Unutterably Silly Friday's question of the Day 03 Oct 08

[montsnmags]

Originally Posted by digitalzen

Marc, it sounds like you're letting things get out of control on here
...

If by "letting" you mean "encouraging", then, guilty as charged. Lock me up in one of my dungeons (What? You think I don't have an super-secret escape passage pre-configured in every one? )

Perhaps your rascally little squirrels would be up for a match against my uncle? He has a very worrying penchant for going after them with the BB gun . I think some ninja squirrels need to show him who's boss.

They might have a chance. I mean, I did supply their infantry with Superstring Unraveller FUBAR-guns, and they did need the Purcuplanetoid Galaxy-Jumper Carrier for transport ("Purcuplanetoid": so called, because of its size, and that it has such a vast number and variety of long-range Erasure-Guns stuck out from its surface that it resembles the prickly little beast). That, and their Pirate Ninja training might give them a slightly greater than normal chance against a single man with a BB gun.

Enough squirrel talk for now -- it's making me squirrelly.

And thanks btw, it's fun to be here with all you crazies

Yeah, I like all those crazies too. They remind me how positively sane I am.

Originally Posted by pshrynk

Not all of us are crazies. some are attendants.

$300, please, you can pay the lady at the door.

Ahh, you got your "lady" back - Ms. Penny Money. That's nice. Can I flirt?

Cheers,
Marc

[zelda_pinwheel]

Originally Posted by montsnmags

Ahh, you got your "lady" back - Ms. Penny Money. That's nice. Can I flirt?

Cheers,
Marc

we don't know, can you ?

[montsnmags]

Originally Posted by zelda_pinwheel

we don't know, can you ?

Hi, pretty lady, my name is "Doug" - that's "God" spelled backwards, with a little bit of you wrapped up in it. [insert lewd ]

Hmm, no, apparently I can't.

Cheers,
Marc

[pshrynk]

Originally Posted by montsnmags

If by "letting" you mean "encouraging", then, guilty as charged. Lock me up in one of my dungeons (What? You think I don't have an super-secret escape passage pre-configured in every one? )



They might have a chance. I mean, I did supply their infantry with Superstring Unraveller FUBAR-guns, and they did need the Purcuplanetoid Galaxy-Jumper Carrier for transport ("Purcuplanetoid": so called, because of its size, and that it has such a vast number and variety of long-range Erasure-Guns stuck out from its surface that it resembles the prickly little beast). That, and their Pirate Ninja training might give them a slightly greater than normal chance against a single man with a BB gun.



Yeah, I like all those crazies too. They remind me how positively sane I am.



Ahh, you got your "lady" back - Ms. Penny Money. That's nice. Can I flirt?

Cheers,
Marc

Yeah, had to cut costs, what with the economy and all. I'm renting out the super secret escape tunnel, etc to a bunch of short little guys with shoulder mounted rocket launchers and fuzzy tails as a "secret hideaway." Cute little buggers. Must be going out trick or treating later. The youngsters these days just keep getting cuter.

[vivaldirules]

Originally Posted by pshrynk

Yeah, had to cut costs, what with the economy and all. I'm renting out the super secret escape tunnel, etc to a bunch of short little guys with shoulder mounted rocket launchers and fuzzy tails as a "secret hideaway." Cute little buggers. Must be going out trick or treating later. The youngsters these days just keep getting cuter.

Hugo and Lefty?

[zelda_pinwheel]

Originally Posted by vivaldirules

Hugo and Lefty?

i thought taylor was keeping an eye on them ???

[LazyScot]

<Cut to a long shot outside of Fred, where various craft perform the slow ballet of gentle course adjustments. Against this, the silence of space is replaced with the sounds of the Rimsky-Korsakov's orchestration of Mussorsky's A Night on the Bare Mountain.>

With a crescent of the earth visible, the two capsules can be seen detaching and moving slowly away from the station, drifting like feathers in still air. But here, they are set against the inky, unforgiving blackness of space. One capsule can be seen arcing back towards the earth, and moving gently out of shot. As this capsule glides away, departing from sight and into the safety of the earth's embrace, the camera pans across and concentrates on Fred and the remaining capsule. Adjusting to the darkness, another, dark craft becomes visible, as do a few stars. Then more stars, and then just as the camera stops panning, at the very edges of the shot, just visible and holding its position is a large, white sphere carrying a small flag, and the letters "USSM".

