Unutterably Silly Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day

[Bookpossum]

The latest gadget:

[Fbone]

A young boy about five or six years was talking on the telephone. As his dad listened on, the youngster told his grandparents dejectedly, "Mom is in the hospital, so the twins and Roxie, Billy, Sally, the dog, and me and Dad are all home alone."

[Figlilly]

UNIVERSAL LAWS

1.Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity- Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability-The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4.Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

6.Variation Law -If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters-The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result- When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13.Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces- The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15.Law of Logical Argument- Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16.Brown's Law of Physical Appearance- If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking- A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18.Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy-As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19.Doctors' Law- If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

[steven522]

A priest walks into a bar and says, "Ouch! I've got to remember to take that down after doing my chin-ups."

[red_phoenix]

Originally Posted by steven522

A priest walks into a bar and says, "Ouch! I've got to remember to take that down after doing my chin-ups."

[steven522]

My daughter asked for help on her homework. She said the teacher wanted them to come up with an "original idea" for a short story.

I put on a most serious look and deadpanned, "That's going to be tough. Everything that can be done has already been done. There are no more 'original ideas' left."

Without blinking, she replied, "Yeah, I've heard that before..."

[wodin]

An old man was on his death bed when he called for his attorney, when the Solicitor arrived, the man told him he wanted to change his political party affiliation.

The lawyer exclaimed, “Why Mr. Wodin, you’ve been a staunch lifelong Republican, and now at the end of your life you want to become a Democrat? Whyever would you want to do that?”

The old man with his last breath whispered in the lawyer’s ear “One less Democrat!”

[HomeInMyShoes]

That makes me laugh on so many levels.

[Fbone]

Public transportation notice: "When you exit this vehicle, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step. If you fail to do so, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you."

[steven522]

Two au jus walk into a french restaurant...

[orlok]

[Fbone]

This is the story of a woman flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.

The pilot has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic, calls out a “May Day.” "May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead. And I don't know how to fly. Help me! Oh, please help me!"

She hears a voice over the radio saying: "This is Air Traffic Control in Atlanta and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. Please, be patient; I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be just fine, young lady!"

"Now… give me your height and position."

She replies, "Uh, well, I'm 5'4" and I support Barack Obama."

"O.K.," says the voice on the radio. "NOW, repeat after me: Our Father, Who art in Heaven...

[WT Sharpe]

This is a gentle reminder that the Politics and Religion forum seems a better place for a couple of the more recent jokes.

[icantbebothered]

Wanted dead and alive:

Schrodinger's cat.

[WT Sharpe]

Originally Posted by icantbebothered

Wanted dead and alive:

Schrodinger's cat.