Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 47

pilotbob · 01-28-2010, 04:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by badgoodDeb

(for us across the sea, is Wigan a know team of some sport?)

I assume La Crosse...

BOb

pdurrant · 01-28-2010, 05:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by badgoodDeb

(for us across the sea, is Wigan a know team of some sport?)

A hooker is one of the players on a Rugby Team.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rugby_u...ions#2._Hooker
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rugby_l...sitions#Hooker

Wigan is a town in the UK with a Rugby team.
http://www.wiganwarriors.com/

pshrynk · 01-28-2010, 05:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pilotbob

I assume La Crosse...

BOb

I'm as confused as anyone else!

ShortNCuddlyAm · 01-28-2010, 05:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pshrynk

Quote:

Originally Posted by badgoodDeb

(for us across the sea, is Wigan a know team of some sport?)

Quote:

Originally Posted by pilotbob

I assume La Crosse...

BOb

Quote:

Originally Posted by pshrynk

I'm as confused as anyone else!

I forgot that rugby wouldn't really be known across the sea - sorry

Quote:

Originally Posted by pdurrant

A hooker is one of the players on a Rugby Team.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rugby_u...ions#2._Hooker
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rugby_l...sitions#Hooker

Wigan is a town in the UK with a Rugby team.
http://www.wiganwarriors.com/

Thanks Paul!

Nate the great · 01-28-2010, 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShortNCuddlyAm

I forgot that rugby wouldn't really be known across the sea - sorry

I thought it could be figured out from the context. Failing that, googling "hooker wigan" would have explained it.

pshrynk · 01-28-2010, 05:38 PM

Oh, now that would have been too easy!

badgoodDeb · 01-28-2010, 05:47 PM

Well, I gathered from context that it was a game of sorts! Just wanted to know which.

I enjoyed the joke.

pilotbob · 01-28-2010, 05:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nate the great

I thought it could be figured out from the context. Failing that, googling "hooker wigan" would have explained it.

Hmm... I did that and came up with La Crosse. Oh well. Is there a "hooker" in La Crosse too?

BOb

pshrynk · 01-28-2010, 06:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pilotbob

Hmm... I did that and came up with La Crosse. Oh well. Is there a "hooker" in La Crosse too?

BOb

There are a few. But they mostly look like barflies, since it's too farking cold to stand outside in a leather miniskirt and lacy bra...

badgoodDeb · 01-28-2010, 06:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pilotbob

Hmm... I did that and came up with La Crosse. Oh well. Is there a "hooker" in La Crosse too?

BOb

Quote:

Originally Posted by pshrynk

There are a few. But they mostly look like barflies, since it's too farking cold to stand outside in a leather miniskirt and lacy bra...

Now pshrynkie --- that's regional humor again!! They don't all KNOW that there is a LaCross(e?) , Wisconsin, USA.

(except that it IS the town in your sig, isn't it?)

zelda_pinwheel · 01-28-2010, 07:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pilotbob

Hmm... I did that and came up with La Crosse. Oh well. Is there a "hooker" in La Crosse too?

BOb

Quote:

Originally Posted by pshrynk

There are a few. But they mostly look like barflies, since it's too farking cold to stand outside in a leather miniskirt and lacy bra...

GROAAAAN !!!

pshrynk · 01-28-2010, 07:32 PM

What?

wodin · 01-28-2010, 08:14 PM

ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS

Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution: there is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor! A three second burst would be considered conservative! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.

I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!

wodin · 01-28-2010, 08:15 PM

Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly. One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that." The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man.. They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?" The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think." The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong." The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."
So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?" The old man said, "I thought it was GAS - but I was wrong, too!"

montsnmags · 01-28-2010, 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparrow

Reminds me of a story about an old English music hall star, Marie Lloyd - she had a comic song with the line 'She sits among the cabbages and leeks', but the theatre manger thought it was too ribald and asked her to change it; so she did - to 'She sits among the cabbages and peas.'

Which reminds me of Noel Coward's, "I should love to perform "There Are Fairies in the Bottom of My Garden", but I don't dare. It might come out "There Are Fairies in the Garden of My Bottom."

Cheers,
Marc

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01-28-2010, 05:38 PM	#696
pshrynk Beepbeep n beebeep, yeah! Posts: 11,726 Karma: 8255450 Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: La Crosse, Wisconsin, aka America's IceBox Device: iThingie, KmkII, I miss Zelda!	Oh, now that would have been too easy!

01-28-2010, 05:47 PM	#697
badgoodDeb Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,545 Karma: 64462893 Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Harrisburg outskirts Device: Palms, K1-4s, iPads, iPhones, KV, KO1	Well, I gathered from context that it was a game of sorts! Just wanted to know which. I enjoyed the joke.

01-28-2010, 07:32 PM	#702
pshrynk Beepbeep n beebeep, yeah! Posts: 11,726 Karma: 8255450 Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: La Crosse, Wisconsin, aka America's IceBox Device: iThingie, KmkII, I miss Zelda!	What?

01-28-2010, 08:14 PM	#703
wodin Illiterate Posts: 10,279 Karma: 37848716 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: The Sandwich Isles Device: Samsung Galaxy S10+, Microsoft Surface Pro	ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!! Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this: Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer. The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....?? WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and... HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!! I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room. Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution: there is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor! A three second burst would be considered conservative! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return! PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it! If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!

01-28-2010, 08:15 PM	#704
wodin Illiterate Posts: 10,279 Karma: 37848716 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: The Sandwich Isles Device: Samsung Galaxy S10+, Microsoft Surface Pro	Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly. One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that." The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class." Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man.. They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?" The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think." The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong." The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong." So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?" The old man said, "I thought it was GAS - but I was wrong, too!"