Unutterably Silly The 2-sentences-per-post story (starring a mysterious blonde psockpuppet?)

[MJK2111]

Not knowing if the car would actually stop, I took drastic measures.
I threw Louie in the middle of the road.

[poohbear_nc]

The car brakes screamed louder than Louie did, as it skidded to a halt on the side of the road. The rear passenger door opened and out popped the ape!

[MJK2111]

This time, he didn't look so friendly, with a bunch of bananas in one hand and a Smith & Wesson in the other. His trigger finger looked itchier than an unwashed camel.

[GeoffC]

One of the bananas fell from the bunch, he stood on it and slipped.
The itchy finger twitched and the gun fired a single, loud, penetrating shot.

[LazyScot]

For a moment, the sound of the gunshot almost had the same effect on me as toad-slime had on Louie, but fortunately the cartwheeling effect the dropped banana had introduced into the ape's posture meant that the gun was pointing almost directly up when the bullet left the barrel.

The ape landed flat on his back with a deafening whoomph that knocked him completely unconscious, leaving him unable to scream when the bullet he fired eventually obeyed gravity and returned to hit him in his leg.

[poohbear_nc]

I jumped into the back seat of the car with Louie and yelled "Floor it!"
"Sure" said the blonde bimbo, who was in the driver's seat.

[LazyScot]

I'd forgotten about the right hook she had, as I looked down at Louie's prone form and realised she'd mis-understood what I'd wanted her to floor.

"Unless you want me to do the same to you, tie up the ape and put him in the boot; and be quick about it," she ordered, using a tone that had clearly spent much time studying and mimicing the effect of toad-slime on llamas.

[poohbear_nc]

"And put the incontinent llama in the trunk too!" she continued. "And be grateful I don't jam you in with them!"

[LazyScot]

Neither Louie nor the ape were what one would call featherweights, so not only did I push my luck with the length of time it took to load the boot, but I also made a mental note to add several sessions of physiotherapy on my back to the bill.

However, whilst loading the ape, a receipt slipped out of his pocket (who'd have thought the ape would have pockets in the suit?) that I managed to pickup and read without the dame noticing: "Packaged received -- pay the ape in full; signed Marvin."

[poohbear_nc]

Now who in blazes was this Marvin character? Any more mokes to keep track of and I'd have to start carrying a Cast of Characters around with me!

[LazyScot]

Surreptiously shoving the note into my pocket, I finished manhandling far too much heavy unconscious animal into the trunk, and got into the front seat with the Dame.

"Since you're obviously taking the day off for a leisurely walk with a friend whilst I was kidnapped by the subject of your investigation, I'm not paying you for today, unless you can find out what the ape was going to do with me here," she said, indicating a circle on a map that it looked like the ape had shoved onto the dashboard.

[MJK2111]

Looking over the map, I saw that the circle neatly surrounded Palm Springs. What the blond hadn't noticed was a small note scribbled in the ape's childish handwriting that said "Palm Springs, for a good time call Julian."

[LazyScot]

I knew that number; it was my old rivals, Julian and Sandy. If I could tie them into this mess, then maybe I could get rid of them once and for all.

[GeoffC]

Then I saw I'd gotten into the 'wrong' side of the car; she was driving, that left me as the navigator.

"Straight on down, turn at the next intersection, and step on it, your time is my money and I'm sure you have plenty of that ......."; meanwhile I rang Julian....

[MJK2111]

When the phone was answered "Beverly Hills Escort Service. How may I help you?", quite a few thoughts ran through my aching head. Maintaining at least a shred of my dignity, I cleared my mind and asked for Julian.