Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 331

MJK2111 · 05-07-2012, 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WT Sharpe

Sounds about right. Some fish are blind. And then there's always this guy:

I'm confused...what does the World's Worst Actor have to do with blind people?

Fbone · 05-07-2012, 02:17 PM

When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting.

wodin · 05-07-2012, 02:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

I don't suppose they really do it at night

.

At least not if they want to ride, the cart barn closes at sundown.

yvanleterrible · 05-07-2012, 06:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

I've dived with blind divers in Saipan. Pretty good divers too! They didn't care if we did day or night dives.

Stitchawl

Look out!!! Shark!!!

Stitchawl · 05-07-2012, 07:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yvanleterrible

Look out!!! Shark!!!

Not a problem. We all carry attache cases. The sharks think we're lawyers and leave us alone out of professional courtesy.

Stitchawl

orlok · 05-08-2012, 10:54 AM

Slightly off colour, so please look away if it's not your thing...

Through the kitchen window a farmer's wife sees her son coming home from school.

The boy's in a bad mood, and as he crosses the field he kicks a pig.

He walks a little further and kicks a cow.

Once inside, his mother says, "I saw what you did, young man."

For kicking the pig, you'll get no bacon for a week. And for kicking the cow, no milk for a week."

Just at that moment, the boy's father walks through the door and boots the cat halfway across the room.

The boy looks at his mother and says, "Do you wanna tell him, or should I?"

Fbone · 05-08-2012, 02:42 PM

When two's company, three's the result.

Fbone · 05-09-2012, 08:17 PM

Where there's smoke...there's dinner.

James_Wilde · 05-10-2012, 12:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

Slightly off colour, so please look away if it's not your thing...

The boy looks at his mother and says, "Do you wanna tell him, or should I?"

1. Definitely not off-colour

2. Definitely worth some karma. Took me a few seconds to work it out.

Figlilly · 05-10-2012, 03:37 AM

Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control at Paris airport.

"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.

"German," she replies.

"Occupation?"

"No, just here for a few days."

Stitchawl · 05-10-2012, 08:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Figwit

"Occupation?"

"No, just here for a few days."

Stitchawl

steven522 · 05-10-2012, 10:05 AM

An elderly priest, no longer able to easily make the trek up the winding staircase to the bell tower, places a "help wanted" sign outside the church door. He is surprised when a man with no arms shows up for the job. Despite the priest's reluctance, the arm-less man manages to convince the priest to let him at least try.

They make the long climb to the top of the tower and the priest waits to the side while the arm-less man readies himself. The man takes two quick steps forward and smashes his head into the church bell with a loud, resounding GONG!

Before the priest can intervene, the man steps back and smashes his head into the church bell a second time: GONG! And a third: GONG!

The man then staggers back and tumbles out of the bell tower to the churchyard below.

By the time the priest makes his way down the stairs and out to the front of the church, a crowd has gathered around.

"Father," asks a concerned townsman, "we do not know this man, do you know his name?"

"No," replies the priest, "but his face rings a bell."

Lycoming · 05-10-2012, 01:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Figwit

Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control at Paris airport.

"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.

"German," she replies.

"Occupation?"

"No, just here for a few days."

You just cannot trust a politician!

wannabee · 05-11-2012, 04:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yvanleterrible

And how does the caddie find his way on the links? No flashlight is powerful enough to situate yourself on the right part of a fairway to manage even a bogey...

Just being a mythbuster, the story is funny though!

Blind luck!

yvanleterrible · 05-11-2012, 05:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wannabee

Blind luck!

Brilliant!

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05-07-2012, 02:17 PM	#4952
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,297 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting.

05-08-2012, 10:54 AM	#4956
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	Slightly off colour, so please look away if it's not your thing... Through the kitchen window a farmer's wife sees her son coming home from school. The boy's in a bad mood, and as he crosses the field he kicks a pig. He walks a little further and kicks a cow. Once inside, his mother says, "I saw what you did, young man." For kicking the pig, you'll get no bacon for a week. And for kicking the cow, no milk for a week." Just at that moment, the boy's father walks through the door and boots the cat halfway across the room. The boy looks at his mother and says, "Do you wanna tell him, or should I?"

05-08-2012, 02:42 PM	#4957
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,297 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	When two's company, three's the result.

05-09-2012, 08:17 PM	#4958
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,297 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Where there's smoke...there's dinner.

05-10-2012, 03:37 AM	#4960
Figlilly Zealot Posts: 122 Karma: 2514066 Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Australia Device: Kindle Oasis 2&3, Paperwhites, Kindle Touch, Kobo Clara, IPad Air2	Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control at Paris airport. "Nationality?" asks the immigration officer. "German," she replies. "Occupation?" "No, just here for a few days."

05-10-2012, 10:05 AM	#4962
steven522 binomial: homo legentem Posts: 1,061 Karma: 25222222 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Alabama, USA Device: iriver Story HD; Archos 80 G9	An elderly priest, no longer able to easily make the trek up the winding staircase to the bell tower, places a "help wanted" sign outside the church door. He is surprised when a man with no arms shows up for the job. Despite the priest's reluctance, the arm-less man manages to convince the priest to let him at least try. They make the long climb to the top of the tower and the priest waits to the side while the arm-less man readies himself. The man takes two quick steps forward and smashes his head into the church bell with a loud, resounding GONG! Before the priest can intervene, the man steps back and smashes his head into the church bell a second time: GONG! And a third: GONG! The man then staggers back and tumbles out of the bell tower to the churchyard below. By the time the priest makes his way down the stairs and out to the front of the church, a crowd has gathered around. "Father," asks a concerned townsman, "we do not know this man, do you know his name?" "No," replies the priest, "but his face rings a bell."