother-in-law. "There's something very odd about that. Jean would never do such a thing. There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her and find out what happened."

A few minutes later, the mother-in-law came back with a big smile and said, "I told you there must be a simple explanation --- she didn't receive your email."

pilotbob · 02-23-2014, 06:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

A surefire way to get a man to propose.

I'll just spend $505 and get the Xbox one and a cracker jack box.

Bookpossum · 02-23-2014, 07:05 PM

I think a ¾ carat diamond might cost a wee bit more than $505!

cromag · 02-23-2014, 09:32 PM

Especially over the long term!

pilotbob · 02-24-2014, 10:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bookpossum

I think a ¾ carat diamond might cost a wee bit more than $505!

Right, that was exactly my point. If I want an XBox One, buy it out right is a better deal than paying for some stupid rock. (Hence the money for the cracker jack's box, which would possible include a ring.)

PoP · 02-24-2014, 12:39 PM

One balmy day in the South Pacific, a navy ship espied smoke coming from one of three huts on an uncharted island.

Upon arriving at the shore they were met by a shipwreck survivor. He said, "I'm so glad you're here! I've been alone on this island for more than five years!"

The captain replied, "If you're all alone on the island why do I see THREE huts."

The survivor said, "Oh. We'll, I live in one, and go to church in another."

"But what about the THIRD hut?" asked the captain.

"That's where I USED to go to church."

Fbone · 02-24-2014, 08:03 PM

Every teacher should have that stamp!

02-21-2014, 11:40 AM	#7549
MJK2111 FUBAR! Posts: 1,946 Karma: 15018767 Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Woodstock, IL Device: Kindle 3, Samsung Galaxy Note 10.1 S	How do you make a handkerchief dance? Spoiler: Blow a little boogie in it...

02-23-2014, 12:24 PM	#7551
WT Sharpe Bah, humbug! Posts: 39,072 Karma: 157049943 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.	I need a dog like that. Attached Thumbnails

02-24-2014, 12:39 PM	#7559
PoP curly᷂͓̫̙᷊̥̮̾ͯͤͭͬͦͨ ʎʌɹnɔ Posts: 3,018 Karma: 50506927 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: ♁ ᴺ₄₅°₃₀' ᵂ₇₃°₃₇' ±₆₀" Device: K3₃.₄.₃ PW3&4₅.₁₃.₃	The Survivor One balmy day in the South Pacific, a navy ship espied smoke coming from one of three huts on an uncharted island. Upon arriving at the shore they were met by a shipwreck survivor. He said, "I'm so glad you're here! I've been alone on this island for more than five years!" The captain replied, "If you're all alone on the island why do I see THREE huts." The survivor said, "Oh. We'll, I live in one, and go to church in another." "But what about the THIRD hut?" asked the captain. "That's where I USED to go to church."

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02-20-2014, 11:07 PM	#7546
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,297 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus

02-21-2014, 06:03 AM	#7547
yvanleterrible Reborn Paper User Posts: 8,616 Karma: 15446734 Join Date: May 2006 Location: Que Nada Device: iPhone8, iPad Air	Whack!!! Is that view from an Australian perspective?

02-23-2014, 01:29 PM	#7552
PoP curly᷂͓̫̙᷊̥̮̾ͯͤͭͬͦͨ ʎʌɹnɔ Posts: 3,018 Karma: 50506927 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: ♁ ᴺ₄₅°₃₀' ᵂ₇₃°₃₇' ±₆₀" Device: K3₃.₄.₃ PW3&4₅.₁₃.₃	Three Blondes are walking in a forest, when all of a sudden, they come across a set of tracks. The first blonde says: "Those must be deer tracks!" The second one says: "Nah, they're fox tracks!" The third one says: "You're both wrong, they're moose tracks!" They were still arguing when the train hit them.

02-23-2014, 05:49 PM	#7553
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,297 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	A surefire way to get a man to propose.

02-23-2014, 06:22 PM	#7554
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	The mother-in-law dropped in after shopping to find her son-in-law boiling angry and hurriedly packing his suitcase. "What happened?" she asked anxiously. "What happened? I'll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife --- your daughter --- telling her I was coming home a day early from my fishing trip. I got home ...and guess what I found? Your daughter, Jean, in bed with a naked guy! This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!" "Calm down, calm down!" said his mother-in-law. "There's something very odd about that. Jean would never do such a thing. There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her and find out what happened." A few minutes later, the mother-in-law came back with a big smile and said, "I told you there must be a simple explanation --- she didn't receive your email."

02-23-2014, 07:05 PM	#7556
Bookpossum Snoozing in the sun Posts: 10,146 Karma: 115423645 Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Melbourne, Australia Device: iPad Mini, Kobo Touch	I think a ¾ carat diamond might cost a wee bit more than $505!

02-23-2014, 09:32 PM	#7557
cromag Surfin the alpha waves ~~ Posts: 26,431 Karma: 459765791 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: New Jersey Device: Jetbook Lite & Mini, Nook STR, Kobo, Hanvon N516, Kindle 2, Androids	Especially over the long term!

02-24-2014, 08:03 PM	#7560
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,297 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Every teacher should have that stamp!