It becomes clear that the strange, dark craft is slowly moving towards the capsule, intent on docking with the capsule or perhaps capturing it. Then the craft fires what looks like a cable towards the capsule, just as the capsule changes direction causing the cable to miss. This slow course adjustment starts the capsule looping back towards Fred, as if, maybe, to hide behind it.

The dark craft accelerates after the capsule, reeling in the cable; whilst clearly faster than the capsule it, too, seems limited to simple movements. But this time it is less subtle towards the capsule, and fires a more deadly weapon. But again the capsule performs an unexpected turn moving now towards the docking ports at one end of the bedecked giant white cylinder that is Fred. This time the capsule is not quite so lucky; the weapon just touches the edge of the capsule for the briefest of instants, apparently causing almost no damage.

A third time the dark craft fires at the capsule. But the capsule course remains unchanged, and the dark craft's aim is true—this time hitting the capsule. Now punctured, the capsule starts spinning. Jets of vented atmosphere are clearly visible as white fountains glittering in the reflect sunlight and impart unplanned vectors onto the track of the capsule. Almost instantly, the capsules own jets add to the gases gathering around Fred, and attempt to correct the spinning and tumbling of the capsule.

Again the dark craft fires at the capsule, but using the cable, and once again the dark craft is on target. Suddenly the capsule's spin and tumble fight with the cable, and the strange dark craft is thrown, unexpectedly, as the cable strains against the two dancing craft, each seeking its own direction and rhythm. But the spin and tumble and jets are too much and rebuff the cable, just as the atmosphere of the capsule is exhausted and the white fountains fade. The brief dance ends and with energies expended, and the spin and tumble of the capsule slow.

The gently spinning capsule moves round past the docking ports on Fred, as if still trying to hide, its jets fighting the remaining spin and tumble while struggling to reach some unknown goal. As the capsule drifts behind Fred, the dark craft slows and corrects its dance-confused trajectory as it tries to follow the capsule. It comes to a brief stop, a bare meter from Fred.

All the thrusters on Fred fire.

And Fred lurches forward.

The dark craft notices this almost instantly, and starts moving. Bare seconds afterwards numbers of pin-points of light start cutting their way out of Fred, like some evil maggot infestation vacating a carcass. But Newton and his Laws not easily cheated, and Fred moves onwards.

The dark craft accelerates. And with a painful slowness Fred heads blindly onwards. The meter separating them becomes half a meter—the dark craft needs to move but three. Then the separation is 25 centimetres, and accelerating, dark craft needs move but another two. Then the light beams, one by one, start to finish their work, start to finish dissecting Fred. No longer is Fred one body, but two, then three, and then more. And now the dark craft needs move barely a half meter to safety.

But the first parts of Fred collide with the dark craft, and then others, and storage containers, and fuel cells. And amongst this chaos, some light-beams continue cutting as collapsing tanks that hit the dark craft. Then reagents mix, and a silent explosion throws debris out.

[Slite]

Originally Posted by pshrynk

Not all of us are crazies. some are attendants.

$300, please, you can pay the lady at the door.

Unless of course, he is aware of the supersecret escape tunnel, which Neko always seems to ignore...

[LazyScot]

And once more the thread necromancer starts to cast his eldritch incantations. Strange, powerful words are uttered. "Advanced Search", "User", "New Reply" are but a few. And with a tiny effort that nearly exhausts him, he succeeds. The thread is dragged from its deep slumber, and raised slowly back to the front page.....

