Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 37

kennyc · 11-13-2009, 06:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mores

Come on, people ... stick to the jokes. I get notifications and click on the link to get me a laugh, only to find more silly responses.
...

Okay that's it, I'm outta here.

kennyc · 11-13-2009, 06:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mores

Come on, people ... stick to the jokes. I get notifications and click on the link to get me a laugh, only to find more silly responses.
...
In Conclusion:If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

You promised me funny. Not funny.

Today is Doughnut day at work though.

columbus · 11-13-2009, 06:41 AM

Doughnuts are like women. Some are fresh, some are stale, some are crummy.

kennyc · 11-13-2009, 06:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by columbus

Doughnuts are like women. Some are fresh, some are stale, some are crummy.

kennyc · 11-13-2009, 06:55 AM

Some of you might want to be excused from reading these, it's okay if so.

CREATIVE PUNS FOR "EDUCATED MINDS"

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.. The police are looking into it.
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.
22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your Count that votes.
23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion
24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

Slite · 11-13-2009, 07:13 AM

*groan* *groan* And some more *groan*

kennyc · 11-13-2009, 07:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Slite

*groan* *groan* And some more *groan*

Doughnuts are served.

Lady Blue · 11-13-2009, 07:34 AM

Just for groans and giggles?

WT Sharpe · 11-13-2009, 08:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kennyc

... CREATIVE PUNS FOR "EDUCATED MINDS" ...

There are a few really good puns there, Kenny!

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

Love that one.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

Did you hear about the worker at the food processing plant who got fired for sticking his .. um .. “Worker, Jr.” in the pickle slicer?

They fired her, too.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

They have no invisible means of support.

24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

I love what Voltaire said about sects in The Philosophical Dictionary: “There are no sects in geometry; one does not speak of a Euclidian, an Archimedean.”

Lycoming · 11-13-2009, 09:57 AM

Dear God, please send clothes for all those poor ladies on grandpa's computer

Amen."

Lycoming · 11-13-2009, 03:42 PM

When a woman wears a leather dress …
A man’s heart beats quicker
His throat gets dry
He goes weak in the knees
And he begins to think irrationally.

Ever wonder why?

It’s because she smells like a new car.

Lycoming · 11-13-2009, 03:51 PM

A Powerful Message from Stevie Wonder On Michael Jackson’s Death…

This is quite touching.
……. .. … … .. …..
.. . . … . . . . . .. . .. …. .. .. . … . .
… … .. … … … …. …. …… … … … …. ….. .. .
.. . . … .. . . . ..
… . …. … …. …. …
…… …. …. …. ….. ….. ….. .. . . …. ….
. .. .
. . .. . .. . …
……. … … … .. … ……. … .. …. … … ….. ….
. .. .. .
.. ….
.. . . . . . .. .. … ..
.. …. .. … … ……. …… …..
Deep stuff, huh?
I nearly cried when he said, “. .. . . . .. .. … .. … . . …. ….”

gollu · 11-14-2009, 12:36 PM

Aer Lingus Flight 101 was flying from Heathrow to Dublin one night,with Paddy the Pilot, and Shamus the co-pilot. As they approached Dublin airport, they looked out the front window. "B'jeesus" said Paddy "Will ye look at how fookin short dat runway is". "You're not fookin kiddin, Paddy" replied Shamus. "Dis is gonna be one a'de trickiest landings you're ever gonna see" said Paddy. "You're not fookin kiddin, Paddy" replied Shamus. "Right Shamus. When I give de signal, you put de engines in reverse" said Paddy. "Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus. "And den ye put de flaps down straight away" said Paddy "Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus. "And den ye stamp on dem brakes as hard as ye can" said Paddy "Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus. "And den ye pray to de Mother Mary with all a' your soul" said Paddy "I be doing dat already" replied Shamus.

So they approached the runway with Paddy and Shamus full of nerves and sweaty palms. As soon as the wheels hit the ground, Shamus put the engines in reverse, put the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and prayed to Mother Mary with all of his soul. Amidst roaring engines, squealing of tyres and lots of smoke, the plane screeched to a halt centimetres from the end of the runway, much to the relief of Paddy and Shamus and everyone on board. As they sat in the cockpit regaining their composure, Paddy looked out the front window and said to Shamus "Dat has gotta be de' shortest fookin runway I have EVER seen in me whole life". Shamus looked out the side window and replied "Yeah Paddy, but look how fookin wide it is".

mores · 11-14-2009, 04:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kennyc

alla dem

Amazing! Awesome. I actually spit on my laptop while laughing

mores · 11-14-2009, 04:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gollu

Aer Lingus Flight 101 was flying from Heathrow to Dublin one night,with Paddy the Pilot, and Shamus the co-pilot.

