Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 347

Fbone · 07-28-2012, 01:49 AM

An honest seven-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Smith had kissed her after class.
"How did that happen?" gasped her mother.
"It wasn't easy" admitted the young lady, "but three girls helped me catch him."

orlok · 07-28-2012, 06:59 AM

An old farmer won ten million in the Lottery. Naturally he was asked what he was going do with all that money.

He scratched his head for a moment, then said, "Not sure as I know right off. Guess I'll keep farmin' till it's all gone."

poohbear_nc · 07-28-2012, 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daithi

That joke was epic.

*snicker*

issybird · 07-28-2012, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bookpossum

For issybird and other Homer fans:

Fbone · 07-30-2012, 01:15 AM

A little boy took the chair at the barbershop.
"How would you like your hair cut today, son?" asked the barber.
"Oh, do it like you do Daddy's, with the big hole at the back."

Bookpossum · 07-30-2012, 02:37 AM

A joke given to me by a Polish friend:

A Polish migrant applied for a driver’s licence. At the required eyesight test, the optician showed him a card with the letters:
C Z W I N O S T A C H
“Can you read this?” asked the optician.
“Read it?” the Polish guy replied, “I know the chap.”

Figlilly · 07-30-2012, 07:05 AM

The wife left a note on the fridge.........

"It's not working!! I can't take it anymore, I've gone to stay at my Mums!"
I opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold.........

Who knows what she was on about!!

orlok · 07-30-2012, 11:54 AM

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

steven522 · 07-30-2012, 02:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

Groooooaaaaaannnnnnnn!!!!!!

Yesterday I saw a subliminal advertising agent...
...but only for a second.

Figlilly · 07-31-2012, 02:40 AM

During his physical examination, a doctor asked a man about his physical activity level.
He described a typical day this way:

"Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk about 7km through some
pretty rough terrain.
I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles.
I got sand in my shoes and my eyes.
I avoided standing on a snake. I climbed several rocky hills.
I took a few 'leaks' behind some big trees.
The mental stress of it all left me shattered.
At the end of it all I drank eight beers"

Inspired by the story, the doctor said,
"You must be one hell of an outdoors man!"

"No," he replied,

"I'm just a bad golfer".

Fbone · 08-01-2012, 08:33 PM

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Bookpossum · 08-02-2012, 01:10 AM

Okay: time for another old Punch cartoon:

steven522 · 08-03-2012, 03:52 PM

Fbone · 08-03-2012, 05:58 PM

If things get better with age, I'm approaching magnificent!

dreams · 08-04-2012, 02:28 AM

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re next.”

They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

08-02-2012, 01:10 AM	#5202
Bookpossum Snoozing in the sun Posts: 10,146 Karma: 115423645 Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Melbourne, Australia Device: iPad Mini, Kobo Touch	Okay: time for another old Punch cartoon: Attached Thumbnails

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Add from the Mobile Read Library?	danwdoo	Calibre	8	12-03-2014 06:03 PM
Good Day Eh!! :-)	Gedvondur	Introduce Yourself	12	07-22-2010 12:16 AM
Classic Is there a way to lighten the background?	rlsamson	Barnes & Noble NOOK	3	06-30-2010 04:56 PM
Read-in-Microsoft-Reader 1.1.3 add-in released	Alexander Turcic	Reading and Management	2	02-20-2006 03:47 AM

07-28-2012, 01:49 AM	#5191
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,297 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	An honest seven-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Smith had kissed her after class. "How did that happen?" gasped her mother. "It wasn't easy" admitted the young lady, "but three girls helped me catch him."

07-28-2012, 06:59 AM	#5192
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	An old farmer won ten million in the Lottery. Naturally he was asked what he was going do with all that money. He scratched his head for a moment, then said, "Not sure as I know right off. Guess I'll keep farmin' till it's all gone."

07-30-2012, 01:15 AM	#5195
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,297 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	A little boy took the chair at the barbershop. "How would you like your hair cut today, son?" asked the barber. "Oh, do it like you do Daddy's, with the big hole at the back."

07-30-2012, 02:37 AM	#5196
Bookpossum Snoozing in the sun Posts: 10,146 Karma: 115423645 Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Melbourne, Australia Device: iPad Mini, Kobo Touch	A joke given to me by a Polish friend: A Polish migrant applied for a driver’s licence. At the required eyesight test, the optician showed him a card with the letters: C Z W I N O S T A C H “Can you read this?” asked the optician. “Read it?” the Polish guy replied, “I know the chap.”

07-30-2012, 07:05 AM	#5197
Figlilly Zealot Posts: 122 Karma: 2514066 Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Australia Device: Kindle Oasis 2&3, Paperwhites, Kindle Touch, Kobo Clara, IPad Air2	The wife left a note on the fridge......... "It's not working!! I can't take it anymore, I've gone to stay at my Mums!" I opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold......... Who knows what she was on about!!

07-30-2012, 11:54 AM	#5198
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

07-31-2012, 02:40 AM	#5200
Figlilly Zealot Posts: 122 Karma: 2514066 Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Australia Device: Kindle Oasis 2&3, Paperwhites, Kindle Touch, Kobo Clara, IPad Air2	During his physical examination, a doctor asked a man about his physical activity level. He described a typical day this way: "Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk about 7km through some pretty rough terrain. I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles. I got sand in my shoes and my eyes. I avoided standing on a snake. I climbed several rocky hills. I took a few 'leaks' behind some big trees. The mental stress of it all left me shattered. At the end of it all I drank eight beers" Inspired by the story, the doctor said, "You must be one hell of an outdoors man!" "No," he replied, "I'm just a bad golfer".

08-01-2012, 08:33 PM	#5201
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,297 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

08-03-2012, 03:52 PM	#5203
steven522 binomial: homo legentem Posts: 1,061 Karma: 25222222 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Alabama, USA Device: iriver Story HD; Archos 80 G9

08-03-2012, 05:58 PM	#5204
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,297 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	If things get better with age, I'm approaching magnificent!

08-04-2012, 02:28 AM	#5205
dreams It's about the umbrella Posts: 25,110 Karma: 56250158 Join Date: Jan 2009 Device: Sony 505\| K Fire \| KK 3G+Wi-Fi \| iPhone 3Gs \|Vista 32-bit Hm Prem w/FF	HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re next.” They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.