The Story so Far:

Terrified by the onslaught of, amongst other things, the evil pirate ninja hyper-intelligent squirrels, LazyScot had sought refuge under the bed in the bunker. However, Evil-Marc, who is in league with the squirrels, sought to extract him by pouring large numbers into the bunker with him. The resulting explosion hurled LazyScot (still under the bed) skyward, and covered EvilMarc and Slite in a poisonious backwash which affected their speech. Meanwhile, LazyScot appeared on military radar as he continued spaceward. Attempts to intercept LazyScot failed, and he, and the bed, eventually made it to the space station Fred, which immediately came under attack. Meanwhile, EvilMarc, Slite and the Squirrels left the bunker site, and heading to who knows where, met a team sent to investigate. The team did not survive the encounter and EvilMarc and company continued on the way. Meanwhile, LazyScot and the space station crew abandoned their craft as space-going squirrels pressed home their attack. In the battle the space station was destroyed, damaging the squirrels' craft, and leaving LazyScot plummeting earthwards.

[LazyScot]

<cut back to the military control room, bare moments after the first commands where issued to Space Control. An air of hope and anticipation pervades the area as the personnel wait for news.>

"Ma'am," interrupted another junior comms officer. "I have information from the CDC/EPA liaison. I believe this is important."

"Go ahead," said the commander, without her eyes leaving the space liaison officer.

"Almost the last transmission from the site included an isotope and chemical analysis of the bio-weapon. The site couldn't identify the source from the resources available so they passed it back to the base. The isotopes have traces of an unusual set of heavy metals that they were probably contaminants. The isotope match indicates that they came from an abandoned mine about 10 miles from the site. Their assessment is that it is most likely that the weapons were manufactured, or at very least stored, at that mine."

"A mine?" turning, she asked, "Can we take a mine out with the weapons available to the airborne strike force, without going nuclear?"

"With high probability, yes," replied an officer confidently.

"Very well, direct the force to that target, adjust the plan as necessary, but do not attack. I'd feel better with further confirmation."

"Ma'am, I have a report from SigInt. They believe we are about to come under attack."

"Explain."

"A radio message was intercepted that appeared to order an attack on us. This appeared to originate from the Rangers site at about the time they were attacked."

"We're already locked up; there's not a lot they can do."

"With due respect, Ma'am, those Rangers probably thought they could cope," replied the office to a glare from the commander.

"Can SigInt find out where the signal was sent?"

"Ma'am" came very unexpectedly from speakers in the control room. "NEACP here; we're monitoring you, and we confirm we are ready to execute General Order 73."

"I understand; I confirm presidential authority will also transfer," said the commander to NEACP, and then "Get me the officer in charge of the reconnaissance team."

"It's now a relief force," replied the relevant officer.

"A relief force?" she queried, with a tone used by mothers on children in serious hot water.

"We have a duty… an honor, to provide all assistance needed. We do not leave our people in danger. A reconnaissance force was inappropriate; the relief force can reconnoitre, and more. If there was anything we can do to offer succour, we must, and do it in a timely fashion. Lives may depend on speed of assistance," a brief pause and he continued, looking straight at the commander. "I trained with some of those there, and my brother is with them."

"So you acted of your own accord?"

"Yes. I was trained to."

"You never override an order. If you dislike it, you raise your issue with me. We will discuss this later. Put the relief force commander on."

"Yes Ma'am."

"Can you confirm the disposition of your forces, and the orders you have received?" ask the commander of the officer in charge of the relief force.

"We have two platoons of marines, four medivac 'copters with a full surgery team and a squadron of attack helicopters, one fully surveillance equipped. Our orders are to assess the safety of the site, identify the source of the attack, if at all possible land, render assistance, secure the site and provide a further analysis of the attack."

"Very good. Have you been given any indication of the attackers or the source."

"No Ma'am."

"Right. It is vital you look for indication of the source of the attack, unprejudiced by anything. We have an initial indication, but need confirmation. That must be your top priority. Clear?"

"Crystal, Ma'am. We'll arrive in a few seconds."

"Ma'am." said the space liaison officer. "We've almost got the new target in position. Can you confirm that you want us to use Fred to—"

"Do It!"

[zelda_pinwheel]

sweet baby jesus on a cracker, the suspense is unbearable !!