Silliness Terrible Jokes - Page 35

DNSB · 01-15-2025, 07:41 PM

How did the chicken with no legs cross the road?
In a KFC bucket.

afv011 · 01-15-2025, 10:55 PM

Why did the chicken join a band?

Because it had the drumsticks

DNSB · 01-15-2025, 11:15 PM

Ed came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep sleep.
He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, "You died in your sleep, Ed."
Ed was stunned. "I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!"
St. Peter said, "I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken."
Ed was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground.

A rooster strolled past. "So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?"
"Not bad," replied Ed the hen, "but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!"
"You're ovulating," explained the rooster. "Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?"
"Never," said Ed.
"Well, just relax and let it happen," says the rooster. "It's no big deal."
He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming.
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard.....

Spoiler:

Comfy.n · 01-15-2025, 11:57 PM

Sirtel · 01-16-2025, 08:29 AM

The Coolidge effect is a biological phenomenon whereby males exhibit more interest in new females than in their current partners.
Where does the term come from? It's attributed to an old joke about Calvin Coolidge when he was President of the United States.

The President and Mrs. Coolidge were being shown (separately) around an experimental government farm. When Mrs. Coolidge came to the chicken yard she noticed that a rooster was mating very frequently. She asked the attendant how often that happened and was told, "Dozens of times each day." Mrs. Coolidge said, "Tell that to the President when he comes by." Upon being told, the President asked, "Same hen every time?" The reply was, "Oh, no, Mr. President, a different hen every time." President: "Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge."

ownedbycats · 01-24-2025, 09:11 AM

Heartbreaking: local cat has never been fed in entire life, says local cat.

Comfy.n · 01-24-2025, 09:30 AM

https://www.reddit.com/r/cats/commen...ed_in/ec8uifm/

lol

DNSB · 01-24-2025, 04:36 PM

Reminds me of this title page...

ownedbycats · 01-24-2025, 04:50 PM

Click image for larger version

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Sirtel · 01-24-2025, 05:10 PM

I would sure prefer my cats to eat me instead of nobly starving to death.

DNSB · 01-24-2025, 10:16 PM

I sure that you being dead when the cats started feasting might not care but think of the people who would have to break into your apartment after the smell started filling the building and had to find your feasted upon corpse. You are willing to be responsible for their nightmares and years of therapy for PTSD?

Perhaps we should abandon cats and think about a dog curled up beside your bed starving to death?

DNSB · 01-24-2025, 10:18 PM

Getting vaguely back on topic:

What does the lion say to his pride before they go out hunting for food?
“Let us prey.”

Sirtel · 01-25-2025, 02:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DNSB

I sure that you being dead when the cats started feasting might not care but think of the people who would have to break into your apartment after the smell started filling the building and had to find your feasted upon corpse. You are willing to be responsible for their nightmares and years of therapy for PTSD?

It would be the police breaking in, not random people. The police has seen much worse things.

DNSB · 01-25-2025, 03:11 AM

A man walks into a bar with a cat and dog. They all sit down and the bartender says “What can I get you?” The dog looks squarely at the bartender and says “I’ll take a Vodka, the guy will take a water, and the cat will take a Scotch.” The bartender, in shocks, says to the dog, “This is AMAZING! You’re a dog that can talk…” The guy looks at the bartender, and says, “Don’t be fooled, the cat is a ventriloquist.”

Yet another feeble attempt to drag this thread back onto topic...

afv011 · 01-25-2025, 12:12 PM

Why did the cat sit on the computer?

Because it wanted to keep an eye on the mouse!

01-15-2025, 11:15 PM	#513
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,343 Karma: 169098492 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Ed came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep sleep. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, "You died in your sleep, Ed." Ed was stunned. "I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!" St. Peter said, "I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken." Ed was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground. A rooster strolled past. "So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?" "Not bad," replied Ed the hen, "but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!" "You're ovulating," explained the rooster. "Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?" "Never," said Ed. "Well, just relax and let it happen," says the rooster. "It's no big deal." He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming. As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard..... Spoiler: "Ed, wake up! You pooped the bed!"

