Unutterably Silly Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day

[CyGuy]

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college.


There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.


"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"


"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."


The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."


"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."


The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up. Relax and enjoy yourself."


The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.


Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"


"1955, ma'am."


"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.


Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."


The Sergeant Major said, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not; it's only 2130 now."

[Fbone]

The only people who appreciate change are wet babies.

[Fbone]

The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.

[orlok]

A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church.

He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.

There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their garments.

He hears a priest come in:

"Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be".

The priest replies, "Get out, you idiot. You're on my side".

[Bookpossum]

Dave and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics in Melbourne, Australia. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Dave said, 'Man, I wish we had something to drink!'

Jim says, 'Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz.'

You wanna try it?'

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed.

The next morning, Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!

Then the phone rings. It's Jim. Jim says, 'Hey, how do you feel this morning?'

Dave says, 'I feel great, how about you?'

Jim says, 'I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?'

Dave says, 'No that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often.'

'Yeah, well there's just one thing.'

'What's that?'

'Have you farted yet?'

'No.'

'Well, DON'T - 'cause I'm in New Zealand!'

[marino.DV]

Q. What's black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?
A. A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.

Q. What do you call going on a blind date with a brunette?
A. Brown-bagging it.

Q. What's the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
A. No one else wants it.

Q. What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
A. Invisible.

Q. What's a brunette's mating call?
A. "Has the blonde left yet? "

Q. Why didn't Indians scalp brunettes?
A. The hair from a buffalo's butt was more manageable.

Q. Why is brunette considered an evil color?
A. When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?

[Stitchawl]

Stitchawl

[Fbone]

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat healthy, and lie about your age.

[orlok]

"Mister, why doesn't this cow have any horns?" asked the young lady from a nearby city.

The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone.

"Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep'em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up the young 'uns by puttin' a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops 'em cold. Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns.

But the reason this cow don't have no horns, ma'am, is 'cause it's a horse."

[Ajax]

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn.

The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Billy Bob, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."

"That's mighty nice of you," Billy Bob answered, "but I don't think my Pa would like me to."

"Aw, come on boy," the farmer insisted.

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but my Pa won't like it."

After a hearty dinner, Billy Bob thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know my Pa is going to be real mad."

"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is your Pa?"

"Under the wagon."

[Ajax]

A lady on the airplane strikes up a conversation with the fellow sitting in the next seat, "..and where are you going?"

"I'm going to San Francisco to a Unix convention," he replies.

"Eunuchs convention?" she questions. "I didn't know there were that many of you."

[Fbone]

The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

[Daithi]

An Asian man is sitting in his seat on a plane as it is being boarded. Another man, wearing a yarmulke, takes the seat next to the Asian, and as he does so his elbow hits the Asian in the face. It is clear the man did it on purpose.

The Asian says, "Hey! What did you do that for?"

The other man replies, "That was for Pearl Harbor."

"The Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor. I'm Chinese," complained the Asian.

"Chinese, Japanese, it's all the same to me," said the other man as he settled into his seat.

The Chinese man was furious and delivered an elbow of his own then said, "That's for the Titanic."

The other man said, "What?"

The Chinese man replied "Iceberg, Goldberg, it's all the same to me."

[Stitchawl]

Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine. Could only use it for half an hour as I started to feel sick. It's great though. It provides me
with everything I need - KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato Crisps, the lot."


Stitchawl

[Stitchawl]

Question - Are there too many immigrants in the USA?


17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said "I am not understanding the question please."



Stitchawl