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		#496 | 
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			 Bibliophagist 
			
			![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Posts: 48,175 
				Karma: 174315444 
				Join Date: Jul 2010 
				Location: Vancouver 
				
				
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			How do you invite Santa to a party? 
		
	
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
	
	You request his presents.  | 
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		#497 | 
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			 Custom User Title 
			
			![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Posts: 11,358 
				Karma: 79528341 
				Join Date: Oct 2018 
				Location: Canada 
				
				
				Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD 
				
				
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			Hot older men in your area want to know if you have been playing with the thermostat?
		 
		
	
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
	
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		#498 | 
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			 Bibliophagist 
			
			![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Posts: 48,175 
				Karma: 174315444 
				Join Date: Jul 2010 
				Location: Vancouver 
				
				
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			It’s the most wine-derful time of the year.
		 
		
	
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
	
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		#499 | 
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			 Bibliophagist 
			
			![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Posts: 48,175 
				Karma: 174315444 
				Join Date: Jul 2010 
				Location: Vancouver 
				
				
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			For the more visually aligned...
		 
		
	
		
		
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		#500 | 
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			 Custom User Title 
			
			![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Posts: 11,358 
				Karma: 79528341 
				Join Date: Oct 2018 
				Location: Canada 
				
				
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			I went to the forest that makes you have multiple pronouns and accidentally touched some poison ivy. Now I'm it/she.
		 
		
	
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
	
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		#501 | 
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			 Bibliophagist 
			
			![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Posts: 48,175 
				Karma: 174315444 
				Join Date: Jul 2010 
				Location: Vancouver 
				
				
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			How do the elves clean Santa's sleigh on the day after Christmas? 
		
	
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
	
	They use Santa-tizer.  | 
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		#502 | 
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			 Captain Penguin 
			
			![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Posts: 2,966 
				Karma: 2079999999 
				Join Date: May 2009 
				Location: Seattle, WA 
				
				
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			Why was Santa's little helper depressed? 
		
	
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
	
	Because he had low elf-esteem.  | 
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		#503 | 
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			 Custom User Title 
			
			![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Posts: 11,358 
				Karma: 79528341 
				Join Date: Oct 2018 
				Location: Canada 
				
				
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			Productivity tip: Clear today's to-do list by moving every item to tomorrow's to-do list.
		 
		
	
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
	
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		#504 | 
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			 Grand Sorcerer 
			
			![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Posts: 13,993 
				Karma: 243829945 
				Join Date: Jan 2014 
				Location: Estonia 
				
				
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		#505 | 
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			 Bibliophagist 
			
			![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Posts: 48,175 
				Karma: 174315444 
				Join Date: Jul 2010 
				Location: Vancouver 
				
				
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			A meeting is a deliberation where hours are wasted and minutes are recorded.
		 
		
	
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
	
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		#506 | 
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			 Captain Penguin 
			
			![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Posts: 2,966 
				Karma: 2079999999 
				Join Date: May 2009 
				Location: Seattle, WA 
				
				
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			Why did the employee bring a ladder to the meeting? 
		
	
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
	
	Because they heard the discussion was going to be on a higher level.  | 
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		#507 | 
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			 Bibliophagist 
			
			![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Posts: 48,175 
				Karma: 174315444 
				Join Date: Jul 2010 
				Location: Vancouver 
				
				
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			I’m looking for a job where I am politely ignored and left to my own devices. With unlimited Internet access, doughnuts, and coffee.
		 
		
	
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
	
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		#508 | 
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			 Grand Sorcerer 
			
			![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Posts: 13,993 
				Karma: 243829945 
				Join Date: Jan 2014 
				Location: Estonia 
				
				
				Device: Kobo Sage & Libra 2 
				
				
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		#509 | 
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			 Bibliophagist 
			
			![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Posts: 48,175 
				Karma: 174315444 
				Join Date: Jul 2010 
				Location: Vancouver 
				
				
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			Someone once asked me if I would shoot my boss for $50,000... I said yes, I would definitely do that, but it's going to take me a while to come up with $50,000.
		 
		
	
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
	
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		#510 | 
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			 Bibliophagist 
			
			![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Posts: 48,175 
				Karma: 174315444 
				Join Date: Jul 2010 
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			John is being shown around the office by his new boss. They enter the IT department and John sees a man using two keyboards at once. "That's incredible", says John. "Trust a geek to use two keyboards at once". "Hey!" replied his boss. "That's stereotyping."
		 
		
	
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
		
	
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| Tags | 
| awful sense of humour, dad jokes, not always terrible, silliness | 
            
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