Fookin great!!!

11-13-2009, 09:57 AM	#550
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	A Prayer for Grandpa. Dear God, please send clothes for all those poor ladies on grandpa's computer Amen."

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11-13-2009, 06:41 AM	#543
columbus Wizard Posts: 999 Karma: 5487540 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: In my own imagination. Device: Sony Prs 650, 505	Doughnuts are like women. Some are fresh, some are stale, some are crummy.

11-13-2009, 06:55 AM	#545
kennyc The Dank Side of the Moon Posts: 35,907 Karma: 119230421 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Denver, CO Device: Kindle2; Kindle Fire	Some of you might want to be excused from reading these, it's okay if so. CREATIVE PUNS FOR "EDUCATED MINDS" 1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian . 3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. 4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption. 5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. 6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. 7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. 8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. 9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. 10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.. The police are looking into it. 12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.' 14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. 15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.' 16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.' 17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. 19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. 20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. 21. A backward poet writes inverse. 22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your Count that votes. 23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion 24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

11-13-2009, 07:13 AM	#546
Slite Icanhasdonuts? Posts: 2,837 Karma: 532407 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Mölnbo, Sweden Device: Kobo Aura 2nd edition, Kobo Clara HD	groan groan And some more groan

11-13-2009, 07:34 AM	#548
Lady Blue the snarky blue one Posts: 6,001 Karma: 3877825 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: deep in the heart Device: PRS500, 505 & 600, PRST1 & T2, Kindle PW, Moto Razr, Galaxy Tab 2-10"	Just for groans and giggles?

11-13-2009, 03:42 PM	#551
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	When a woman wears a leather dress … A man’s heart beats quicker His throat gets dry He goes weak in the knees And he begins to think irrationally. Ever wonder why? It’s because she smells like a new car.

11-13-2009, 03:51 PM	#552
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	A Powerful Message from Stevie Wonder On Michael Jackson’s Death… This is quite touching. ……. .. … … .. ….. .. . . … . . . . . .. . .. …. .. .. . … . . … … .. … … … …. …. …… … … … …. ….. .. . .. . . … .. . . . .. … . …. … …. …. … …… …. …. …. ….. ….. ….. .. . . …. …. . .. . . . .. . .. . … ……. … … … .. … ……. … .. …. … … ….. …. . .. .. . .. …. .. . . . . . .. .. … .. .. …. .. … … ……. …… ….. Deep stuff, huh? I nearly cried when he said, “. .. . . . .. .. … .. … . . …. ….”

11-14-2009, 12:36 PM	#553
gollu Unsullied Posts: 249 Karma: 759693 Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Israel Device: Kindle 2i	Aer Lingus Flight 101 was flying from Heathrow to Dublin one night,with Paddy the Pilot, and Shamus the co-pilot. As they approached Dublin airport, they looked out the front window. "B'jeesus" said Paddy "Will ye look at how fookin short dat runway is". "You're not fookin kiddin, Paddy" replied Shamus. "Dis is gonna be one a'de trickiest landings you're ever gonna see" said Paddy. "You're not fookin kiddin, Paddy" replied Shamus. "Right Shamus. When I give de signal, you put de engines in reverse" said Paddy. "Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus. "And den ye put de flaps down straight away" said Paddy "Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus. "And den ye stamp on dem brakes as hard as ye can" said Paddy "Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus. "And den ye pray to de Mother Mary with all a' your soul" said Paddy "I be doing dat already" replied Shamus. So they approached the runway with Paddy and Shamus full of nerves and sweaty palms. As soon as the wheels hit the ground, Shamus put the engines in reverse, put the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and prayed to Mother Mary with all of his soul. Amidst roaring engines, squealing of tyres and lots of smoke, the plane screeched to a halt centimetres from the end of the runway, much to the relief of Paddy and Shamus and everyone on board. As they sat in the cockpit regaining their composure, Paddy looked out the front window and said to Shamus "Dat has gotta be de' shortest fookin runway I have EVER seen in me whole life". Shamus looked out the side window and replied "Yeah Paddy, but look how fookin wide it is".