01-24-2025, 04:36 PM	#518
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,343 Karma: 169098492 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Reminds me of this title page... Attached Thumbnails

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01-15-2025, 07:41 PM	#511
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,343 Karma: 169098492 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	How did the chicken with no legs cross the road? In a KFC bucket.

01-15-2025, 10:55 PM	#512
afv011 Captain Penguin Posts: 2,965 Karma: 2079999999 Join Date: May 2009 Location: Seattle, WA Device: Kobo Clara BW, Kobo Libra 2, Nook Glowlight	Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks

01-15-2025, 11:57 PM	#514
Comfy.n want to learn what I want Posts: 1,612 Karma: 7891011 Join Date: Sep 2020 Device: none

01-16-2025, 08:29 AM	#515
Sirtel Grand Sorcerer Posts: 13,502 Karma: 240000001 Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: Estonia Device: Kobo Sage & Libra 2	The Coolidge effect is a biological phenomenon whereby males exhibit more interest in new females than in their current partners. Where does the term come from? It's attributed to an old joke about Calvin Coolidge when he was President of the United States. The President and Mrs. Coolidge were being shown (separately) around an experimental government farm. When Mrs. Coolidge came to the chicken yard she noticed that a rooster was mating very frequently. She asked the attendant how often that happened and was told, "Dozens of times each day." Mrs. Coolidge said, "Tell that to the President when he comes by." Upon being told, the President asked, "Same hen every time?" The reply was, "Oh, no, Mr. President, a different hen every time." President: "Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge."

01-24-2025, 09:11 AM	#516
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 10,999 Karma: 75337983 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	Heartbreaking: local cat has never been fed in entire life, says local cat.

01-24-2025, 09:30 AM	#517
Comfy.n want to learn what I want Posts: 1,612 Karma: 7891011 Join Date: Sep 2020 Device: none	https://www.reddit.com/r/cats/commen...ed_in/ec8uifm/ lol

01-24-2025, 04:50 PM	#519
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 10,999 Karma: 75337983 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD

01-24-2025, 05:10 PM	#520
Sirtel Grand Sorcerer Posts: 13,502 Karma: 240000001 Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: Estonia Device: Kobo Sage & Libra 2	I would sure prefer my cats to eat me instead of nobly starving to death.

01-24-2025, 10:16 PM	#521
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,343 Karma: 169098492 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	I sure that you being dead when the cats started feasting might not care but think of the people who would have to break into your apartment after the smell started filling the building and had to find your feasted upon corpse. You are willing to be responsible for their nightmares and years of therapy for PTSD? Perhaps we should abandon cats and think about a dog curled up beside your bed starving to death?

01-24-2025, 10:18 PM	#522
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,343 Karma: 169098492 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Getting vaguely back on topic: What does the lion say to his pride before they go out hunting for food? “Let us prey.”

Advert

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01-25-2025, 03:11 AM	#524
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,343 Karma: 169098492 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	A man walks into a bar with a cat and dog. They all sit down and the bartender says “What can I get you?” The dog looks squarely at the bartender and says “I’ll take a Vodka, the guy will take a water, and the cat will take a Scotch.” The bartender, in shocks, says to the dog, “This is AMAZING! You’re a dog that can talk…” The guy looks at the bartender, and says, “Don’t be fooled, the cat is a ventriloquist.” Yet another feeble attempt to drag this thread back onto topic...

01-25-2025, 12:12 PM	#525
afv011 Captain Penguin Posts: 2,965 Karma: 2079999999 Join Date: May 2009 Location: Seattle, WA Device: Kobo Clara BW, Kobo Libra 2, Nook Glowlight	Why did the cat sit on the computer? Because it wanted to keep an eye on the mouse!