Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 327

Fbone · 04-23-2012, 08:42 PM

I think my last post was a repeat. So I'll add this one ...

Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

Ajax · 04-23-2012, 09:35 PM

Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there. After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him.

"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked.

"Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night."

"Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?"

"Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes."

Spoiler:

Ajax · 04-23-2012, 09:36 PM

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.

"In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However," he pointed out, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah. Right."

mirandu85 · 04-24-2012, 05:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ajax

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.

"In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However," he pointed out, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah. Right."

LOL

orlok · 04-24-2012, 05:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ajax

Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there. After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him.

"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked.

"Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night."

"Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?"

"Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes."

Fbone · 04-24-2012, 06:27 PM

When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a twenty-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

Ajax · 04-24-2012, 10:41 PM

A tom cat and a tabby cat were courting on a back fence at night.

The tom leaned over to the tabby with pent up passion and purred "I'll die for you!"

The tabby gazed at him from under lowered eye lids and asked:

"How many times?"

orlok · 04-25-2012, 12:10 PM

Three blonde's were discussing what to call their new company, and it was finally agreed to name it Imagination.

So it is now called "Imagination Limited."

orlok · 04-25-2012, 04:21 PM

The man patted his daughter's hand fondly, and told her, "Your young man told me today he wanted you as a bride, and I gave my consent."

"Oh, Daddy," she gushed, "it's going to be so hard leaving Mummy."

"I understand perfectly, my dear," beamed the man. "Take her with you!"

Fbone · 04-25-2012, 05:59 PM

When all you have is an axe, every problem seems like hours of fun.

badgoodDeb · 04-25-2012, 06:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

When all you have is an axe, every problem seems like hours of fun.

I guess Lizzie Borden thought so.....

Stitchawl · 04-25-2012, 07:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

"I understand perfectly, my dear," beamed the man. "Take her with you!"

Stitchawl

Fbone · 04-26-2012, 11:43 AM

When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, "Give me a table near a waiter."

orlok · 04-27-2012, 08:13 AM

"I was distracted by that flashing siren of yours this morning," I said to my cop neighbour.

"Actually," he laughed, "it's the lights that flash, not the siren."

"Well actually," I laughed, "I was talking about your wife."

Fbone · 04-27-2012, 06:21 PM

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

04-23-2012, 09:35 PM	#4892
Ajax Addict Posts: 386 Karma: 17083352 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Texas Device: K4 Touch, Kindle Fire, HP Touchpad	Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there. After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him. "And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked. "Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night." "Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?" "Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes." Spoiler: and you thought it was going to be something dirty

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04-23-2012, 08:42 PM	#4891
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,297 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I think my last post was a repeat. So I'll add this one ... Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

04-23-2012, 09:36 PM	#4893
Ajax Addict Posts: 386 Karma: 17083352 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Texas Device: K4 Touch, Kindle Fire, HP Touchpad	A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However," he pointed out, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah. Right."

04-24-2012, 06:27 PM	#4896
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,297 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a twenty-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

04-24-2012, 10:41 PM	#4897
Ajax Addict Posts: 386 Karma: 17083352 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Texas Device: K4 Touch, Kindle Fire, HP Touchpad	A tom cat and a tabby cat were courting on a back fence at night. The tom leaned over to the tabby with pent up passion and purred "I'll die for you!" The tabby gazed at him from under lowered eye lids and asked: "How many times?"

04-25-2012, 12:10 PM	#4898
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	Three blonde's were discussing what to call their new company, and it was finally agreed to name it Imagination. So it is now called "Imagination Limited."

04-25-2012, 04:21 PM	#4899
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	The man patted his daughter's hand fondly, and told her, "Your young man told me today he wanted you as a bride, and I gave my consent." "Oh, Daddy," she gushed, "it's going to be so hard leaving Mummy." "I understand perfectly, my dear," beamed the man. "Take her with you!"

04-25-2012, 05:59 PM	#4900
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,297 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	When all you have is an axe, every problem seems like hours of fun.

04-26-2012, 11:43 AM	#4903
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,297 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, "Give me a table near a waiter."

04-27-2012, 08:13 AM	#4904
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	"I was distracted by that flashing siren of yours this morning," I said to my cop neighbour. "Actually," he laughed, "it's the lights that flash, not the siren." "Well actually," I laughed, "I was talking about your wife."

04-27-2012, 06:21 PM	#4905
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,297 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.