Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 350

yvanleterrible · 08-10-2012, 05:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by James_Wilde

Oh, I don't know. What kind of cheapskate, sorry economically-minded person, are you, Daithi?

There's a plus for Canadian currency; "ones" and "twos" are coins. A cheap skate is immediately more exposed than the stripper!

hidari · 08-10-2012, 06:54 AM

Ok... how about some of the famous novels that have been written over the years?...like

Under the grand stands by Semour Butts.

Fifty yards to the outhouse by I.P. Daily

and

Rusty Bedsprings by I.P. Nightly.....

steven522 · 08-10-2012, 09:44 AM

I hear Max Brooks has a new documentary-style novel coming out soon about a world-wide primate uprising and humanity's battle against them.

It's to be called: "Chim Pan Z"

Fbone · 08-10-2012, 08:33 PM

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I "had" any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

Fbone · 08-12-2012, 10:30 PM

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night."
"Have you tried counting sheep?"
"That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."

Stitchawl · 08-12-2012, 11:04 PM

Two good ones in a row, Fbone! You're on a roll!

Stitchawl

orlok · 08-13-2012, 01:13 AM

I tried to log on to my computer this morning but it wouldn't let me in.

I shouted to my wife, "Babe, have you changed the password on the PC?"

"Yes honey."

"What is it?"

"It's the date of our anniversary."

Damn. She did that just to spite me...

Stitchawl · 08-13-2012, 02:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

I tried to log on to my computer this morning but it wouldn't let me in.

I shouted to my wife, "Babe, have you changed the password on the PC?"

"Yes honey."

"What is it?"

"It's the date of our anniversary."

Damn. She did that just to spite me...

That why I got married on Valentine's Day!

Stitchawl

yvanleterrible · 08-13-2012, 06:12 AM

We got married on her birthday... One gift. But soooo major!

Makes it really easy to remember the date(s)...

wodin · 08-13-2012, 02:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

That why I got married on Valentine's Day!

Stitchawl

Oh? When is that?

wodin · 08-13-2012, 02:47 PM

WHY I'M SOOOO DEPRESSED!!

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land."

Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land."

Today, Congress has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of Camels and mortgaged the Promised Land!

I was so depressed last night thinking about Health Care Plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc . .. . I called a Suicide Hotline.

I had to press 1 for English. Then I was connected to a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck......

People ... we are screwed!

Fbone · 08-13-2012, 06:20 PM

A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He said, "Call for backup."

Fbone · 08-14-2012, 10:49 PM

A poor report card has one good thing in its favor: at least you know the student is not cheating.

Daithi · 08-15-2012, 01:11 AM

My son brought home his report card last year and the teacher had written a note on the bottom that said---

Quote:

If your son was any dumber, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

badgoodDeb · 08-15-2012, 01:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

A poor report card has one good thing in its favor: at least you know the student is not cheating.

Or at least, that he's not very good at it!

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08-10-2012, 06:54 AM	#5237
hidari MR Drone Posts: 1,613 Karma: 15612282 Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: DRONEZONE Device: PB360+, Huawei MP5, Libra H20	Ok... how about some of the famous novels that have been written over the years?...like Under the grand stands by Semour Butts. Fifty yards to the outhouse by I.P. Daily and Rusty Bedsprings by I.P. Nightly.....

08-10-2012, 09:44 AM	#5238
steven522 binomial: homo legentem Posts: 1,061 Karma: 25222222 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Alabama, USA Device: iriver Story HD; Archos 80 G9	I hear Max Brooks has a new documentary-style novel coming out soon about a world-wide primate uprising and humanity's battle against them. It's to be called: "Chim Pan Z"

08-10-2012, 08:33 PM	#5239
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,297 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I "had" any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

08-12-2012, 10:30 PM	#5240
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,297 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night." "Have you tried counting sheep?" "That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."

08-12-2012, 11:04 PM	#5241
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	Two good ones in a row, Fbone! You're on a roll! Stitchawl

08-13-2012, 01:13 AM	#5242
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	I tried to log on to my computer this morning but it wouldn't let me in. I shouted to my wife, "Babe, have you changed the password on the PC?" "Yes honey." "What is it?" "It's the date of our anniversary." Damn. She did that just to spite me...

08-13-2012, 06:12 AM	#5244
yvanleterrible Reborn Paper User Posts: 8,616 Karma: 15446734 Join Date: May 2006 Location: Que Nada Device: iPhone8, iPad Air	We got married on her birthday... One gift. But soooo major! Makes it really easy to remember the date(s)...

08-13-2012, 02:47 PM	#5246
wodin Illiterate Posts: 10,279 Karma: 37848716 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: The Sandwich Isles Device: Samsung Galaxy S10+, Microsoft Surface Pro	WHY I'M SOOOO DEPRESSED!! Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land." Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land." Today, Congress has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of Camels and mortgaged the Promised Land! I was so depressed last night thinking about Health Care Plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc . .. . I called a Suicide Hotline. I had to press 1 for English. Then I was connected to a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck...... People ... we are screwed!

08-13-2012, 06:20 PM	#5247
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,297 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He said, "Call for backup."

08-14-2012, 10:49 PM	#5248
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,297 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	A poor report card has one good thing in its favor: at least you know the student is not cheating.